(Closed) BF is not sure about proposing to me, but will marry me for papers

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
422 posts
Helper bee

Yikes, this doesn’t sound good at all! It sounds like he’d rather be dating anybody than be single, but you deserve someone who would rather be dating YOU than anybody else in the world. I don’t think this is a good relationship, and you might need to think long and hard about whether you’re better off without him. Moving to a new state to be with someone is a huge commitment, and it doesn’t sound like he’s asking you to come along for the right reasons.

Post # 3
Member
9478 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

 

He felt he was being pressured into marrying me because of my visa status. He said he loved me very much, but he was not happy in the relationship and wasn’t sure if he wanted to marry me or propose to me anytime soon

you said yourself he is not happy and would only marry you for papers.  that doesn’t sound like the kind of relationship i would want to be in.  don’t stay because it is comfortable.  you will only hurt each other on the long run. 

 

 

Post # 4
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
kimkimkim20:  It just sounds like he wants to wait to see if this realtionship is right for you two. I think all the things he is requesting sounds pretty normal. He doesn’t sound confident about marriage, but he does seem to care a lot about you and would like to live with you to see how things go. At least he is being very open about how he feels? I dk I could be very wrong but this is written so flippy floppy

Post # 5
Member
1299 posts
Bumble bee

I think that anyone who agrees to not one but two green card marriages has some issues. 

Post # 6
Member
4242 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Honestly I think this is pretty cut and dry.  He SAID he is questioning the relationship and that he was unhappy in the relationship.  That should tell you all you need to know.  Sure he is willing to give it another try but I seriously doubt that he will suddenly change his mind and realize that he wants to marry you.  You say you don’t want to move without an engagement….so don’t.  It sounds like HE wants you to move with him but YOU don’t.  If you genuinely want to move across the country for him with no solid commitment and no ring on your finger by all means do that.  However if you DON’T want to do that and are searching for a commitment from him, you will not find it with this guy.

Post # 7
Member
999 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Don’t do it!  My Fiance and I were in a similar position (had to marry in order to continue living together,  or separate) but our relationship was rock solid. We were not ready to get married yet either but no one had said they weren’t happy in the relationship!  This sounds like a potentially heart breaking situation for you down the road. He feels like he is being put into a corner and it sounds like he will hold that against you later on.  No no no!  It is hard enough to be forced into a legal marriage before the timing is right when things are going perfectly,  don’t do it if he is saying he isn’t happy now! For your own sake! 

Post # 8
Member
10545 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

“He said he loved me very much, but he was not happy in the relationship”

Living together is not going to make your situation some how better. If anything, its goiing to make it worse. Don’t move across the country and marry someone who really isn’t even sure he wants to be with you at all.

Post # 9
Member
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

This may not be what you are looking for advise-wise, but I think it’s important that you carefully consider some things aside from just the feelings involved here.

I work with immigration law in the US, and we have had to fire a few clients in the process because of investigations initiated due to fraud by USCIS. We found out that they had been under surveillance and they were doing the process for the papers only. Immigration has a surprising way of knowing when people are being legit and when they are not. Even before you go for an interview, they could be researching your relationship, and then confront you at interview time or before. Especially, if your bf has done this before for papers, the radars will immediately go off at the USCIS office when you submit your petition, and they will be watching to make sure that this time things are legit.

Considering this, you need to make sure that whatever you do, you two are doing it because you honestly love each other and want to make this relationship happen. It sounds to me that although he cares about you, he might feel in some way responsible for making sure you stay here. Eventually, he may stay in the relationship for that purpose, and not because he legitimately loves you, which I am sure you will not want. So make sure you make decisions carefully, and consider what will happen in the future not just for the two of you, but mainly for you if this doesn’t work out. Good luck.

Post # 11
Member
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

A. He said he is not happy with you and B. He is suggesting immigration fraud, which he has already done once before.

This is not going to end well.  Get out now.

Post # 12
Member
3610 posts
Sugar bee

User alert. He’s just staying with you for the green card. As soon as he gets permanent resident or citizen status, he’ll be gone. Unfortunately, I know people this has happened to in the past (they weren’t complicit, thought it was a legitimate marriage done out of love) and I wouldn’t even think about marrying him or even staying in the relationship after what he suggested if I were you.

ETA: I reread your post and it seems like you are the one who needs the immigration papers, not him. I still wouldn’t do it. Once you marry him, he can totally control you until you get your immigration status settled. Don’t do it, he sounds like a sketchball, especially with the multiple fake marriages…wtf.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by  FantasticFawn.
Post # 13
Member
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

View original reply
FantasticFawn:  I think you misunderstood bee. She is the one with the temp immigration status. Not him.

Post # 15
Member
3610 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
kimkimkim20:  Yes, I reread it and edited my response. Like I said, I still wouldn’t do this, it’s illegal and not a good idea for other reasons as well.

The topic ‘BF is not sure about proposing to me, but will marry me for papers’ is closed to new replies.

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