(Closed) BF is attracted to our roommate. I think. Please. Help.

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 76
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I would not be okay with this. My ex was an alcoholic who would hide it and lie about everything in a misguided attempt to not hurt me. My intution told me every single time when I was being lied to or mislead. Even in the early stages of my relationship with DH he lied once and I just knew.

I’m definately not saying that it would be a good idea to go at him with a torch blazing, but letting him know how his behavior made you feel, regardless of his intent is a good way to start. Gauging his reaction to you bring it up will also be helpful. I can pick a liar out as soon as they open their mouths now so I hope you can detect if he is being honest to you!

Post # 77
Member
1263 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
KatGrace130:  Hmmm… I think deleted text conversations are always rather suspect. I’d talk to him, or at least start really keeping an eye out.

Post # 78
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I think the fact that your intuition is making you scared to talk to him about this means a lot. If my DH/BF/FI/man was a little too friendly with a lady, I wouldn’t be all OMG YOU’RE CHEATING, but I’d say something and quick.

“Hey, it makes me sort of uncomfortable when lady and you share a blanket or when she’s near you and wears really short skirts. I don’t know if she’s into you or what, but it’s kind of disrespectful to our relationship. What do you think? Can we maybe not have her as cozy with you? Thanks.”

You don’t have to accuse him of cheating or wanting to cheat, even just saying “I noticed she’s acting kind of weird around you, have you noticed?” gets the conversation started. If anything, talking about it will allow you to see his expression and you can see if he’s lying to you.

Good luck!

Post # 80
Member
9834 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

It definitely sounds like something weird is going on based on your update, whether they’re cheating or not, so sorry OP!

Post # 81
Member
616 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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KatGrace130:  I’m sorry you’re going through this. I know the feeling and it does tend to make you feel a little psychotic. But when you have a gut feeling, go with it. Everything you mention is signs of them being inappropriate with each other. And for her Boyfriend or Best Friend to be in the same position you’re in too. That says a lot. I’m not the jealous type or snooping type, but my ex of 8 yrs started showing signs of cheating. I didn’t have solid proof and he also had deleted messages but very few questionable txt messages to a certain co-worker. But for this to be happening in your own home, right underneath yours and her bf’s nose. So wrong! 

Just try to keep sane and calm. Lol. I know how frustrating and nerve racking your mind can get when you don’t know the truth but have that strong gut feeling something’s wrong. But you need to get to the bottom of it now before this goes any further and you invest anymore time in this relationship. 

Good luck to you and don’t make yourself crazy over this. Lol 

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by  .
Post # 82
Member
9576 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

wow. Honestly it doesnt matter  at this point- theyre lying to hang out together right under your nose. Thats bad enough to bail. OP I commend you for not burning the house down in a dramatic rage yet.  

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by  MrsBuesleBee.
Post # 83
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - The Crystal Ballroom at The Rice Hotel

Commenting to follow.

I am sorry about your Boyfriend or Best Friend, but do think you went about it the right way.

Trust your instinct!

Post # 85
Member
1827 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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KatGrace130:  hmm, op. i wasn’t completely convinced that weird stuff was happening from your original post. i kind of just thought it was awkward situations. and general stupidity regarding physical boundaries.

but the story you just posted about what your other roommate said absolutely raises red flags. that is shady and i believe you have every right to question both of them about their actions. good luck.

Post # 84
Member
2729 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Commenting to follow.

Post # 86
Member
616 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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MrsBuesleBee:  “…for not burning the house down in a dramatic rage yet.” 

Lol!!! I would be the type to have those thoughts in my head. Haha 

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by  .
Post # 87
Member
1938 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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KatGrace130:  I feel like if the GUY is suspicious too, plus YOU have a gut instinct… you guys are right on the money. This is not good. 🙁 I am so sorry. 

Post # 88
Member
679 posts
Busy bee

Ugh, these two. no words…it’s one thing to be flirtatious w/ another person. It’s another to be flirtatious w/ someone who lives in your house. Both are bad but the one just feels a little bit worse than the other. <br /><br />Sorry, OP. Thank goodness you found this out now as opposed to much, much later. 

Post # 89
Member
1348 posts
Bumble bee

Gosh, they’re definitely crossing some lines. At least her Boyfriend or Best Friend has the same suspiscions as you.

Post # 90
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I am not a jealous person, and my fiancé and I have friends of both genders – but the smiley, flirty, wanting to be alone together stuff would not be ok with me. Agree that some sort of inappropriate flirtation is going on and you need to dig deeper to see if it’s gone past that. Hopefully it’s just that – a mutual crush – and can be resolved by them moving out and getting some distance. 

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