Post # 61
Member
5951 posts
Bee Keeper
baygull : I would really honestly love to be wrong about this for your sake, there’s no joy in being right on a message board when it means a Bee is hurting as a result, but I can’t help feeling that he’s just feeding you more line. He’s talking head counts at your wedding, packing your stuff in storage to go off on an extended trip, how many kids you’ll have- but this sounds more like pie in the sky than actual plans, more ‘this is what I envision’ than actual timeline. It sounds like he’s bought himself some time without actually having to back it up with any actions anytime soon.
Post # 62
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
A year is enough time for a 40 year old man to know if he wants to marry a woman. Especially if you are, as you say, “spending almost all of your time together.” You should not entertain the “play house” thing with him. Skip that. He should spend his time entertaining a date on which to give you a ring.
I’m willing to bet your SO is a really great guy. Unfotunately so many great guys are bleeping idiots and don’t know when they’ve hit the jackpot with the woman they got.
Hasn’t had a serious relationship EVER, at nearly 40 meets someone, spends almost every waking minute with her for a year, realizes she’s the love of his life, not sure it’s time to get engaged????
This is your winning lottery ticket, you unbelievable bozo!!!
Why so many of them are like this, I don’t know. I don’t have a solution. But it’s a common thing. You’re certainly not alone.
Post # 63
Member
823 posts
Busy bee
It sounds like he’s trying hard to keep you pacified, but not very willing to marry. Would you be okay with marrying a reluctant participant (assuming he eventually agrees)?
I think a lot of people are seeing what I’m seeing, and it doesn’t look good. We are far away, but perhaps you are too close to the situation to see the bigger picture.
Post # 64
Member
1114 posts
Bumble bee
What’s the reason to do everything: engagement, traveling, move in together…. altogether (? Sounds like they are all happening during a short time period), 8 months from now?
Maybe I’m understanding it wrong. Are you “living together” for the first time when you travel next year? Will you be engaged when you travel, for the family union?
Post # 65
Member
21 posts
Newbee
baygull : In all honesty all I have to say is the guy is 40. He either wants a wife or he doesn’t at this point. No dilly dallying around. I’d give him a SHORT timeline to work with then if he doesn’t follow through….then see ya.
Post # 66
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
Very unexpected update…
My bf and I had an argument a couple days ago that led to me saying, look, we’re eventually going to get married or we’re going to break up. I wasn’t giving him an ultimatum, just explaining that as relationships work, one or the other of those things was going to happen for us in the next couple years. Anyway, it was like a lightbulb moment – he was like, “Oh, well obviously we’re going to get married then, because we’re not breaking up. And if I can say that now, why wait?”
He asked to see the rings I liked, I sent a list over to him, and he said we’re basically engaged and we should start planning for the wedding to happen next spring (he keeps initiating conversations now about guestlists and potential venues, and will roll over in bed and say, “I’m going to marry you!”). He really does want to do a “proper” romantic proposal and ask me, which he says will happen before September, at which point we’ll announce it and start booking things. He has even started to look into premarital counseling, because he wants to “make sure we start off on the best foot possible”.
Thanks for all your kind words bees, it was so helpful to know I wasn’t crazy for wanting to talk this through with him, and once he “got it”, he seemed to get it all at once and everything happened MUCH faster than I thought. He’s excited, and I’m over the moon!
Post # 67
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
Congratulations, you must be so excited 🙂 I’m glad things worked out for you.
Post # 68
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
Yah! Congrats! Sounds like he has finally wrapped his brain around it. Sometimes they just have to talk and think through it. Good luck and have fun planning!
Post # 69
Member
1505 posts
Bumble bee
baygull : congratulations!!!! That’s super exciting 😊
Post # 70
Member
1550 posts
Bumble bee
Wow .. that worked out so well for you .
Post # 71
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
baygull : Don’t push it. He’ll let you know when he’s ready. You don’t want to be that girl that got married just because she was pushy.
Post # 72
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
Idk if you all will have seen my update in the waiting thread, and I don’t want to revive a zombie thread, but I wanted to update you all and let you know that my bf proposed last week! I honestly didn’t think he was going to do it so soon – my money was on July/August (and then another chat if that didn’t happen) – but he caught me completely off guard by doing it last Wednesday. We’ve already started planning, aiming for autumn (so soon! eek!). So my story had a happy ending 🙂
Post # 73
Member
21 posts
Newbee
baygull : all I have to say is, the guy is 40. Time to grow up, mr. you wanna marry the lady or you don’t. You went along with meeting his fam as he requested, now time to further the convo about getting married. He may be older but you seem more mature. Sit him down and be calm but firm, tell him hey I’ve met your fam, you said we could talk more after, so let’s talk. If he keeps dilly dallying around, I wouldn’t waste my time. At 40, you know if you wanna marry or not. No time to play house. He may be getting older but you are still young and need to be free to meet other men if he is not going to seal the deal.
Post # 74
Member
21 posts
Newbee
baygull : yay!!! I’ve always thought some guys need a push and I think that’s ok as long as they propose of their own accord. Congrats!!!
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