- 6 years ago
Hi bees, I was wondering if any of you could give some pointers or books to read, things to do to let me deal with stress better so I dont take it out on my wonderful fiance, which I definitly have been doing.
I realized I am so hard on him sometimes and its not good at all! We are both so stressed. With contemplating gonig back to school, to planning the wedding, the money with the wedding of course, but most important, with my mom fighting pancreatic cancer.
This has been the most stressful year of my life. And i know most people would not handle that stress very well and I have 3 autoimmune conditions, including hormones out of whack as well as my gut and my adrenals, so I definitly DO NOT deal well with stress right now at this moment, well at all.
And Im afraid sometimes what is doing to our relationship at the moment..My moms cancer diagnosis and battle has knocked us all for a loop and I have just gotten more and more stressed, especially with planning the wedding and I KNOW Im taking it out on my fiance, even if he doesnt say anything, which isnt right at all.
He tries very hard, he is a clean freak vs me im the opposite so sometimes his close to OCDness stress’s me out and I just get upset with him….Yes thats right everyone, my fiance cleans up, I mean mop, sweeps, does the dishes, laundry and others…and me= I get upset with him! Can you see where there is an issue here! I know there is one, I know I am taking my stresses, my frustraitons out on him becuase hes the one closest but its not right!
The last couple of weeks he did the laundry every .single. time. as well as the dishes almost every single time and works 50 hours a week and I broke down the other day because we found out we had to stop chemo for my mom becuase its no longer working so we have to look for other treatments( I dont know) and he just asked me to help a little bit, and i still always throw my clothes on the floor and got upset at him for putting the delicates in the dryer( even though he has done the laundry like 7 times in a row so at least he is trying!) He did end up shrinking 1 or 2 things, but the old me would have been like ” oh well its just clothes at least I have a man who is doing laundry, let alone almost every load for us!” but no, now all I could concentrate on was the shrunken clothes!
Im normally compassionate and caring and supportive and patient but lately bees, im struggling. it just feels hard to be happy about things when life sucks it seems with my mom, fighting it all and being so darn amazing and wonderful and still smiling and the best person in the world….I still try to be positive for her so much so maybe I feel like I put all my smiles and positiveness on her that I just break down and do the opposite for my fiance and literally just take it all out on him, all my pain just ;put there, which is completely not right! I just feel inadaquete and feel I cant even do anything and unintentially, just take it on my amazing fiance, who Im marrying in 2 months.
He even got together with my dad, his dad and himself and made giant jenga blocks and starting the bean bag toss. He drove my dad to his parents house (1 hr there and back) nad stain them, sanded them and made it perfect and started the bean bag toss…I sent him the instructions for the bean bag toss and asked him if he wanted me to come, but he said no, and I told him to read the instructions correctly( sometimes he just read the first paragraph and goes along with the rest haha oh my man) well he was suppose to cut the boards in half but he didnt so thought we were making 2×7 foot high bean bag toss…and when he showed me all the work he and everyone had done, and then showed me the boards, i got upset and said they were wrong, my vision was wrong, and just completely concentrated on the negative. They can cut those boards next time, no biggie now, but I completley just focused on the negative, and not on the amazing work he and my dads did and totally tore him down..I could see he was hurt but didnt say anything and just said he would change that in the next couple of days.
So bees out there, i used to be such a postive person..How do I go back to concentrating on the positive instead of the negative? I love my fiance so much, and he does do so much for me..and maybe I havent showed lately during this trying time, but I appreciate the heck out him, he is compeltey there for my parents (who are 59 years old but need help with all the hospital stuff as my dad has many doctors appointment himself for past surgeries) makes sure we see them all the time, makes them meals, have driven them down to appoitnments and hospital visits, helps clean for them, plays board games with my parents, and importantly, makes them both laugh and smile a lot! This is my dream man! so why do I have to focus on the negative instead of the positive…
I do feel down about life right now..its just so hard to be happy when your mom is fighting for her life and I jsut dont want to do about it make myself for positive for myself and my fiance. Im happy for the wedding, we both are, but its hard to be happy sometimes completely, when your mind is elseware….It isnt good for us or our relationship to concentrate on the negative instead of the positive but I just dont know how now? Any bees been in my shoes …anywhere else I can channel my frustration, and hurt so it doesnt reflect onto my fiance? I definitly need some help or insight…he is good to me and for me…yes he has some faults as does any person but his postives definitly and completely outweigh his faults…