- 3 years ago
Okay, I just need somewhere I can vent and rant. Just looking for advice and if anyone has gone through something similar. This is long and I apologize in advance.
My Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have been together 7 years and started dating when we were 17. Everything about our relationship is amazing, and we have even moved in together. Throughout the years we have grown up together, and seen each others first everything. I really can’t imagine him not in my life. He’s been there for me through it all, especially when my mother passed away unexpectly a few years back. He really helped me from slipping into a hole.
However, he suffers from major anxiety. His mother has anxiety too, but I don’t believe it goes this far. I think my Boyfriend or Best Friend has always had this mental illness, and over the course of dating him it has gotten worse and worse and I have really seen his true colors. It feels like sometimes I’m dating two people: the anxieties and him.
When he was in high school his father was diagnosed with cancer. Watching his father turn sick with an illness unexpectedly, and almost dying definitely scared him. His fear of death grew. Thankfully his father is alive and cancer free today.
Fast-forward to when we finished highschool and my dad offered him a job as a electrician. He was so excited since that was one of his goal careers he always talked about. We were so happy since we knew we could build our lives off of it. Unfortunately, his anxieties don’t help him on the job site. He’s so afraid of death at the job and everything he does involves some sort of risk. His biggest fear is aspesis. Just like cancer you won’t even know you have it, and then in 10 years and its too late. I’m always there for him, always trying to be sympathetic. I tell him things like “look at my dad, doing this job for 30+ years and hes fine”. No matter how I try and help, the thoughts are always there. He also has never missed a day of work.
He’s the type of person that when he feels a pain in a certian area, he will go straight to the docoter if it won’t go away in a few days. He always worries he has cancer. The doctors always give him the clear and thankfully hes okay and healthy. It’s almost like every year we have this “cancer scare”. It’s not just that, its with any pain that won’t go away…any health issue it just gets to him and he obsesses and worries to the point his chest hurts and he wont eat.
My Boyfriend or Best Friend also stressed so much and overthinks everything! His mind will race a million times a minute and he will think every little thing through. If something happened at work he will stress about the conversation he had, something he said or should have said. He will always remember it and never let that go. I agree to an extend that it is normal to worry and overthink, however he does it all day. I know thats not healthy. He says the only way he resets back to normal is when he goes to sleep and wakes up.
He is in denial how how bad his anxieties are. He hates being shown as weak or having an illness. No one but me and his mom know (she doesn’t even know how bad it is). Really I feel alone sometimes. I know I help him a lot…he vents to me and that really helps, and just knowing he has someone who is always there for him. But there are sometimes I’m overwhelmed and when he has pain in his chest (finds it’s hard to breathe), eat and sleep I get so Worried. Sometimes it can last for days. This can be a mental and physical thing for him, and I’m hopeless just watching him suffer.
Well today all hell broke loose. He’s having a difficult time at work at the moment and gently started to bring up seeing his family doctor to get some help. I should mention that when this conversation does get brought up he always gets sensitive and defensive very quickly and shuts down. He never wants to be on drugs. I tried explaining that maybe sometimes when things seem maybe a little much that medication could help. He got angry and said he shouldn’t suppress his emotions and pills are bad. Well I tried to tell him reasons why he needs help and to see a therapist and he just got so angry and walked away. I feel like there is no reasoning or convincing.
I know my BF knows he needs help! I’m just having the hardest time trying to get him to not be in denial and face the truth. For 7 years I’ve been hoping it will just get better. How do I make him come to terms with this? How can I make him see the positives? I need advice from someone whos been in a situation like this before, how to get someone who is sick to accept they need help. I know he will say right now we are not financially stable to afford it, but I don’t care. I know his mom would help us, but he wouldnt want that.
I should add he has never seen a therapist or any sort of help/counselling.
Advice and moral support needed right now. I feel so guilty and drained. I don’t know how to handle this properly. Please no mean comments, I know he needs help. HOW do I get him this?