- 7 years ago
- Wedding: August 2014
It has been said already, but it bears being said again, OP, if your bf is in fact cheating with this girl, even if “Joe” and “Anna” move out, it doesn’t solve the problem: your bf obviously felt he had to cheat for a reason, which means if he did it once, he could do it again. His behavior is the problem. I think you should very much consider that in your decisions.
She never did the digging to find out if he WAS cheating. That’s step one. If she found nothing, saw all was clear, then she could have sat down and been like, “Listen, I’m glad you guys are friends but it makes me uncomfortable because of X, Y, and Z.”
He has done more than enough to warrant a raised eyebrow. Sure someone can sit and say some pretty words, “Oh, I’ve been cheated on. I know it hurts. I’d never do that to you.” But what is that? Words. What you need to be looking at are actions.
1. Sitting together with another woman under a blanket and then jumping up looking like a deer in headlights when girlfriend comes home early.
2. Deleting text messages between them.
3. Lying about his where abouts, saying he had plans with his girlfriend when SURPRISE he was out with this other woman. Not to mention he, and she, were then completely unreachable for the rest of the night. Hmm, I wonder why?
4. Other man is also suspicious as to their behavior.
At this point, based on what I’ve been through, this would be enough for me to bounce out anyway, but if OP wants to save this relationship, continue on, and remain with a potential cheater, that’s her decision to make. But she needs to be informed on what he’s doing, what he has done, and the only way to do that, is to do the digging.
What would a conversation do to ease her worries? “Oh baby, you know I’d never cheat on you *kiss kiss*” and then he’ll go and blow smoke up her ass for a little while, divert her attention, and go back to whatever it was he was doing.
Only, AND ONLY when all the cards are out on the table, everything has been outted, can real healing begin.
Maybe you should ask them to leave the apartment. This living situation is not good. They are up to something.
Sadly I agree with the person who said you should have waited to confront him until you had something concrete. IF something is going on, they will be more careful.
That being said, the idea to see if they stop taking those bike rides together is good one. It would be suspicious.
Sorry you’re going through this.
Individually, I can explain the three things in the first post.
1. Blanket issue: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE someone tell me their first thought was Boy Meets World… This right here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unlaZ559FBU
I’m sorry, I know this is serious, but I am way too excited for Girl Meets World. UNDERPANTS.
2. Groceries issues: he needed some stuff. And/or he may have felt guilty for making her buy everything.
3. Text issue: Excited for the bike ride! Also, I don’t have this issue with my current phone, but on my old phone I would often delete texts from a person like my Fiance, my best friend, my sister… Because they got way too long and freed up the most space. But I still wanted to save texts from someone else, so I only deleted the one person. So while I would have texts months back from my cousin, I would have an empty inbox from my Fiance.
THAT SAID… Your gut feeling says this is all wrong. I think having them move out could be beneficial for all involved at this point.
I absolutely disagree that you should put a keystroke logger or something similar onto his computer. My DHs ex did that to catch him cheating and it is such an absolute breach of privacy and trust. Whatever you do, be sure you don’t throw away your integrity through all this. Be able to walk away from this being the bigger person, and don’t get dragged down. Can you imagine if he found out you did that and HADNT been cheating??
Tonight “Joe” and I made plans to each go out around the same time (not together) this evening. I am actually going to a friends place and he is headed to the gym and then out with buddies. Our plan is for Joe to come home and say he forgot his wallet after the gym before he goes out. This way it gives my BF and “Anna” some time to get settled and think we are not returning any time soon. Joe will be at the gym a good amount of time.
This is a very hard thing Joe and I are doing, but we want concrete evidence that something is happening. The helpful thing about our house is our parking is around back, and if you come in through the back door, whoever is in the living room really can’t hear you. Who knows, they could go out with one another and this could all be for nothing. Usually the 4 of us all go out together on weekends, or we split off into couples, this is pretty rare that everyone is separated. I know this is really devious and some of you may think it’s a little much, but if you do, I ask you to please not comment. I am having a hell of a time thinking the person I thought I was going to marry is at the very least having a flirtacious emotional affair with one of my good friends/roommate. Anyway, I will update in a few hours. Thanks to everyone who ahs been supportive and kind, it really does mean the world to me.
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