(Closed) Between a rock and a hard place

posted 8 years ago in Family
  • poll: What would you do?
    Pay the money from savings. : (8 votes)
    27 %
    Back out of the family trip. : (17 votes)
    57 %
    Other. Will explain below. : (5 votes)
    17 %
  • Post # 3
    411 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I would suggest looking for a better deal, maybe on another airline. Say something along the lines of, “that sounds great, but there’s a much better deal on this airline – would you mind if we flew there by ourselves?” $2k is a LOT for airline tickets, but you really do need to go. Even if it breaks the bank, this could be the deciding factor on your relationship with them for the rest of your lives.

    Post # 4
    5822 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Could you wait a little longer to purchase the tickets?  When I was researching my honeymoon, I found that 6 weeks out was ideal for purchasing tickets because they open up another flight if the other flights are booked already.  Our ticket prices dropped from $1500 per person to $1500 for both of us.

    I would have your Fiance explain how tight money is, and that you can spend [X] amount on the tickets.  Tell her that you will keep your eye on the prices as the trip approaches, but if the tickets are over [X] amount you will be unable to attend.  She should have bought them in the first place, but if SHE is buying everyone’s tickets for them, I suspect she has accrued a lot of “miles” that she can cash in for your tickets.  If she really wants you to come, she’ll figure out how to help you.

    Post # 7
    5822 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I think if they really love you that they will either help or understand if you don’t go.

    ETA: I’m so sorry!  That really sucks that she is being so inflexible when SHE is the cause of all this.  I still don’t think you can say yes if your money is tight.  It’s not right for her to expect you to break the bank for a VACATION.  If it was to see a dying relative?  Then yes.  But for a luxury?  Something unneccessary?  It’s not logical to expect you to say yes.

    Post # 8
    3866 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @5292010: honestly? if you can’t afford it, say so.  be upfront and honest about that and just say you can’t go because you don’t have the money. 

    if they cannot respect that and understand, then THEY are the ones being selfish and the relationship isn’t worth it. 

    hope you get this solved smoothly!!

    Post # 9
    13096 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    If you aren’t comfortable with your budget / savings / etc spending that much money – DON’T GO!  It s absolutely not worth spending money you aren’t comfortable with.  Continue watching the flights and if they drop to a level you ARE comfortable with, book them and join.  Otherwise, its your MILs fault for waiting so long to book the tickets.

    Post # 10
    5800 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2011

    farecast.com is pretty reliable about telling you if ticket prices will go up or down

    Post # 11
    502 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I agree with MightySaphire. Whether your mother in law likes it or not, you saying you can only afford $X is reasonable and not debatable. If the tickets drop, then great. If they don’t, then it just wasn’t in the cards. If she is a good mother she would not want you guys to spend money you dont have or would try to help you. Plus, it’ll probably be a shitty vacation anyway.

    Post # 12
    445 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Wow – I didn’t even pay that much to fly from Ohio to New Zealand!! Are you sure you checked everywhere? Can you be flexible with the days you travel? I would be more than happy to help you research cheap flight options! (It’s a big hobby of mine!) But if you’d like to just take another look, at least check out farecompare.com! Even if you just play around with the dates (leave on a Thurs. instead of a Friday or leave a day early etc.) or try leaving from a different airport (it may be 2-3 hours away, but it also might be $100-$500 cheaper!) or you might find a special going on soon. It just depends on when you have to fly and from where to where!

    Sorry to hear you’re having so much going on! I hope it all works out for you! If there’s anything I can do to help, let me know!

    Post # 13
    2867 posts
    Sugar bee

    I wouldn’t go.  I wouldn’t even entertain the thought of trying to convince them of reason b/c they aren’t that kind of people.

    Post # 14
    14659 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    My first instinct was pretty much what @mightysapphire said. Tell them you have a strict budget of x amt and you’ll keep an eye out for tickets that fall into that budget, otherwise you can’t make it.  I don’t understand why she waited this long to buy them or why it was left up to her to purchase.  If its your money, you should’ve kept control of the ticket purchasing.  Are you all flying from the same location, or just meeting there?

    I think since she dropped the ball by waiting to buy the tickets she should pay whatever the difference is if she really wants you go to.  If she can say that money is tight for them, then she should understand that it is for you as well, and that she screwed this up by not securing the tickets before prices doubled.

    Post # 16
    365 posts
    Helper bee

    OMG don’t go!  Why would you sacrifice your savings – your savings you need for if someone gets made redundant, or the car breaks down – to spend a holiday with people who hate you


    By the way, I read your other post about being ambushed by his family over threat of starving your dog…  They have NO right to invite you over and tell you off.  You are NOT their daughter, and you are NOT 10 years old.


    I hate to sound harsh, but you need to grow up and realise that you and your husband are a family, and you don’t need to please his parents.  Be kind, remember birthdays, attend dinners, but don’t ever let them tell you how you are flawed, or pick on you, or tell you how to live your life.  If that happens – walk out.  Stand up for yourself.  The only person you’re responsible to is yourself.

    Start out as you mean to continue 🙂 

    The topic ‘Between a rock and a hard place’ is closed to new replies.

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