Post # 1
Longtime lurker first time poster. So a few days ago my boyfriend of 3 years told me that two of his co-workers (one of which we are fairly good friends with) are going to an ex-coworker’s wedding. Coworker #1 (our friend) is taking another friend of ours as her plus one. Coworker #2 decided to take my boyfriend as her plus one. Now, I don’t think there’s anything going on between the two of them but I told him I didn’t like that he was going as her date. He got defensive and said that he doesn’t want to go against my wishes but that he also doesn’t think a SO should be able to tell him what he can and can not do.
Am I being crazy? Is there some other way I can vocalize my discomfort? He gets defensive and shuts down when I try to bring up issues. I don’t want him to resent me if I keep saying it’s not appropriate to go to a wedding with another woman.
Post # 2
Unless there is a relevant history here that you haven’t shared, I think you’re being a bit unreasonable. I see nothing wrong with him going as friends with his coworkers.
Post # 3
Odd thing for him to get defensive about.
Post # 4
That’s really uncomfortable and I’m surprised by his reaction. I’d expect a boyfriend of 3 years to immediately back off if you said you didn’t feel comfortable with him going
Post # 5
I think you are over thinking this. They aren’t going on a date, his co-worker probably just wants to bring a guest who at least knows the couple.
The way he’s responding is concerning though. Is this how he typically acts when you have a disagreement?
Post # 6
futuregall15 : I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. I would shut that down real quick. Sorry, but my man isn’t going to a wedding with another woman. And if you feel as strongly about this as I would, then he needs to respect your boundaries. AND the fact that he’s getting defensive about it is a red flag.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t be comfortable with this either. 3 years is long enough where your opinion absolutely matters in this kind of situation and it is concerning that he totally blew you off and got defense over you voicing a very VALID concern.
Post # 8
I agree with PPs. The situation itself isn’t too bad but his reaction to you saying it made you a little uncomfortable should not be to get defensive and shut down.
Post # 9
Um, I think this is weird as hell. When I was single, I couldn’t imagine inviting another woman’s bf to a wedding as my date??
Even if it’s totally innocent, the way your bf is approaching this would not fly with me. If he’d come to you and been like “So, Ccoworker invited me to a wedding – obviously just as friends – I’d like to go but wanted to see how you felt about it” – that would be one thing, but just announcing it to you as a done deal and then whining that “he doesn’t think his SO should be able to tell him what he can and can not do” makes him sound like a big baby.
Post # 10
Er, no, I wouldn’t feel cool with this. Maybe some don’t mind, but I don’t like the thought of my husband getting all snazzy fancied up with another girl to spend hours together. Friend or not, naaaah.
Post # 11
Post # 12
I find it odd that she would choose your boyfriend, a taken man, as her plus one like that’s normal. I can understand single friends going together or randomly asking a guy friend who you know is single. I don’t see why she needs to take your boyfriend as her plus one in the first place. If he was invited and wanted to bring a plus one wouldn’t it be you?
Post # 13
Him being defensive isn’t a red flag as PP’s suggest. It’s a valid reaction. If a guy from work invited me to the wedding of a mutual friend, my husband gets no say. If it makes him uncomfortable, that’s his cross. I think it’s utterly sexist to automatically be uncomfortable with your spouse having opposite sex friends, period.
He isn’t going as her date, he is going as her plus one, there is a distinction there that you need to recognize.
Post # 14
Did your bf get an invitation with a plus one? If so, he should be taking you.
If he didn’t, I still think it’s weird to accept an invitation from a female to be her plus one. He should bow out. If he didn’t get his own invite to the wedding he obviously isn’t close to the ex coworker and doesn’t need to be attending.
Post # 15
I would be uncomfortable. The ex-coworker who is getting married isn’t so good of a friend that he/she actually invited your Boyfriend or Best Friend to the wedding, so he truly is there as the current coworker’s plus one. Do you know coworker who invited your BF? Unless this is a friendship that has gone on for years and predates your relationship it is disrespectful of your relationship to accept a date with another woman even though it makes his Girlfriend of 3 years uncomfortable. That your discomfort isn’t important to your Boyfriend or Best Friend is especially alarming.