(Closed) BF is not sure about proposing to me, but will marry me for papers

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
1082 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Ugh. Don’t get married for a green card. It’s not right on so many levels. You’re trying to convince yourself that you’re both in love and ready, and that he’s going to propose (hes clearly not ready and has anther green card marriage under his belt, red flag!) when really you’re just concerned about the papers and that great job across the country. 

Post # 18
73 posts
Worker bee

you guys need to be very careful! I don’t have any opinion on green card marriages because I don’t believe it’s anyone’s business to judge others but the process for a green card marriage is kinda tough. You have to go through interviews to determine if your marriage is bona finde and him being married before and going through this process with someone else and now with you may set off red flags. If you guys were found guilty of green card fraud then you would be deported and he would probably go to jail. please be careful and think everything through before you do it! perhaps you can go for graduate school or find a job that can give you a green card! one of my family friends is an international student who got a green card via his job. best of luck and please be careful!

Post # 19
697 posts
Busy bee

FantasticFawn:  +1 on this:

ETA: I reread your post and it seems like you are the one who needs the immigration papers, not him. I still wouldn’t do it. Once you marry him, he can totally control you until you get your immigration status settled. Don’t do it, he sounds like a sketchball, especially with the multiple fake marriages…wtf.

I agree the multiple fake marriages is a huge red flag! My SO and I are in a situation where he needs papers to move here or me move there (we are in a LDR) however we would never get married solely for that purpose. Hence, why we are working on getting a ring for me now, even when we are apart, and then still figuring out immigration stuff together.

I’m not sure what your bf’s brand of sketchy is OP, but it’s definitely super sketchy and I do not like it or think you should move in with him.

Post # 20
557 posts
Busy bee

Don’t do it. I was in a very similar situation and it didn’t turn out well for me. I married my ex for the papers (I was the one needing them) and he told me before AND after that he will still buy me a ring and propose and we’ll have a wedding. What happened? He bought the ring, then he suddenly decided that he finds proposals ridiculous, that he doesn’t want a wedding and that he actually doesn’t want to get married at all. He didn’t even admit that legally, we’re already married, he kept insisting that this is not a real marriage because we never had a wedding. Huge deal breaker, and as you can imagine, I wasn’t happy and regretted that I married him in the first place. Fast forward to now, we signed the annulment papers and we aren’t together anymore.

Not saying that the same will happen to you, but it doesn’t sound very promising. I wouldn’t risk it. I hope you don’t have to go through the same as I did.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by  dalia88.
Post # 21
3611 posts
Sugar bee

starkravingbride:  Right…once I reread her post, that part jumped out at me. Why is he so invested in “helping” multiple women he doesn’t actually want to spend his life with obtain legal status at significant risk to himself? I wonder if he might exploit OP in some way after the marriage. Sure, it probably sounds ridiculous to her now, but I’ve seen someone completely fake a relationship and marriage with an ulterior motive (the green card marriage I was referring to in my earlier post), so it wouldn’t shock me.

Post # 22
697 posts
Busy bee

FantasticFawn:  To me, I wonder if he’s just some special kind of emotionally abusive asshole. I mean I don’t know that for sure but what my gut is telling me is I feel like he sounds like the type who once they’re married and she’s obtaining legal status he’d pull the “well all I have to do is leave you and say I never wanted to get married in the first place card” to get his way with everything, even to the point of if she wanted to leave him.

I was in an abusive relatioship a long time ago, and my bestie is just getting out of one now, I know the signs. And though I don’t know for sure if he is or not, this shady shit he’s pulling sounds like he has major potential to be abusive.

Post # 23
3540 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

Do not move with him, even if he proposes. I could see him never committing to an actual wedding. 

Post # 24
5878 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

kimkimkim20:  “What I want was a genuine proposal from a guy I love, a guy who can’t wait to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me”

Yeah, hold out for it.  Don’t marry this guy because you want to move citities or want your visa process to be easier.  You’re worth more than that.

First of all, if you are on an F1 with an OPT you can get a job and then get sponsorship to stay in the US on your own.  You don’t need to marry this guy to do it. 

I moved to the USA on a marriage based greencard, so I get that there is legal pressure that makes you consider getting married before you are ready.  It’s not worth it though. 

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