(Closed) BF is still nagging me about living together!

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1585 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I really think that living together is a wonderful thing before getting married.  That way you can find out any little quirks that the other person may have.  I seriously believe that living together makes or breaks a relationship.  Maybe he wants to make sure you can live together before asking you to get married.

Post # 4
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

I think you’re right but also, he should want to propose to you.  I think it’s just a matter of time, since he put a time on when he could propose…I wouldn’t move in with him, unless their are other reasons for it–finances.

Post # 5
Member
2008 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

That’s definitely not what I would do…  Then again, I think we have very fundamental differences since I had no problem living together before we were engaged, or even super serious.  I also couldn’t fathom putting a time limit on something like that.  For me, being with the person I want to spend the rest of my life with would be more important than having a ring on my finger.  But to each their own. 

Post # 7
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree with you VikingPrincess – I am 33 and did not move in with my Boyfriend or Best Friend of 3 years until he proposed.  To each her own, but I felt it was important to be engaged before moving in together…

 

Post # 8
Hostess
18644 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Maybe he wants to propose but feel like there is pressure on him to propose and get engaged?  Usually when you put pressure on a guy, they will shrink away from it.  If you go on with your life and pretend that you are indifferent, they will probably chase you because they don’t want to lose you.  I’m not saying that you stop talking to him or anything but just keep doing what you want to do and don’t bend over backward to just do only what he wants at the expense of yourself.

Post # 9
Member
2859 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden

So he said it would take two months after you were living together for him to propose? Maybe it’s a financial thing. Maybe if you two are splitting the bills, he’ll have enough money saved after two months to buy a ring?

Post # 12
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think if he knows it’s important to you then he should make it a priority.

My Fiance asked me to move in this past year I said yes but then had a meltdown because I didn’t want to get “stuck” living with him but having the relationship go nowhere (benefits of a wife without the committment – I’m 27 he’s 37 it’s not like we were just hanging out).

He assured me that he wasn’t going to change his mind about how he felt and so I kept my plans to move in at the end of November.

However November 1 he proposed – because he saw how important it was to me and my family that we be moving forward before living together.

I think your concerns are reasonable. I don’t understand why so many guys say “I’ll do it in X months” what are they waiting for?

Post # 13
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think lliving together before marriage is a wonderful thing. However, I do NOT think that living together before you’re engaged is.  I moved in with my ex, expecting an engagement that I never got.  We were together for 8 years.  I think that living together actually made him feel like there was no need to move the relationship forward.  Afterall, why buy the cow when you already have the milk, and the cow is already cooking, cleaning, doing your laundry and paying half your rent?

After I left, I decided that I would never live with a man who wasn’t ready to commit to me again.  I moved in with my fiance last October, after he’d proposed in June.

Post # 14
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I don’t understand why it would take two months for him to propose if you live together and more if you don’t. I would not move in with him until you both have made a commitment towards marriage if you’re not comfortable with this. You’ve been there, done that, and you know that living together is to “test” a relationship or to help with finances are no good reasons to live with someone.

So, be gentle, but stand your ground. Continue doing just what you’ve done so far, and don’t bring up the subject – he knows that the ball is in his court, all he has to do is sort out his feelings and decide whether or not he wants to spend his life with you. That decision should be made before intertwining your lives more than they are, so that if he decides against, the break is cleaner.

Post # 15
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Agree 100% with Charismaclassic!!

Post # 16
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I dont see anything wrong with living together w/o being engaged. IMO wanting to be engaged after only dating a year IMO is kinda early. You really dont know a person that well its still in the “new” part of a relationship

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