(Closed) Bf had some emails I would have preferred not seeing…

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
1747 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

This has happened to me and I brought it up. The explanation I received was that he was on a lot of websites and when he met me, didn’t take it upon himself to delete all the accounts because he was too busy dating me (hm?lol). Anyway, he deleted all of his accounts in front of me when I brought it up. 

I do have to say that I used to be on a website and it was a little ego boost when someone “liked” me or whatever. I would never act on it, but when my Fiance explained his  ego was also inflated a little from this, I understood. Of course, this was before we got engaged, and he is no longer on any of those websites. But sometimes, you can lose sight of what you are a member of and keep receiving emails and spam and don’t bother to put an end to it (for ego or otherwise).

Post # 4
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I would say you should tell him. You were going through his e-mail without him knowing and he should feel like his privacy can be respected. And also it sounds like its just going to eat you up thinking about it, so you might as well just get out in front of it and talk about it.

Post # 5
4325 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@Imean:  Let Plenty Of Fish go. Really. If he joined before he met you, they will spam him. I still get email from eharmony.com, and I’m married. 

The ex, I would be worried about her motives based on her “i’ve changed! count the ways!” email. She totally wants your man back. Trust him to do the right thing, but be wary of her. 

Post # 6
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Hmmm that’s a tough one.

Did you two meet on Plenty of Fish? Or through another means?

You were in the wrong at looking for more e-mails, but if his phone was making a lot of noise seeing the PoF e-mail might be excusable.

It sounds like he’s not entertaining this ex’s flirtations and I wouldn’t worry too much about a nick-name, as long as it wasn’t “Love-y bear” or something like that. If you are used to calling someone something, it might just be your default.

If the PoF e-mail really bothers you, maybe you could just let him know that when you silenced his phone last night (since it was beeping up a storm) you saw that the top e-mail from was PoF. Don’t be accusatory, but maybe ask if he forgot to deactivate his profile?

I’m not really sure how to handle appropriately, but as long as you tread very carefully and do not accuse him of anything it should be ok. 

Post # 7
2414 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I get e-mails from all sorts of singles sites telling me that “I have matches.” No biggie. The ex-gf thing would bother me, even though it seemed harmless, so I would probably bring it up to put my mind at ease.

Post # 8
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I still get Match emails and I deactivated my account years ago.  I also get “HOTTT BLACK SINGLES,” emails.  Spam is stupid.  I’d be more concerned that he didn’t at least mention about the ex.

We could be weird, but Fiance and I have an open-door policy re: being contacted by Ex’s.  If you don’t solicit the contact, there’s nothing to hide, so the initial contact and response should be acknowledged.  Primarily, it’s for situations like yours- I would hate to see an email like that, but if he casually mentioned it I wouldn’t think anything of it.

It’s only been a few days, so maybe you can find a way to work it into a conversation to make him feel comfortable bringing it up to you before you have to call him on it. 

Post # 9
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Just be honest and bring it up. If you don’t you will constantly think about it and that could cause you to act differently and cause things to go downhill. The truth is always best!

Post # 10
1595 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would have seen if he responded to any other people from the site. If not, let it go….but actually he shouldn’t be opening emails from the site to the point where he responded to his ex…I used to be on online dating sites and still get crap email from them, but I never open them…I would say something.

Post # 11
4676 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I met my Fiance online, but never really, officially closed any of my dating sites.  Most of them got the clue, but I still get occasional “you have matches” e-mails from some of them.  So I really wouldn’t worry about this.  

I probably wouldn’t bring the ex thing up unless you have other suspicions, or something other than e-mails happens.  They broke up for a reason, and I’d hope that he remembers that reason.  Unless he is open to you reading his e-mail he might get made about that, and cause un-needed stress on your relationship.  

Post # 12
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I seriously wouldn’t be upset with the Plenty of Fish emails. The site is just spamming him with notifications with “current” matches. No worries about that hun. 

In regards to the email correspondence with his ex. He should of at least informed you upfront that his ex has contacted him, unless he genuinely forgot about the entire thing because it was no big deal to him. It does happen. 

However, I’d still just mention to him casually like it’s no big deal and say it was truely accidental because the notifications were disrupting your sleep. Don’t show it’s irritating you because from the sounds of it–on his behalf–it’s no big deal. He will feel like you don’t trust him.  But his ex on the other hand is a little homewrecker. She just wants what she can’t have. 

Post # 13
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012


I think they were separate emails.  One from his ex, and one from the dating site.  

I would totally open a personal e-mail from my ex, if for no other reason to tell him no to email me again. 

Post # 14
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I agree with the other ladies: tell him.  It’s important you are both open and honest about things in a relationship.  Granted, you might be worried over something miniscule that your mind is blowing the situation up.  We all do it!

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