BF going to a wedding with other woman

posted 8 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
2825 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Unless there is a relevant history here that you haven’t shared, I think you’re being a bit unreasonable. I see nothing wrong with him going as friends with his coworkers. 

Post # 3
833 posts
Busy bee

Odd thing for him to get defensive about.

Post # 4
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

That’s really uncomfortable and I’m surprised by his reaction. I’d expect a boyfriend of 3 years to immediately back off if you said you didn’t feel comfortable with him going

Post # 5
9121 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I think you are over thinking this. They aren’t going on a date, his co-worker probably just wants to bring a guest who at least knows the couple.

The way he’s responding is concerning though. Is this how he typically acts when you have a disagreement?

Post # 6
131 posts
Blushing bee

futuregall15 :  I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. I would shut that down real quick. Sorry, but my man isn’t going to a wedding with another woman. And if you feel as strongly about this as I would, then he needs to respect your boundaries. AND the fact that he’s getting defensive about it is a red flag.

Post # 7
2947 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I wouldn’t be comfortable with this either. 3 years is long enough where your opinion absolutely matters in this kind of situation and it is concerning that he totally blew you off and got defense over you voicing a very VALID concern. 

Post # 8
619 posts
Busy bee

I agree with PPs. The situation itself isn’t too bad but his reaction to you saying it made you a little uncomfortable should not be to get defensive and shut down. 

Post # 9
7389 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Um, I think this is weird as hell. When I was single, I couldn’t imagine inviting another woman’s bf to a wedding as my date??

Even if it’s totally innocent, the way your bf is approaching this would not fly with me. If he’d come to you and been like “So, Ccoworker invited me to a wedding – obviously just as friends – I’d like to go but wanted to see how you felt about it” – that would be one thing, but just announcing it to you as a done deal and then whining that “he doesn’t think his SO should be able to tell him what he can and can not do” makes him sound like a big baby.

Post # 10
1258 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: -

Er, no, I wouldn’t feel cool with this. Maybe some don’t mind, but I don’t like the thought of my husband getting all snazzy fancied up with another girl to spend hours together. Friend or not, naaaah.

Post # 12
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I find it odd that she would choose your boyfriend, a taken man, as her plus one like that’s normal. I can understand single friends going together or randomly asking a guy friend who you know is single. I don’t see why she needs to take your boyfriend as her plus one in the first place. If he was invited and wanted to bring a plus one wouldn’t it be you? 

Post # 13
852 posts
Busy bee

Him being defensive isn’t a red flag as PP’s suggest. It’s a valid reaction. If a guy from work invited me to the wedding of a mutual friend, my husband gets no say. If it makes him uncomfortable, that’s his cross. I think it’s utterly sexist to automatically be uncomfortable with your spouse having opposite sex friends, period. 

He isn’t going as her date, he is going as her plus one, there is a distinction there that you need to recognize.

Post # 14
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Canada

Did your bf get an invitation with a plus one? If so, he should be taking you.

If he didn’t, I still think it’s weird to accept an invitation from a female to be her plus one.  He should bow out.  If he didn’t get his own invite to the wedding he obviously isn’t close to the ex coworker and doesn’t need to be attending.

Post # 15
17 posts

I would be uncomfortable. The ex-coworker who is getting married isn’t so good of a friend that he/she actually invited your Boyfriend or Best Friend to the wedding, so he truly is there as the current coworker’s plus one. Do you know coworker who invited your BF? Unless this is a friendship that has gone on for years and predates your relationship it is disrespectful of your relationship to accept a date with another woman even though it makes his Girlfriend of 3 years uncomfortable. That your discomfort isn’t important to your Boyfriend or Best Friend is especially alarming. 

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