(Closed) BF is attracted to our roommate. I think. Please. Help.

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 45
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Very inappropriate.

Post # 46
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Intuition is a strong thing, and it shouldn’t be annoyed. I would be having a conversation with him about my concerns and trying to decide if he is being honest or deceiving. 

The deleted texts would bother me to no end, especially if he doesn’t usually delete his texts. The sharing of a blanket wouldn’t bother me, if they kept sitting there like it was completely innocent than it probably was. HOWEVER, he didn’t behave as if it was innocent, which means even if nothing innapropriate was happening, in his mind something innapropriate could happen between them or he wouldn’t act so guilty.

Post # 48
Member
2961 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

It really sounds fishy. Good luck talking to him! 

Post # 49
Member
3870 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I think before anything else happens you need to bring this up with him. If this was my Fiance, I would not have hesitated to bring up my concerns with him. I’m big on communication in a relationship. I trust women’s intuition above all else. You know your SO better than any of us and if you think something is going on, you need to act quickly. I’m probably going to get flak for this, but if I were in your shoes, I’d try and look through her phone, too, if I could. If you aren’t comfortable bringing it up yet, then do not allow situations where they can be alone. If they’re going for a bike ride, say you’ll go, too. If they’re heading to the market, you go to. I am the type of personality, though, that would have nipped that in the bud from the first instance. I let my Fiance know long ago what I consider cheating and if he crosses a line, he does not get a second chance. Have you and your SO discussed what you consider cheating? Little flirtations can snowball into something more extreme in a situation like this. All they need to do is be flirtin’ and drinkin’ and something bad can happen. 

I would bring this up to your SO ASAP. Good luck!

Post # 50
Member
7646 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I wouldn’t say he’s cheating (yet), but I definitely think he’s flirting with the fine line…talk to him and let us know how it goes!

Post # 51
Member
978 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I absolutely think there is something going on……under a blanket really>???

Post # 52
Member
1081 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

You are not crazy… I always say women have some amazing intuition; especially when it comes to rather or not her man is cheating… There is no negotiation here and I would cut it off fast. 

talk to him, let him know what you see and view.  Tell him the living arrangement is no longer working as this chick is making you feel uncomfortable. It’s either they move out or you move out.  I done that once (I don’ tusually do that but I trust my gut), I told my ex that can he stop treating his friend that well because she is making me very uncomfortable. He said no, I didn’t jump but I just calmly told him, well, then he can hang out with her all he wants, I’m quitting… it’s either me or her, period.  He then learned that I was serious and stay distant from that chick 

Post # 52
Member
1081 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

You are not crazy… I always say women have some amazing intuition; especially when it comes to rather or not her man is cheating… There is no negotiation here and I would cut it off fast. 

talk to him, let him know what you see and view.  Tell him the living arrangement is no longer working as this chick is making you feel uncomfortable. It’s either they move out or you move out.  I done that once (I don’ tusually do that but I trust my gut), I told my ex that can he stop treating his friend that well because she is making me very uncomfortable. He said no, I didn’t jump but I just calmly told him, well, then he can hang out with her all he wants, I’m quitting… it’s either me or her, period.  He then learned that I was serious and stay distant from that chick 

Post # 54
Member
747 posts
Busy bee

I wouldnt say that he’s necessarily cheating but something doesnt sit right with his behavior.  I dont know of any female my SO isnt related to that he could cuddle under a blanket with.  And it doesnt sound like these too are exactly childhood BFFs who tell each other everything.  There are different levels of friendship and everyone isnt your cuddle under a blanket kind of friend so just because they are friends doesnt make it ok.  And then the deleted texts while none others were deleted.  I dont know….check this out OP.

Post # 55
Member
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

KatGrace130:  you are not crazy! I would have done the same thing. 

Post # 56
Member
4430 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would definitely talk to him.  I’m pretty chill with many things but if these ever happened to me, I’d be calling it out without hesitation. 

I would also recommend you consider having them move out – you can check his tone and actions when you mention this and see how he reacts. 

Post # 57
Member
747 posts
Busy bee

I would have made it real awkward, real fast.  Like as soon as I walked in and saw it I would have said “why are yall sitting on the couch like that?”

Their reactions to being put on the spot would have told you all you needed to know

Post # 58
Member
3755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Trust your gut. It sounds like they are close to crossing a line if they already haven’t.

Post # 59
Member
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

Trust your gut on this one. I’d call him out on it. NOBODY should be under a blanket on a couch with him unless it’s YOU. That alone would make my blood boil and I’d def bring it up, and going to the store together too, not appropriate. I wouldn’t bring up the text until you’ve discussed the blanket and shopping thing, he seemed WAY too eager to go to a grocery store.

Also I’d tell him they need to move out, you don’t feel comfortable with them there and get her OUT of your house.

Post # 61
Member
9130 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

bride052013:  +1.  Same here.  You act sketchy as all fuck, you get spied on.  I’d be digging around in his email, phone, etc etc.  Sorry not sorry.  You want to have all the information available before confronting him.

Good luck OP, I’m sorry you’re in this position.

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