Bf doesn't want to talk timelines

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 61
Member
5951 posts
Bee Keeper

baygull :  I would really honestly love to be wrong about this for your sake, there’s no joy in being right on a message board when it means a Bee is hurting as a result,  but I can’t help feeling that he’s just feeding you more line. He’s talking head counts at your wedding, packing your stuff in storage to go off on an extended trip, how many kids you’ll have- but this sounds more like pie in the sky than actual plans, more ‘this is what I envision’ than actual timeline. It sounds like he’s bought himself some time without actually having to back it up with any actions anytime soon. 

Post # 62
Member
343 posts
Helper bee

A year is enough time for a 40 year old man to know if he wants to marry a woman. Especially if you are, as you say,  “spending almost all of your time together.”  You should not entertain the “play house” thing with him. Skip that. He should spend his time entertaining a date on which to give you a ring.

I’m willing to bet your SO is a really great guy. Unfotunately so many great guys are bleeping idiots and don’t know when they’ve hit the jackpot with the woman they got.

Hasn’t had a serious relationship EVER, at nearly 40 meets someone, spends almost every waking minute with her for a year, realizes she’s the love of his life, not sure it’s time to get engaged???? 
This is your winning lottery ticket, you unbelievable bozo!!!

Why so many of them are like this, I don’t know. I don’t have a solution. But it’s a common thing. You’re certainly not alone. 

Post # 63
Member
823 posts
Busy bee

It sounds like he’s trying hard to keep you pacified, but not very willing to marry.  Would you be okay with marrying a reluctant participant (assuming he eventually agrees)?

I think a lot of people are seeing what I’m seeing,  and it doesn’t look good. We are far away, but perhaps you are too close to the situation to see the bigger picture. 

Post # 64
Member
1114 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

What’s the reason to do everything: engagement, traveling, move in together…. altogether (? Sounds like they are all happening during a short time period), 8 months from now?

Maybe I’m understanding it wrong. Are you “living together” for the first time when you travel next year? Will you be engaged when you travel, for the family union?

Post # 65
Member
21 posts
Newbee

baygull :  In all honesty all I have to say is the guy is 40. He either wants a wife or he doesn’t at this point. No dilly dallying around. I’d give him a SHORT timeline to work with then if he doesn’t follow through….then see ya.

Post # 67
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Congratulations, you must be so excited 🙂 I’m glad things worked out for you. 

Post # 68
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Yah! Congrats! Sounds like he has finally wrapped his brain around it. Sometimes they just have to talk and think through it. Good luck and have fun planning!

Post # 69
Member
1505 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

baygull :  congratulations!!!! That’s super exciting 😊

Post # 70
Member
1550 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Wow .. that worked out so well for you .

Post # 71
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

baygull :  Don’t push it. He’ll let you know when he’s ready. You don’t want to be that girl that got married just because she was pushy. 

Post # 73
Member
21 posts
Newbee

baygull :  all I have to say is, the guy is 40. Time to grow up, mr. you wanna marry the lady or you don’t. You went along with meeting his fam as he requested, now time to further the convo about getting married. He may be older but you seem more mature. Sit him down and be calm but firm, tell him hey I’ve met your fam, you said we could talk more after, so let’s talk. If he keeps dilly dallying around, I wouldn’t waste my time. At 40, you know if you wanna marry or not. No time to play house. He may be getting older but you are still young and need to be free to meet other men if he is not going to seal the deal.

Post # 74
Member
21 posts
Newbee

baygull :  yay!!! I’ve always thought some guys need a push and I think that’s ok as long as they propose of their own accord. Congrats!!!

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