(Closed) BF is attracted to our roommate. I think. Please. Help.

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 60
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think his actions are a little shady. I know this wouldn’t be a popular opinion, but I would do a little more sleuthing. Sorry 🙁

Post # 62
Member
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

It sounds like something is def off… I would trust your gut on this, when the hairs on your neck stand up you need to step back and listen to your intuition. Even if you end up writing it off as being paranoid etc- I think its worth bringing it up to him and just see what he says. You should be able to tell right away from his reaction if he is lying to you. I would not be comfortable with my Fiance being under a blanket with another woman… I don’t care if they are “just friends”, draw a line.

Post # 63
Member
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

j_jaye:  

“How would you feel if the tables were turned? If you bf posted on the internet with conspiracy theories? Accusing you of things that you didn’t do especially when you have only done things that friends do. Seriously the women on this site never cease to amaze me. Everything you have written is easily explained and should not be causing red flags. Whatever happened to trust in relationships?”

Are you serious? Yeah babe, that lipstick on his collar was just from a secretary! She was having a bad day- it was a hug! Ignoring your natural intuition to be someones doormat? Barf. A naive and submissive attittude like that never ceases to amaze me.

Theyre not married- OP need to stand up for herself, get the bottom of is, and GTFO of that situation. Save her trust for a man not boinking or near-boinking the roomate.

 

 

 

Post # 64
Member
925 posts
Busy bee

The fact that he jumped up from the couch when they were sharing a blanket and tried to distract from it, was your first hint. He clearly knew it was inappropriate, or he would have stayed right where he was.

He goes on bike rides with her alone, and doesn’t seem to delete any text history except for the ones he exchanges with her. I would be very worried he is on his way to an affair. You need to talk to him and get to the bottom of this.

Post # 65
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’d certainly be talking to him about this. I wouldn’t want to come right out as accusatory because you do trust him on some level, but there are many little things that are adding up to make you suspicious and you have the right to question him at this point.

Why did he jump off the couch? If they were really just hanging out like roommates tend to do, he wouldn’t have moved.

I also don’t understand deleting texts. I’ve wiped an entire conversation with someone by accident, but never felt it necessary to pick and choose what to delete from what conversations.

Post # 66
Member
680 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Where there’s smoke there’s fire.

You are not overreacting.  If something isn’t already happening betwen them (and I’m not saying for sure there is), their actions are showing that there definitely is interest there.

I wouldn’t mention that you were looking at his texts but I would bring up the blanket on the couch thing.  Sorry, my Boyfriend or Best Friend should not be sharing a blanket with anyone but me.

Best of luck.  This doesn’t sound good.

Post # 67
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

 

Being under a blanket together would bother me more than deleted texts. That’s inappropriate. I would trust your gut on this one. You either need to talk to him about it now (don’t accuse yet but just tell him you’ve noticed these things and it is bothering you) or wait and see if you notice anything else that would prove your suspicions. I don’t like where this is headed though 🙁

Also keep in mind. These things may not mean they’ve done much but even if there is an attraction there – you need to find out and nip it in the bud!

Post # 68
Member
20 posts
Newbee

Sorry this is happening to you, good luck with your lunch conversation!

Post # 69
Member
1229 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Ugh, this is a sad post. I think you do know something is going on with them, that’s why you snooped and why your hairs stood up on the back of your neck. I know that sinking feeling you get in your stomach when you find out someone you trusted has been lying to you…

Just a few words of support: do NOT feel psycho for checking his phone. Psycho is checking your BF’s phone every night whether he has given you reason to think he’s cheating or not. SMART is checking your BF’s phone when he has given you two reasons to be suspicious!! You have every right to try to protect yourself, emotionally and physically!

I think you did the right thing in snooping and I absolutely would have done the same and felt NO guilt about it. Because is snooping wrong, yes, but so is cheating on your Girlfriend and lying about it!

Anyway, good luck. I can’t really see this ending well, it looks pretty bad. But if you decide to stay with him, if I were you I would require him to be the one to ask his friend and Girlfriend to move out, WITH an explanation why, and I would also require his absolute agreement to allowing me to check his phone and email anytime I wanted until I felt the trust had been rebuilt.

Post # 70
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I really feel a pit in my stomach for you girl. I think a woman’s intuition is usually right. Our guys fall for us with googly eyes and smiles and cute texts and blankets over each other and now he is doing that with another woman who LIVES with you guys. Ew. I don’t blame you one bit for snooping and I think addressing your gut feelings with him is imperative. Don’t bring up the text snooping unless things get shady and he is not going to open up to you. Good luck!

Post # 71
Member
2863 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’d snoop some more and then talk to him. I don’t care if that’s not the “right” thing to do or not, I’d do it. Trust your gut. 

Post # 72
Member
773 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle

To be honest, I think the best thing you can do in the situation is to remove the temptation. It might be that nothing is going on but it sounds like they get along a bit too well. I think Friend and FGF have to move out ASAP! 

Post # 73
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

KatGrace130:  MY INSTINCT told me something was very wrong here and that your gut instinct is right.

The strange behavior with the blanket and his coming home early should’ve been a sign to mention. Next time remember to throw in there “what, couldn’t find another blanket?”  BOTH should know that it made you uncomfortable. She is after all living in YOUR house. 

If he’s only been deleting HER texts, something is up and wrong. Don’t feel bad for snooping at this point, the trust was already weakening. 

PLEASE, don’t let him off the hook very easily. If you confront his actions, he may be very defensive.  Stick to your ground and tell him how uneasy, sad, and anxious this whole situation has made you.  Tell him that whether or not he is going to admit being in the wrong, YOU hurt regardlessly.  And something needs to be done to remedy that situation.  Perhaps the best thing to do is either move on with your lives, and ask them to move out.   I don’t see this sketchy behavior stopping if she continues to live in the house. 

Don’t be unhappy because of someone else, you have to take control of your own life and if you “feel crazy” all the time, that’s a horrible feeling and you shoulnd’t have to feel that way when all you desire and deserve is love.

Post # 74
Member
707 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2004

I agree, I think something is up. I would not be cool with my man sharing a blanket with another girl and the fact that he jumped up when you got home, he even knew it wasn’t right. Ugh. I’m sorry you’re going through this

 

Post # 75
Member
679 posts
Busy bee

MrsBuesleBee:  +100. boinking LOL haven’t heard that one in a while. 

Seriously tho, wtf is up w/ this? This isn’t a male/female friends issue. This is a inappropriate behavior issue. I know plenty of pple who have opposite sex friendships but they aren’t sharing blankets, that’s for damn sure. Trustworthy pple know where the line is and they don’t tiptoe around it. 

A roommate of mine was what I like to call “blissfully blind.” So many warning signs just like this w a bf she had. He was tooooo comfortable w other women–especially this one. She got suspicious, but ignored it out of blind trust. Let’s just say the end of that relationship wasn’t pretty…adult chat rooms anyone? He had several accounts that she discovered. That was finally the last straw, but at that point his audacity to disrespect their relationship was beyond ridiculous. 

OP, flat out ask him if he thinks his behavior w/ this roommate is appropriate. Then go from there. 

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