Post # 1
I have a new boyfriend of two months and things are going great. I can talk about anything with him, which has lead to this current problem.
One night about a week ago we were drinking wine together and talking about ex lovers and I do not know why but I asked who was the best sex he had. He mentioned the most recent girl he was hanging out with who was a FWB for about 4 months ,who btw is gorgeous and has fake breasts. I was like oh cool, then asked another stupid question which was “was she better than me?” And at first he said no but I can tell when he is lying. He later did admit yes, she was better but he didn’t have a reason or explanation as to why. He said he loves being with me and I’m amazing.
Honestly it would make me feel better to know why it was better so I could improve but he says he doesn’t have an explanation. We haven’t spoken of it since , but it has damaged my self esteem and everytime we have sex now I feel insecure..
I admit I shouldn’t have asked the question and I did apologize to him for that. Has anyone ever been through something similar?
Post # 2
No because I would never ask that.
Post # 3
Well at least he was being honest…
i guess this is a classic example of “don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to”. I do not think he should have admitted that a past fwb was better in bed, because what good is going to come from that? I also don’t think you should stress about this. It’s not a contest, and he obviously prefers you overall, hence why she’s in his past. Try not to worry about who is better. It’s about the whole package, not just the sex, and you’ve got that.
Post # 4
Ughhh talking about ex’s is the kiss of death for a relationship!
Post # 5
yup, definitely learned my lesson with asking too many questions lol
Post # 6
Well, at least you know he’s a truth teller.
I’ve had great sex with guys, it’s chemistry, good equipment, my hormones lined up right, Mercury coming out of retrograde, who knows. That didn’t make any of them better relationship material than Dh.
You have two options. You can choose to fixate on this, keep bugging your bf about it, make yourself crazy, and potentially ruin a promising relationship. Or you can say “ouch, that stung” and let it go.
As you get closer as a couple and your sexual connection deepens, if the relationship is a good one, people from the past will feel totally irrelevant.
And as the PP says, stop asking questions if you’re not prepared to hear the answers. Questions like yours are usually born out of insecurity. Deal with that head on. Where is it coming from?
Post # 7
I wouldn’t ask that kind of stuff, unless you’re one of those super confident people who can handle the answers! xo
Post # 8
Just because you CAN talk about anything doesn’t mean you SHOULD.
He was honest. Let it be a lesson to not ask questions you don’t really want the answer to. It is one thing to ask what would make him happier with your sex life – it is another to ask him rank his sexual partners and directly compare you. So, do what you gotta do to improve your self-esteem and insecurity issues – whether it is taking up am empowering hobby, getting therapy, or checking out a self- help book or two. At some point in the future, when you can make it about wanting to improve your partnership rather than soothing your bruised and insecure ego, you can discuss what you mutually would like from your sex life. You may have to learn to live with the fact that you may never be the “best sex”, but you may be the best partner and that doesn’t mean he finds sex with you unenjoyable.
Post # 9
To your last question: No, because I would never ask a question like that because 1) I don’t want to know the answer and 2) that is personal between him and that girl.
Don’t ask him again why it was better or what you can do to improve as you will come as needy and insecure.
Post # 10
I don’t care that you shouldn’t have asked. He’s an idiot for answering. That kind of honesty is just brutal and hurtful.
Post # 11
Being good in bed isn’t everything and it’s all subjective. Maybe his ex was the best because she was into anal play and scat and that’s what he’s judging it on. Some people just connect better on a sexual level than others.
For the record I would NOT ask him how he’s deciding who was best. Just don’t. Learn your lesson and move on.
Post # 12
This relationship is too new. Only 2 weeks. Get rid of him and move on. He needs to know as an ADULT that him telling his current gf that his old FWB was better than her in bed is the dumbest thing he can say to talk himself out of intimacy altogether. White lies are invented for a reason.
Post # 14
I agree with this.
And personally, there’s no question I won’t ask. If I’m worried about the answer, I feel an urgency to ask all the more.
Post # 15
What an idiot (him). Well, at least you know he tells the truth. With that said…
The reason he thinks she’s better could just be something as simple as he enjoyed her breast implants. Either way, that’s her, not you, don’t worry about it. He was FWB and he’s dating you. Sex usually gets better with time so it is also very possible you will surpass her. She did sleep with him longer than you’ve been sleeping with him as of now. She might have learned a trick or two that worked for him, which I’m sure you will as well and again, will surpass.
It’s rare for every boyfriend you’re with to be the best you’ve ever had in the beginning of a relationship. Just call him an idiot, be your hot self and enjoy!