(Closed) BF is attracted to our roommate. I think. Please. Help.

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 120
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I don’t know why more investigation is needed.  The friend and his girlfriend need to move out because it’s making the OP feel uncomfortable.  End of story.  If OP’s boyfriend won’t respect that, he’s not husband material and she needs to move on.  This isn’t an isolated incident, it sets a precendent for all future friendships.  Casual friendships should never take precedence over making your partner feel secure and loved.  If Boyfriend or Best Friend can’t make that sacrifice now, then the relationship is already over.     

Post # 122
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

View original reply
KatGrace130:  Um, so I’m sure you’ve read enough responses, but here’s one more.  The other couple needs to move out or you need to.  Even if they are not cheating, the bottomline is that both you and the other girl’s Boyfriend or Best Friend are not comfortable with your SO’ses behavior.  What they are doing is not within normal bounds of social interaction and behavior with people they aren’t interested in.  It’s time for someone to move on.  Is that the other couple or you?

Post # 123
Member
1377 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Wow, this thread is blowing up a bit.

 

I think his behavior from your original post warranted some questioning. I don’t care if blankets are shared personally, but to jump up and act overt like he did? That shows he feels that his behavior was inappropriate. Suddenly needing to go to the grocery store with the girl? Well, alright, but coupled with the weird blanket thing that’s also just strange. 

I don’t know if I would have snooped. I’m just not that kind of person. I can’t say either way if it was inappropriate or appropriate of you – I don’t know the whole situation or either of you. 

With your update, my first thought was ‘aw hell naw’. With her Boyfriend or Best Friend being suspicious those two are just nailing their coffins shut, especially with the whole potential lying about where they’re going deal. 

 

I’d agree with PPs that the living situation needs to be changed. The two couples need to be separated, and there should be a group discussion on what’s going on. 

 

Sorry that you’re going through this, OP! 🙁 I can’t imagine the level of worry you’re at right now!

Post # 124
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

The thing with cheaters (or soon-to-be cheaters) is they will usually say and do anything to not get caught, including making their SO feel and seem crazy, when in reality, they have a right to feel suspicious. <br />I agree with some PPs that all these things don’t necessarily mean he’s cheating but I think it deserves a closer look. Don’t be accusing but don’t be a fool. I hope there is nothing going on between them but I think OP has reason to believe there COULD be.

Post # 125
Member
1643 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

View original reply
KatGrace130:  reading this made the hairs stand up on the back of MY neck! Sure you can’t tell from these instances if he’s cheating. But the examples you gave are suspicious. And I wouldn’t like if my SO was like this with another person. Let us know how the talk goes?

Post # 126
Member
2417 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Like a lot of PP have said, I think it is time for the friend and his girlfriend to move out. I think them sharing a blanket is a little suspicious and the fact that both you and the friend are seeing flirty behavior that makes both of you uncomfortable, I think it would be best for everyone. 90% of the time, your gut instinct is right. I would sit your boyfriend down again and tell him why the behavior between him and this other girl makes you uncomfortable and how you would appreciate it not happening anymore.

Post # 127
Member
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Well, OP, do you have any attraction whatsoever to the friend/your male roommate? Because looks like your bf and the girl have already caused enough discomfort for both you and the friend…so a happy ending idea would be to maybe let your boyfriend and this girl continue on in a relatioship, and then you can have a happily ever after with the friend?

jk.

 

I don’t really have anything to add, just that it sounds like you are handling this in a very mature way and i am very sorry you are in this situation. idk if removing the girl would “fix” it, because the issue if he is cheating would be his heart, not the girl….idk if that makes any sense..

Post # 128
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Hope you are ok OP. I cant say much as other posters have said most of what id have written.I do wanna add though,that removing this girl from your house is not going to magically solve a roving eye/crush/affair, (whatever it is,if anything) it just nips it in the bud for now. Between you and the other guy you really should get to the bottom of it or you will never know what really happened and therefore will find it harder to move past

Post # 129
Member
13363 posts
Honey Beekeeper

One thing that no one’s even mentioned are all the long, solo bike expeditions, sometimes more than once a week. 

Any one of the items that OP mentions can be explained or rationalized, but all of them combined seems to be giving plenty of  reason for legitimate concern.  Even if it turns out that you are dealing with nothing more than a friendship that’s gotten way  too close for your comfort,  you get to say that you are not OK with some of the things that have been going on. 

My one issue  is whether or not it was wise to confide in “Joe”  now that he says he is going to confront “Anna.”  There is a good chance that he will spill the details of your meeting to her in the course of the discussion and that it will inevitably get back to Collin.  This whole thing could now potentially snowball quickly and get entirely out of your control.  

Post # 130
Member
1341 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

View original reply
KatGrace130:  Any updates?  I’m so sorry this is happening to you, regardless of what it is!

Post # 131
Member
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Can I just say that a 2-on-2 confrontation, as some bees have suggested, is a really bad idea, in my opinion. The only outcome I can see is it ruining the dymanics of both relationships, by creating an “us” (you and the other guy) against “them” (bf and the girl). I assume you want to preserve your relationship with your bf. That means you confront him alone, and work this out as a team.

 

Post # 132
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I was thinking your meeting “Joe” could now be used as a counter attack if found out. Such as your saying, “well you go bike riding together all the time and do things together without us.”  Then their response could be, “Well, you met without us as well.” I don’t know. This sitch isn’t going to improve for a while I don’t think.

Post # 133
Member
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

View original reply
KatGrace130:  Thanks for updating us bee, we are all hoping for the best and for the truth to ease your mind.  It seems that regardless if they are ‘cheating’ or not, they are close enough that they definitely will be swapping stories about your personal confrontations… which is crappy if it happens…disrespectful to your relationship and the supposed privacy and trust you’re entitled to. 

After her Boyfriend or Best Friend has a talk with her, the cat if officially out of the bag and everyone will be aware of the discomfort their relationship is causing.  Did her Boyfriend or Best Friend seem like he was ready to move out of the house due to this??? It obviously must be stressful for him as well. 

Post # 134
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

You all need to sit down together around the dinner table or something and talk this out. Clear the air entirely. You and Joe have plenty of reason to be concerned, but worrying yourselves isn’t going to solve anything, the only thing that will is you talking to your Boyfriend or Best Friend, and him talking to his Girlfriend. I feel like Collin is trying to gas light you(maybe a bit extreme, but hear me out) by making you doubt yourself. Have everyone there so he can be called out on his bullshit.

This isn’t some bad romantic comedy. Joe and you are NOT a team, you are two separate relationships going through the same thing. Let him handle his and you handle yours. I think being there at the same time would help you each get your answers, though. There needs to be some damned honesty in that house.

No matter what happens, Joe and Anna need to find their own place. This isn’t helping your relationship, it’s damaging it.

Post # 135
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think your BF’s friend should tell his Girlfriend he wants to move out.

They have to move out. To save both relationships.

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