(Closed) BF is attracted to our roommate. I think. Please. Help.

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 165
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

View original reply
Love2Love:  I kind of don’t get it… this isn’t a murder trial, it’s a relationship. I understand what you’re saying on the surface, but unless you have a history of being a psycho jealous stalkery Girlfriend, if your BF is doing something that makes you feel insecure and uncomfortable, you should be able to confront him without incontrovertible evidence and ask him to make some reasonable changes. If he is totally unwilling to listen respectfully and try to figure out a way for you to feel comfortable again, then he’s not worth staying with, anyway.

Post # 166
Member
1639 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

View original reply
Love2Love:  I agree with what you have to say. I see the point of others saying otherwise, but I still think this is legit, especially since you said you don’t wanna confront them together or ask the other couple to move out.

It has been said already, but it bears being said again, OP, if your bf is in fact cheating with this girl, even if “Joe” and “Anna” move out, it doesn’t solve the problem: your bf obviously felt he had to cheat for a reason, which means if he did it once, he could do it again. His behavior is the problem. I think you should very much consider that in your decisions.

Post # 168
Member
23 posts
Newbee

View original reply
ohnatto:  If you’ve never been cheated on then no. You’re not going to get it. You cannot reason with, have (honest or productive) conversations with a cheater. They will lie up and down right to your face, looking you right in the eyes. Nothing is off limits for a cheater. They’ve already committed the unthinkable.

She never did the digging to find out if he WAS cheating. That’s step one. If she found nothing, saw all was clear, then she could have sat down and been like, “Listen, I’m glad you guys are friends but it makes me uncomfortable because of X, Y, and Z.”

He has done more than enough to warrant a raised eyebrow. Sure someone can sit and say some pretty words, “Oh, I’ve been cheated on. I know it hurts. I’d never do that to you.” But what is that? Words. What you need to be looking at are actions.

1. Sitting together with another woman under a blanket and then jumping up looking like a deer in headlights when girlfriend comes home early.

2. Deleting text messages between them.

3. Lying about his where abouts, saying he had plans with his girlfriend when SURPRISE he was out with this other woman. Not to mention he, and she, were then completely unreachable for the rest of the night. Hmm, I wonder why?

4. Other man is also suspicious as to their behavior.  

At this point, based on what I’ve been through, this would be enough for me to bounce out anyway, but if OP wants to save this relationship, continue on, and remain with a potential cheater, that’s her decision to make. But she needs to be informed on what he’s doing, what he has done, and the only way to do that, is to do the digging.          

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 7 months ago by  Love2Love.
  • This reply was modified 6 years, 7 months ago by  Love2Love.
Post # 169
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

View original reply
Love2Love:  Actually I HAVE been cheated on. It’s just that I consider making your SO feel insecure and uncomfortable an action worth discussing as much so as actual cheating – I don’t think there is a need to have DNA evidence that cheating has occurred before you can consider leaving your partner over it. Near-cheating, or cheating suspicions (provided you don’t have a history of being a person who always thinks her partner is cheating on her and freaks out over every friendship he has) should be enough to warrant a serious discussion, and if your SO doesn’t change to accommodate your feelings, whether you have actual evidence he cheated or not – my opinion is the relationship is over, leave.

Post # 170
Member
23 posts
Newbee

 

View original reply
ohnatto:  So based on the evidence provided here thus far, you REALLY think this guy is capable of having an honest heart to heart? Really? Come on now. He’s already lying. He’s BEEN lying. What is a “conversation” going to do here? I honestly think cheating has occurred. That’s my opinion. It’s already happened. But because OP has nothing, what is he going to do? Suddenly break down and confess? Of course not. His reaction at being talked to, was to laugh.

What would a conversation do to ease her worries? “Oh baby, you know I’d never cheat on you *kiss kiss*” and then he’ll go and blow smoke up her ass for a little while, divert her attention, and go back to whatever it was he was doing.

Only, AND ONLY when all the cards are out on the table, everything has been outted, can real healing begin.

Post # 171
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

View original reply
Love2Love:  I don’t think you quite understand me. If I didn’t think my SO was capable of having an honest heart to heart about something, that, in itself, is a reason to leave him. But I’d give him a chance to talk it over with me and change his behaviour so I didn’t feel so insecure. If he laughed it off and didn’t change, I would leave him – whether I had hard evidence of cheating or not.

Post # 172
Member
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Maybe you should ask them to leave the apartment. This living situation is not good. They are up to something.

Post # 173
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee

Sadly I agree with the person who said you should have waited to confront him until you had something concrete. IF something is going on, they will be more careful.

That being said, the idea to see if they stop taking those bike rides together is good one. It would be suspicious.

Sorry you’re going through this.

Post # 174
Member
2453 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Individually, I can explain the three things in the first post.

1. Blanket issue: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE someone tell me their first thought was Boy Meets World…  This right here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unlaZ559FBU

I’m sorry, I know this is serious, but I am way too excited for Girl Meets World.  UNDERPANTS.

2. Groceries issues: he needed some stuff.  And/or he may have felt guilty for making her buy everything.

3. Text issue: Excited for the bike ride!  Also, I don’t have this issue with my current phone, but on my old phone I would often delete texts from a person like my Fiance, my best friend, my sister…  Because they got way too long and freed up the most space.  But I still wanted to save texts from someone else, so I only deleted the one person.  So while I would have texts months back from my cousin, I would have an empty inbox from my Fiance. 

 

THAT SAID…  Your gut feeling says this is all wrong.  I think having them move out could be beneficial for all involved at this point.

Post # 175
Member
1384 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

View original reply
Apple_Blossom:  I was thinking the same thing. But a woman’s intuition generally doesn’t lie. Although I’ve seen on Maury that sometimes it does lol.

Post # 176
Member
1937 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I absolutely disagree that you should put a keystroke logger or something similar onto his computer. My DHs ex did that to catch him cheating and it is such an absolute breach of privacy and trust. Whatever you do, be sure you don’t throw away your integrity through all this. Be able to walk away from this being the bigger person, and don’t get dragged down. Can you imagine if he found out you did that and HADNT been cheating??

Post # 178
Member
1639 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

View original reply
KatGrace130:  Good luck, OP. I hope you find out something, no matter what it is, just to help you make a decision and become informed. =\ Sending hugs.

Post # 179
Member
2677 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

View original reply
KatGrace130:  I think going through all of this work (aka playing games) to have concrete proof is kind of ridiculous.  Not trusting him or the roomate set up is enough reason to either end things with your bf &/or your roommates.  I really do hope you guys are wrong though & everything ends up working out.

Post # 180
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
KatGrace130:  Good luck and I’m keeping my fingers crossed for the best possible outcome. I have been following this thread since the beginning, and can only remember my own experience with this type of situation. I am so sorry you are going through this, but try and remember that this will pass no matter the outcome. We are all sending you big internet hugs.

The topic ‘BF is attracted to our roommate. I think. Please. Help.’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors