pinkglitter2017 : With your update, I’m thinking that you might be creating this problem for yourself. I’m actually going to suggest that you look for slightly less attractive men than you are, and revisiting the French vs English thing.
Regarding attractiveness, hey I totally get it. When I was in my 20s, even though I consider myself to be fairly average looking I was able to date some absolutely gorgeous guys. I dated a few beauty and fitness models. My takeaway from that was this: our looks are primarily the box that all the wonderful things we have going on are packed into, and there are two types of attractiveness – what you are born with, and what you radiate. You can see people’s packaging online and it’s easy to focus on it, especially when there isn’t much of a profile to read. My advice – if there’s no profile, pass him by. He’s showing you that he thinks he can get plenty of women by looks alone. He shows no effort, and therefore he isn’t primarily interested in a relationship. If you are giving men like this attention it could be the reason so many of them seem to want sex only. The second type of attractiveness, what you radiate, is a lot harder to determine from an online profile. Look for pictures that show what kind of man he is, photos showing hobbies are great. Focus on men who show their personality through what they have written on their profile. Remember this – a less attractive man with a lot of personality and life is always more appealing to others than a conventionally beautiful man. But you will never know that appealing man if you are too focused on the outer package.
Try this thought experiment, it helped me a lot. Next time you are somewhere such as a restaurant where there are a lot of different types of people, look around at the men and imagine who you would be interested in dating if you knew them in real life. For myself, I realized that there were a lot of men that I probably wouldn’t have looked at twice online that I would probably like in real life. When you are online it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing the levels of attractiveness of the men to each other, and we always want what we perceive to be the best. The less attractive men that you probably would be happy with in real life always get pushed to the side in favor of what we perceive as the hotter guy. So consciously look for the less attractive but interesting man and give it a shot. He is likely to radiate more beauty in person to make him more attractive than his photo online.
Regarding your wanting English vs French, in a place like Montreal that is really limiting. According to your own stats you are removing 95% of available men simply because they speak French and have a slightly different culture. I’m not Canadian, but I can’t imagine that there is such a drastic culture change between Montreal and Quebec. It’s not like you are dating someone who lives in an indigeonous tribe and has a radically different lifestyle that might be difficult to adjust to. Dating is a numbers game, if you remove such a vast amount of the population you are left with 5% available men whom you also see as attractive. I saw a study once that said that if you show a man 100 women, he will be attracted to 80 of them. If you show a woman 100 men, she’ll be attracted to 20. So essentially you are considering only 20% of that original 5%. Can you see how limiting that is?
So here are my suggestions for you in a nutshell, in case all of that was too much to read:
1. Only engage online with men who put some effort into their profile and write something that helps you learn about their personality.
2. I didn’t list this, but only consider men who treat you well, don’t bring up sex into the conversation before you have even met, and who show effort and interest in getting to know you.
3. Consciously go for a less conventionally attractive man, knowing that there is an aspect of radiated beauty you don’t know about yet that could be a game changer.
4. I didn’t mention this either, but try some wonderful men that other women might pass by – shorter men, men who are bald or balding.
5. Open your heart to the larger population of men who fit the characteristics of your location. If you met the perfect man for you, likely you won’t care at all whether he’s French or English.
Finally, a personal anecdote. I’m marrying someone who is not ‘my type’. He has loved me for years, and I consistently rejected him because I wasn’t attracted to him enough. In fact, I tried dating him years ago and I broke up with him. When we met up 6 years later, I fell for him completely. This happened for two reasons. 1. As he matured, he let go of some of the negativity and emotional issues he had and became more confident. He now radiates an attractiveness that I respond to. 2. As I matured, I re-evaluated what was attractive to me. I do have a physical type, but I’ve grown to find beauty in other types as well. Moreover, my fiance is intelligent, loving, respectful, funny, dependable, communicative, and fun. As a whole package, he is beautiful to me inside and out, and I am incredibly lucky to be marrying him. So it might also help you to re-evaluate the men around you whom you might have written off for one reason or another, and give them another look too. There are great people all around us, but sometimes we get caught up in other things and just don’t see it.