Ok, I’ll defend the mom here. Many years ago, when my friend was 18, she was a petite, small town girl, all alone in LA. Kids were the last thing on her mind.
She noticed one day that she had a little pooch in her belly; the thought disappeared quickly. I now understand exactly how this works. When I was on Synthroid, and my hair fell out, I could look at massive amounts of hair in the sink, and it just did not consciously register. “Oh, yeah. A little daily hair loss is normal “.
My friend was pregnant and didn’t realize it until she was six months along.
It’s a lesson in the power of denial.
And I have had quite enough of the: My divorce destroyed me, I’ll never get married again bullshit. Allow me to do some myth busting. Everyone’s divorces suck. Even those who are fortunate enough to end things amicably suffer feelings of loss and sadness. Divorce is a a thoroughly wretched experience. Yet, statistically, most of us try again (80% in the US, per 2014 Pew data), and usually in less than four years.
If you monitor these guys (not recommended), it’s rather amazing how often these marriage phobes end up engaged to someone else within six months of your breakup.
Everyone, please hold your applause on his assurances that he wants to do the right thing and support his child. More bullshit. He has absolutely no say in whether he supports that baby or not. The military will make certain he pays support, right out of his paychecks.
And, Bee, Dear One. Your total time spent with this guy pencils out to three months, if my math is correct (not my best skill). It’s too soon to even be discussing exclusivity, let alone an incredibly awkward instafamily with a virtual stranger. You know so very little about your bf, his life or his family.
My suggestion would be that you spend some time talking to stepmoms; we have lots right here. Ask them what it’s like. You will likely find that it’s very hard, even when you know your partner well and are crazy in love with him and his child. It’s mostly thankless. With very young children, it’s grueling work to care for someone else’s child. And to put up with the ever present ex.
But, not to worry, one day they turn into teenagers and the real drama kicks in.
Many women find the role of stepmom to be enormously rewarding. But, I doubt that many would call it easy.
Nowhere in your post did I read anything about feelings of anger and resentment at being put in this position. It would be quite normal to feel that way, Bee.