(Closed) BF is attracted to our roommate. I think. Please. Help.

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 196
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Oh my god. I would lose my shit if I found my boyfriend snuggling with somebody on the couch under a blanket. No, no, no. My advice is to quit playing detective games/driving yourself nuts with speculation and confront him about everything you’ve noticed. Especially the text.

Post # 197
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You need to have a long, detailed conversation with your boyfriend. Irrespective of whether they are/aren’t,  you should be able to talk to him about the hard stuff. That’s what makes relationships work in the long term, being prepared tohave a tough, awkward,  and above all honest conversation. About what you’ve seen, how you feel, and what that means.

I wish you all the best.

Post # 198
Member
1639 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Yeah, no, time to bounce. It’s not worth the agony at this point anymore. Something is probably going on. I wouldn’t sit next to my friend’s significant other. NOPE. I’d be done with that. I know you really do want to hope for the best, but it’s just..not worth it.

Post # 199
Member
13649 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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KatGrace130:  The wine glasses weren’t the only clue.  Anna being “extremely on edge and awkward” was suspicious all by itself.  Either Joe came close to walking in on something or Collin has already told Anna about your concerns and it is starting to dawn on her  that you and Joe have talked.

Post # 200
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

super sketch! I would trust your intuition. Being jumpy and then trying to overcompensate by running up to you is fishy. Also you should never be under a blanket with someone of the opposite sex and as for the texts even more fishy!!

Post # 201
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

.

Post # 202
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’ve gotten caught up on the entire thread. I can’t help but notice that the OP has said a couple of times that “Anna” is her “good friend”.

Darling, she is NOT your “good friend”. She is NO friend to you WHATSOEVER. A good friend RESPECTS BOUNDARIES and doesn’t COZY UP TO ANOTHER WOMAN’S MAN, ESPECIALLY THE MAN OF A GOOD FRIEND OF HERS. Please, STOP defending her. It sounds to me like “Anna” is one of those girls who will smile in your face and the second your back is turned will rob you.

She is NOT your friend. Your other male roommate, “Joe”, is more of a friend than this backstabbing you-know-what.

Post # 203
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee

I’ve been following this thread from the start and bein the other side of the pond see updates at random times but my gosh I felt such nerves reading that last update!! 

I honestly feel for you OP I’ve been cheated on and it’s the WORST feelin in the world. I hope you get the answers you need I would definitely have turned all CSI and been settin things up to catch them out. Ignore the negative comments this is your life and you gotta do what’s right for you 

 

I hope it’s all a big misunderstanding sending positive thoughts your way.  I hope if it is the worst case scenario you have a strong support system of friends and family as they were my sanity at times like these. 

Post # 204
Member
9831 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

I think there is a big difference between snuggling up with someone and sitting on opposite ends of a couch under the same blanket like OP’s BF and their roommate did but maybe that’s just me. But I still wouldn’t be ok with it, but I don’t consider it snuggling.

Post # 205
Member
616 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I was thinking next time you’re with your bf and Anna together, you should be really lovey dovey to him. See if he is standoffish and see how Anna reaction is. You should be able to feel the difference from your bf if he’s not being lovey dovey back and trying to hide it. 

Post # 206
Member
1632 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I have been following thisbthread for some time. I think once you ask Joe and Anna to leave your couple friendships will be over and maybe each of your romantic friendships will be over too. I say this because I believe skmething is going on. All of this suspicion you feel will permenanetly alter you in this relationahip. 

All of the behavior Collin and Anna exhibit is clearly inappropriate.  Can’t say for sure if they have had intercourse, butthey damn sure are being intimate with each other.

What I would do…is just share my thoughts and feelings from an “if you’re happy then I love you this much to go be happy with her.” Don’t give him a chance to respond right then and there. Let him collect his thoughts and think about what he values more- you or her & him. 

Have an a plan of what to do after this conversation for a good or bad outcome. Good outcome your bf picks you and now its time to heal- the other couple must move out, you and your bf or you alone seek counseling so this incident doesn’t loom over your relationship. Bad outcome all of the truth comes out and your bf & Anna confess they have been havingban affair and want to continue their romance…what then?

My real advice is have a plan for the next steps. Are you and Joe wanting the truth to separate the two and live happily ever after? Do you want to know ao you can move on with your own life? How long are you going to let this consume you especially if there really is nothing going on? Good luck!

Post # 207
Member
15203 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think this relationship is pretty much over, but I’d just set up a hidden cam or something, we have a hunting one that  just takes a picture every 5 seconds so that I know for sure and never regret and wonder. Either way, it’s done so it doesn’t matter at this point imo.  

Post # 208
Member
4430 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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pinkshoes:  you video record your SO? 

Post # 209
Member
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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KatGrace130:  ugh this is so frustrating that you don’t have ‘concrete’ evidence, but I do think you have enough to show what’s happening is annapropriate and both parties are aware of that.

I would totally stop with trying to ‘catch’ them and would have lost my shit at this point.  It’s going to drive you mad– causing you to ALWAYS be thinking too much into every situation (warranted or not), will give you insomnia, and cause so much stress and heartache in your life.

I don’t know what the best situation is, but maybe it’s best that you confront her as well. This is after all your house in which SHE IS A GUEST in.  And don’t be so nice. She, like your BF, is just going to brush it off and try to change the conversation.  I would also have another confrontation with your BF and tell him that enough is enough, that if he’s f’n around with Anna to come clean with the truth before you confront her and tell his good friend about everything youve been noticing that’s inappropriate (assuming that he doesn’t know you’ve been already talking to him).  Stop being so nice!!! He’s been a complete jerk.

Post # 210
Member
557 posts
Busy bee

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KatGrace130:  The fact of the matter is that regardless of what is going on you do not deserve to be living your life this way. This is insane!!!!!! You can’t spend the next day/month/year questioning what is going on, but I have a feeling that nothing short of walking in while they are having sex is going to convince you that something is definitely going on. 

I have one close male friend inparticular who I have been friends with much longer than I have known my SO. I would NEVER cuddle (whether your definition is sitting close or just sharing a blanket) with him with two glasses of wine. First of all I don’t want to because he is my friend and nothing more, but second of all I RESPECT my SO so much more than that. He had a girlfriend at one point who was insecure and did not want us hanging out outside of work anymore. He RESPECTED her and we did not hang out by ourselves for the entire length of the relationship (we did still go out as a group because we had many mutual friends and she was always invited). We still had a friendship, but it was one that his SO was comfortable with.

As others have said, regardless of if she was jerking him off under there or they were just hanging out, it is disrespectful to both you and Joe…and like I said- YOU deserve more than that. YOU deserve someone who is going to respect you and treat you right.

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