Post # 1
I’m (29) an international student living in the US and will be graduating this year. I will have 1 year work permit, but I have to leave. I have a boyfriend (33) of 2.5 years who has a job offer in another state and wants me to move with him upon graduation.
Since I have friends where I live right now and a job til the end of the summer, I don’t want to move to another state unless I’m engaged. Even though my boyfriend felt being pressured, he told me he would propose to me before we move.
But after a recent fight (I don’t want to go to deep into details), he changed his mind about proposing me. He felt he was being pressured into marrying me because of my visa status. He said he loved me very much, but he was not happy in the relationship and wasn’t sure if he wanted to marry me or propose to me anytime soon. But he still wanted to give this relationship another try, see what it is like to live together (we never live together before). In the mean time, he would help me to make the papers ready for green card. He would still propose to me when he feels right. Right now, he doesn’t feel like doing it. I asked him why he changed the plan, because what I said. I said just move without me. He felt hurt. (The reason why I said he could move without me, because I thought that he will see what it’s like to live together first and then marry legally. I felt like he was testing the water. Hope it makes sense)
My bf was once married for papers which I didn’t know about until 6 month into dating. He didn’t want to get married at all if he could choose.
Although our relationship is not perfect, we get along well, make each other laugh, and support each other. I love him. But this arrangement is not what I expect to be in. What I want was a genuine proposal from a guy I love, a guy who can’t wait to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me. My boyfriend also wants to write a prenup which I don’t really want to do.
I am excited to move across the US and live with him. There will be a lot of jobs there, and I will have no problem finding a job within 1 month or 2. He said he would support me financially until I found a job. I guess I’m confused and very disappointed right now…
Post # 2
Yikes, this doesn’t sound good at all! It sounds like he’d rather be dating anybody than be single, but you deserve someone who would rather be dating YOU than anybody else in the world. I don’t think this is a good relationship, and you might need to think long and hard about whether you’re better off without him. Moving to a new state to be with someone is a huge commitment, and it doesn’t sound like he’s asking you to come along for the right reasons.
Post # 3
He felt he was being pressured into marrying me because of my visa status. He said he loved me very much, but he was not happy in the relationship and wasn’t sure if he wanted to marry me or propose to me anytime soon
you said yourself he is not happy and would only marry you for papers. that doesn’t sound like the kind of relationship i would want to be in. don’t stay because it is comfortable. you will only hurt each other on the long run.
Post # 4
It just sounds like he wants to wait to see if this realtionship is right for you two. I think all the things he is requesting sounds pretty normal. He doesn’t sound confident about marriage, but he does seem to care a lot about you and would like to live with you to see how things go. At least he is being very open about how he feels? I dk I could be very wrong but this is written so flippy floppy
Post # 5
I think that anyone who agrees to not one but two green card marriages has some issues.
Post # 6
Honestly I think this is pretty cut and dry. He SAID he is questioning the relationship and that he was unhappy in the relationship. That should tell you all you need to know. Sure he is willing to give it another try but I seriously doubt that he will suddenly change his mind and realize that he wants to marry you. You say you don’t want to move without an engagement….so don’t. It sounds like HE wants you to move with him but YOU don’t. If you genuinely want to move across the country for him with no solid commitment and no ring on your finger by all means do that. However if you DON’T want to do that and are searching for a commitment from him, you will not find it with this guy.
Post # 7
Don’t do it! My Fiance and I were in a similar position (had to marry in order to continue living together, or separate) but our relationship was rock solid. We were not ready to get married yet either but no one had said they weren’t happy in the relationship! This sounds like a potentially heart breaking situation for you down the road. He feels like he is being put into a corner and it sounds like he will hold that against you later on. No no no! It is hard enough to be forced into a legal marriage before the timing is right when things are going perfectly, don’t do it if he is saying he isn’t happy now! For your own sake!
Post # 8
“He said he loved me very much, but he was not happy in the relationship”
Living together is not going to make your situation some how better. If anything, its goiing to make it worse. Don’t move across the country and marry someone who really isn’t even sure he wants to be with you at all.
Post # 9
This may not be what you are looking for advise-wise, but I think it’s important that you carefully consider some things aside from just the feelings involved here.
I work with immigration law in the US, and we have had to fire a few clients in the process because of investigations initiated due to fraud by USCIS. We found out that they had been under surveillance and they were doing the process for the papers only. Immigration has a surprising way of knowing when people are being legit and when they are not. Even before you go for an interview, they could be researching your relationship, and then confront you at interview time or before. Especially, if your bf has done this before for papers, the radars will immediately go off at the USCIS office when you submit your petition, and they will be watching to make sure that this time things are legit.
Considering this, you need to make sure that whatever you do, you two are doing it because you honestly love each other and want to make this relationship happen. It sounds to me that although he cares about you, he might feel in some way responsible for making sure you stay here. Eventually, he may stay in the relationship for that purpose, and not because he legitimately loves you, which I am sure you will not want. So make sure you make decisions carefully, and consider what will happen in the future not just for the two of you, but mainly for you if this doesn’t work out. Good luck.
Post # 11
A. He said he is not happy with you and B. He is suggesting immigration fraud, which he has already done once before.
This is not going to end well. Get out now.
Post # 12
User alert. He’s just staying with you for the green card. As soon as he gets permanent resident or citizen status, he’ll be gone. Unfortunately, I know people this has happened to in the past (they weren’t complicit, thought it was a legitimate marriage done out of love) and I wouldn’t even think about marrying him or even staying in the relationship after what he suggested if I were you.
ETA: I reread your post and it seems like you are the one who needs the immigration papers, not him. I still wouldn’t do it. Once you marry him, he can totally control you until you get your immigration status settled. Don’t do it, he sounds like a sketchball, especially with the multiple fake marriages…wtf.
Post # 13
I think you misunderstood bee. She is the one with the temp immigration status. Not him.
Post # 14
I don’t think you understood my thread.
Post # 15
Yes, I reread it and edited my response. Like I said, I still wouldn’t do this, it’s illegal and not a good idea for other reasons as well.