(Closed) BF is attracted to our roommate. I think. Please. Help.

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 92
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Girl, if your instincts tell you something is up, you are probably right. And it seems to me they are just a little too chummy for roommates. I would put an end to those shenanigans right quick or kick his butt to the curb!

Post # 91
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Let us know how it goes. Hope it all turns out ok

Post # 93
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

View original reply
KatGrace130: What are you waiting for? Let your boyfriend know in no uncertain terms that he has crossed the line (finding them sharing a blanket on the couch would have done it for me), and tell your roommates it’s time to get their own place. 

Post # 94
Member
9086 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

 

Sunfire:  I never said she should trust blindly but the OP clearly does not trust her partner at all. She jumped from thinking something was off to checking his phone and contemplating following him? That is not normal behaviour.

Post # 95
Member
9086 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

 

MrsBuesleBee:  This wasn’t lipstick though. The things the OP listed are quite innocent. ANd as I said in another post it is one thing to jump from thinking somehting isn;t an appropraite boundary (the couch thing) to contemplating stalking them on a bike ride.

Post # 96
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think that he may be up to something, but also, men can be pretty naive sometimes. If you truly know him, and you know this is VERY unusual for him, maybe it’s just him planning something for you that he doesn’t want you to know about, and getting her input. It’s a possibility! Fiance had a female friend for years before he knew me, and he never had a romantic relationship with her, yet they sent winks to each other and when I saw that I went off the deep end. He is the kind of person who will pick up the way the person he is talking to speaks, and because she just sent winks as her way of smiley faces, he did it as well. I found out later winks were normal for her, after I talked to her long enough and took the time to look at comments on facebook she posted and such. But Fiance was totally naive and had no idea that I could misunderstand it. I nearly ruined my relationship because I overreacted over something small that turned out to be innocent. And yes, he let me read all his facebook messages between her and him, and none were deleted. I even got to read the conversations between them of when he first met me and was crazy about me. (: That was pretty awesome I must say. (: If he is being honest and there’s nothing going on, he should have no problem letting you look at his messages with his permission. But, I do recommend making sure that he doesn’t quickly delete anything that might have been there. Like, for instance, walk up to him randomly and say, “Can I just check something on your phone?” And then look. If he is reluctant to give it to you immediately, then he most likely is hiding something. Do this a few times randomly even if he allows you to see his phone. That way there’s less of a chance that he’s newly deleted something. This is your relationship. I don’t feel it’s wrong to look into something further. Good luck! (:

Post # 98
Member
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I hope the two of you are just reading into things! The fact that both of you had suspicions says something though:(

Post # 99
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I don’t really blame you this all sounds very fishy to me tbh, keep us posted! The blanket thing really bugged me and the story BF’s friend told you…

Post # 100
Member
1186 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
KatGrace130:  I am freaking out for you. Please let me know what happens! Something weird is going on here.

Post # 101
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Oh god, the fact the Boyfriend or Best Friend is on the same page, totally freaks me out. UGH. I really hope it’s nothing and you’re both just being crazy, but I would be snooping my ass off, and I would NOT care if he caught me right in the act, after the story about him LYING about hanging out with you. 

Post # 102
Member
1105 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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KatGrace130:  I think youre being extremely level headed about the whole thing. It definitely does sound like somethings up. Your bfs friend and you could confront them together, its a lot harder to deny to two people who are seeing things than blow off one. 

Post # 103
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Fiance thinks its fishy too. We were both cheated on in our previous marriages, so we know that feeling all too well. 🙁

Post # 104
Member
5870 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

View original reply
j_jaye:  You are willfully ignoring the context.  It wasn’t just that they were sharing a blanket, it’s that he seemed guilty as f**k about it.  It wasn’t just that they do things together, it’s that he acts fishy about it.  I think she was right to look in his phone and I think that what she found was alarming, given that she already had a bad feeling.  

Your assertion that this is all in her head has also been pretty soundly proven wrong.   The OP and the male roommate – the two people closest to the situation – both have serious suspicions.  She would be dillusional to ignore this.  

It’s fine if you are comfortable with your SO engaging in this type of behavior, but to disparage all of the women on this board as jealous and insecure is rediculous and insulting. Maybe it’s you, not everyone else.

Post # 105
Member
9086 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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cbgg:  we are only getting one side of the story here. And since the OP doesn’t trust her bf by her own admission means that anything she says has that bias on it. 

My earlier comments were about how bees always just jump on the male in the situation and never consider the true facts that we are only hearing one side. I mean bees have said in this thread that they know he is guilty. What a load of bs. They know nothing only what the OP has said. There are always three sides to a story….your side, their side and the truth. 

I stand by what I said in my original post. The OP should leave her partner because she doesn’t trust him. Even after straight up asking him she still doesn’t trust him and is not convinced of him telling the truth. She will continue to doubt him helped no end by the women in this thread saying that their “intuition” is saying he cheated even though they have never met these people. They are just going off their own bias. 

Encouraging a grown woman to stalk and spy on someone when the relationship is already broken is just mean. It is like some women feed off the drama and emotion and grief that the other woman is going through. At this stage it doesn’t matter if he did or didn’t do anything, the OP doesn’t trust him and it would be better for the both of them if she ended it. 

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