Bf admitted an ex FWB was better in bed.

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
601 posts
Busy bee

I’d chalk this up to lesson learned about asking too many questions and move on.

The nice think about sex is practice makes perfect 😉 Keep the communication open and talk to each other about what each of you likes/wants in the bedroom. 

Post # 17
Member
601 posts
Busy bee

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queenie8119 :  I’d agree with you if he did this unprompted, but she asked, and they were having an open discussion. He shouldn’t be punished for being open about information she asked for. As an adult, she should have known better than to ask, so it’s a learning experience for her I’d say.

Post # 18
Member
5158 posts
Bee Keeper

Well you know 2 things right away:

He’s honest

He’s dumb

Post # 19
Member
1067 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Men typically find self confidence sexy, someone who likes their body, talks dirty during sex, etc. That may be all there is to it

Post # 20
Member
4501 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

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sunburn :  BAM. This.

Post # 21
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee

He’s a fool for answering that question. That is a loaded question ranking up there with “do I look fat?” or “do you think my sister/best friend is hot?” 

To me saying no you don’t look fat, no your sister isn’t attractive (to me) and you are the best I’ve ever had is not a lie. Because it’s all subjective. It is how he sees it. He should’ve had more clarity in the moment but you should not have asked.

No good comes of these no coming back from answers and by asking you are fishing for a compliment (if he is smart a true compliment, if he is dumb then buffers) or dredging for an indirect critism that will only cause heartache and emotional turmoil. Some things are better left mysteries. 

Post # 22
Member
9396 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

I’d never ask, because that sort of question demands a lie in response or hurt feelings.  (Its possible they would say I was the best and be honest about it–but I’d never know if it were a lie or not!)

At the same time, if someone i was dating asked me that question you can bet I’d say “you know what.. this is gonna sound like a lie.. but you!” 100% of the time.

So.. yeah.. I’d find someone else to date frankly because you can’t ever unhear what he said. 🙁 I dunno, you do you, but having stayed in a relationship where he said something along those lines I know I never quite got it totally out of my head.

FYI… I know you think it was in the name of openness, but there are ways to ask these questions while still making it easy for your partner to make sure to save your feelings:

“what’s your favorite sex position/move/game/scenario/fantasy?”

“describe what you think would be the ‘best sex ever’?”

stuff like that…

is it possible what they will describe to you will be sex they’ve actually had with someone else in graphic detail?  Sure.  But you’ll never be sure if it was, and if so who it was with, or if maybe it was just something they saw in a porno or read in an erotic story or dreamt about.  (If they are an idiot and tell you “yeah, my ex girlfriend was super hot and had fake tits and it was the best sex i ever had!”.. dump that idiot for someone with tact.)

Post # 23
Member
7133 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I think it was foolish to have the conversation so early in your relationship. I do not think it needs to be the kiss of death to have had it at all- nor that he told the truth. If you decide to stay with him, I would continue to have open lines of communication about the two of you– what are the things that turn the two of you on when in bed together? What are the two of you interested in exploring together, sexually and otherwise?

Him being honest isn’t wrong- in fact, he tried not to tell you and you pushed for an answer. So that’s on you. Do not ask questions you don’t want the true answer for. Or, if you are fishing for compliments, just be up front and ask for a compliment.

Post # 24
Member
230 posts
Helper bee

2 months is very early still, so don’t worry about it! My bf said my kissing was 7/10 (he smartened up after my reaction to that, haha) but we still hadn’t learned enough about each other’s likes and dislikes. Now he loves my kisses.

As another bee said, you still have to learn about each other and in all likelihood you will far surpass his ex fwb!!

Men can be silly, women can ask dumb questions… what’s done is done so learn what you can from it and use it as an opportunity!

 

*big hug*

Post # 25
Member
574 posts
Busy bee

I met my fi 3.5 years ago. We had been on a few dates and then I invited him over…it was obvious what was going to happen. He was soooo nervous, I could sense it. Let me be blunt and say, it was awful. The most awkward sex I’ve had. The following day he said ‘I’m a few years out of practise. I was nervous, sorry if it showed’.

However, now he knows me and what I like and I can honestly say that sex with him is amazing and the best. 

It takes time to get to know one another and takes time to feel confident enough to say ‘let’s try this today’ etc. Stop comparing yourself and just enjoy it. 

Post # 26
Member
1527 posts
Bumble bee

Well he was a bit dumb for telling the truth and you shouldn’t have asked if you didn’t really want to know. That question has no right answer, even if he says you.

It is hard to say why sex is good. It has to do with skill as well as your state of mind. My previous best sex ever was after a long day spell and a scrappy relationship. Then I hooked up with a  guy who I was amazing. We hooked up again a year later and it was “meh”. I dont think he was worse, but I was in totally different state of mind. 

Post # 27
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

The lawyer in me has loooong ago learned to never (ever ever ever) ask questions I don’t want the answer to… I admit that I sometimes (read:often!) have to remind myself of this because DH and I also have a very open relationship and he is EXTREMELY honest. So I feel ya, bee! Just try and move past this, value his honesty and know you can rely on it when needed, but don’t discuss your past sex lives beyond what is needed to share (ie from a health point if view.) 

Post # 28
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2021 - Glacier National Park-Montana

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slomotion :  I agree.  There are different types of “best sex ever”.  Sure I’ve had exciting sex in my life with short term partners that was mind blowing.  But sex  in a relationship or marriage has a connection doesn’t compare to that.  It’s amazing in its own way.

let it roll off bee. It was just different. Don’t look back look forward. 

Post # 29
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

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acapelopd :  I’m not liking at all that you had to throw in mention that this woman has ‘fake breasts’. If you’re so insecure that you have to make yourself feel better by slinging petty barbs at other women, you need to stop asking him questions about his past love life. I think you’re allowing yourself to ask nosy, insecure questions under the guise of ‘openness’. He’s with you because he thinks you’re awesome. Comparing yourself to others in his past is damaging to your self-esteem and to your relationship. Please focus on building up your own self-worth instead of knocking others down. 

Post # 30
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

sorry Bee hopefully this is a lesson learned I would just let it pass and never bring it up again if you want to continue seeing him. 

My fi once confided in me that he had fooled around with one of his very close girl friends it made me EXTREMELY uncomfortable due to some other things that were said and some insensitive remarks his friends had said. “Oh she’s his favorite” and her mom being WAY too protective of him made me feel really icky.

She’s a good person but honestly that’s something I would have liked to have known BEFORE I met her in person instead of after like ‘OH THAT’s why you guys are so f*cking weird, K GOT IT!”

My fi also has a very weird position on what’s OK to talk to opposite sex friends about and what’s not (swim team). SOOOOO anyways. 

Good luck Bee….I personally never want to know about my fi past/history. I’m not an idiot.  I know he has one (I do too) but I seriously don’t want to know haha!

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