Post # 31
Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to.
But, once asked, he should have pled the 5th.
It’s only been 2 months. If you can’t get over it (without asking any other questions) then you need to move on from him, sorry to say. This might hang in the back of your mind forever. It probably would for me.
Post # 32
Well, to be fair, in her post she states that he did lie and say she was the best. Then later admitted the truth, I’m assuming because the OP wouldn’t let it go. I don’t think this one is on him at all.
You can’t ask these questions. My husband had many partners before me so I can basically guarantee that at least one must have had better skills in bed. But I’d never want to make him say that or talk about his sex life with them at all for that matter.
Post # 33
Ohh honey, first and foremost – quit that ‘talking about everything‘ sh*t immediately. There’s a difference between talking about everything that is relevant to you and your relationship today and dredging up irrelevant and hurtful information about the past.
Secondly – when my husband and I first started dating, he wasn’t the best sex I’d ever had either. But when he told me I was the best sex he ever had, I lied and said “me too baby” until it was actually true. It usually takes a bit of time to find your own rhythm and learn about what each other like in bed.
So just keep practicing and in the future don’t ask (irrelevant) questions you don’t want to know the answers to.
Post # 34
Two months in, Fi and I were still having what I consider sub-par sex.
But I’m confident in myself, and I was confident I knew what the issue was and how to fix it. So I continued being my sexy self, built up Fi’s own confidence, and our sex life has now evolved into the best sex either of us has ever had.
And it’s not because either of us “pulls out all the stops.” We usually just go for the easier positions, and keep things simple.
We both value connection over “performance” in bed, and so we both usually get off, and we both come away from almost every encounter satisfied and happy.
Looking back on it, the only time our sex WASN’T great was when Fi was feeling insecure and got caught up in his own head.
Which is exactly what you’re doing.
Stop getting stuck in your own head and comparing yourself to someone else.
The FACTS are that he’s not with her. He’s with you.
And it’s only a matter of time and improved connection until you fully eclipse his memory of her.
Post # 36
I mentioned that because I have natural small boobs that are generally unappealing to men. Fake breasts are generally very nice.
Post # 37
totally not true. Many guys I know talk about how fake boobs are tasteless and much prefer natural, whatever size they are. And these are classy guys. Of course some are into “bigger is better”, but they are not the types of guys I would date. I have small boobs too and lets be honest, if big boobs mattered that much to the guys I dated, they would’ve been dating someone with big boobs, not me.
Honestly you sound young and a bit immature in relationships based on the type of questions you’re asking your new boyfriend, the fact that you think you can talk about “anything”, and your skewed views about what men find appealing/ attractive. Either you’ve been hanging out with / dating the wrong type of men or you’re buying into what pop culture and music videos are telling you is attractive to men.
Remember, confidence is attractive. Self esteem is attractive. And a man who genuinely likes you for who you are will find you attractive.
Post # 39
Yes I think this is the typical case of Pandora’s Box. I wouldn’t ask questions like that because personally, I can’t handle stuff like that.
I wanted to chime in to add too that I think there are plenty of people who have had amazing past partners (intimately wise) but that’s not what really keeps you in a relationship. It’s a lot more than that. If I had to take a guess, my DH has probably had better partners bc I was less experienced and he’s older. But essentially, that’s not ALL there is to a relationship.
Post # 40
I don’t think you are stupid/idiot/whatever other horrible names people have thrown at you. If you cant ask these kinds of questions of your partner, and get an honest answer in return, then, well… what is that? Your honey is with you, not her, and that is what you need to remember. His answer was honest, and that matters. So you can use this as a catalyst to the destruction of your relationship, or you can use it as a catalyst to figure out how to make him forget her.
Post # 41
Thank you for the reply! It was helpful. I do not believe I am immature for asking questions and being really comfortable with someone. It just kind of happened.
We agreed not to talk about any ex’s for the future and believe we can get over this little hump. I appreciate he was honest with me and he feels pretty badly he hurt my feelings.
Post # 42
I don’t think YOU are immature. But it was an immature relationship question. Hey we’ve all asked it before. That’s how we knew we shouldn’t be asking these types of questions because a) the answer is often not what you want to hear / will bother you and potentially hurt the relationship. b) it’s not relevant to the current relationship, it’s in the past and doesn’t have any impact on the current one so it should just be left in the past.
Being comfortable with someone and feel like you can talk about anything doesn’t mean you should be talking about ANYTHING. There are still things that are hurtful or irrelevant or may impact on your relationship unnecessarily if talked about / revealed. You don’t find out the impact until you’ve talked about it and by then it might be too late. So best to just not talk about those things no matter how comfortable it feels in the moment.
Post # 43
I do understand what you are saying. I just am a very open person and will myself answer any question about my past if it’s asked, even with friends I’m super open. I’ve always discussed at least a bit of the past in every relationship to find out about the person.
I do agree that there are some questions that shouldn’t be asked to a partner, but I disagree there are immature questions. I do however think there are immature reactions and ways of dealing with information. Fortunately, we were able to deal with it maturely and agreed not to discuss the past anymore. I do appreciate your feedback.