(Closed) Beyond devastated- our venue cancelled

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 46
2847 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

can you have the ceremony at your reception venue? You said in a previous thread that you have the space reserved for four hours and dinner won’t take that long. It would seem to be a good solution. <br /><br />^^ This was my thought exactly.  Just have the wedding at the same place as the reception and problem solved.

Post # 47
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Supersleuth:  I´m going to go ahead and skip the “who is more compassionate” contest and just state that I understand what AdiamondintheRough was trying to do but speaking for myself, telling me not to feel bad and reminding me that someone in the world has it worse than me just doesn’t make me feel better. I know that there are people in comas and people who don´t have fresh water to drink and people that live under military dictatorships and displaced people and women who suffer domestic violence and and and but that doesn’t take away from MY feelings, no matter how frivolous others judge them to be. 

This happened to me 3 months before my wedding and I was devastated too. I cried and I wanted to cancel my wedding because I felt like so close to my wedding there was no way I´d find something as perfect as my venue was. After a few days of being mad and sad and complaining I realized that I COULD find something else and I did. So, I have the same advice for the OP as many other PPs (yourself included): feel sad, feel mad, cry etc and then once you calm down, find a solution because, without a doubt, there is a solution to be found! You have plenty of time!

PS. When talking amongst, who I assume are, adults, it’s usually best not to define words for them. Looks a little condescending. 

Post # 48
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

shawna.darling4:  April is still far away! I got my venue in February for a September wedding. You have time!

Post # 50
4697 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

You have 7 months.. Surely you can summon the strength inside of your adult body to move on with planning.

Post # 51
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

shawna.darling4:  Something sounds fishy here – what did they “judge” you on?  A venue doesn’t just pull out for no apparent reason, but for some reason – from what you said in your posts – it sounds like you feel guilty about something and you were trying to make it up to them on the original call… 

Post # 52
1378 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base

shawna.darling4:  Glad to see you are looking at things positively today. 

Post # 53
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015 - On a Cliff Overlooking the Bay, Florida


shawna.darling4:  Is it an option to have a quick ceremony at the reception venue? I’ve seen it pictures where all the guest are seated at their tables and it’s done on the dance floor (or some large opening viewable by everyone) It’s not ideal but a ceremony usually last 20-30 min (at the most) maybe you can work it together and you don’t have to pay additional for a ceremony space

Post # 54
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

ADiamondInTheRough:  You’re my hero. Thank you for being the one to come out and say that. Yes, we all get our undies in a twist over the peeerrrrrfect wedding, but at the end of the day, it’s just a wedding. A big party with a fancy dress that’s all over before you know it. Not worth that level of histrionics.


OP, please don’t take this the wrong way, but have you considered therapy? Not being a snark queen or whatever, but if you’re getting this disproportionately upset about something so small (no more venue = call off the whole wedding and relationship??)  then you may have some success talking to a professional about your coping skills. Or, at the very least, the levels of anxiety you’re feeling that are making you go to those emotional extremes. Wedding planning is stressful, but that’s not normal. Mindfulness, meditation, and cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) may all be useful options for you. Being serious here.

I called off a wedding. Lost a SH*TLOAD of deposits that my then-FI and I couldn’t afford. Eloped to city hall. It’s not the best option for everyone, but at the end of the day, the wedding isn’t about the dress or the flowers or the pinterest-perfect pictures. It’s about the commitment you’re making to bind your soul to another person. All the rest is sprinkles.

Post # 56
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Sorry to hear that but you definitely have time. The venue probably gave the date to someone with a deposit.  I know that sucks but they are about upfront money.  Your photographer will go to any venue. …

Post # 57
12654 posts
Honey Beekeeper

OP has already stated a few times  that the B and B has a connection of some kind to the restaurant, so she no longer wants to have the reception there.  

Personally, I would ask the B and B to compensate me for the lost processing fee  at the restaurant, especially if the two venues are owned or managed by the same people. 

They told OP to go ahead and book, which can be construed as a legal and binding verbal contract.  If that fee is more than just a few dollars, I would tell them that although she can not be made whole, she wants the money that she spent on the basis of their go ahead to be refunded. I’d be polite, and persistent, but not threatening. 

If they don’t cooperate, then all bets are off the table and OP  can revisit her negative review or small claims. As Supersleuth say, if the amount is low, and the photographer’s deposit is not a loss, it may not be worth the trouble.

It sounds as if OP implies that  the B and B started to perceive red flags because she was asking for a lot of documentation of various things.  They may have written her off as high maintenance or they may have just gotten a better offer. 


Post # 58
12654 posts
Honey Beekeeper

shawna.darling4:  “I felt badly that I made them redo the invoice a couple times. I didn’t feel comfortable paying for something that was wrong on paper but verbally correct.”

That should not be an issue for any reputable place. My guess is that someone else came around who had a bigger budget or  a deposit in hand.  Do they also do  catering?  Is it possible that since you were using them for ceremony only, they felt they were losing out on catering fees?

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