. . . and said that the last thing he wanted to do was hurt me as he knows he’s the one who fucked up and I’ve been nothing but a “good woman” through all of this. He said he’s just kind of frozen with everything happening as he definitely can’t afford to fail out of this program as it’s going to help support his son and he’s still not sure how he feels about the fact that he’s going to be a father, only that he’s going to step and isn’t sure how that’s going to change things yet so it feels wrong to make me any promises. He added that he loves me very much and said he never would have pursued me like he did if he hadn’t been very serious about us or put me through any of this if he had known about his son coming.
Bee, honey. You just had your ‘serious conversation’. This is as close to a kiss off as he could get without actually resorting to truthfulness, something with which he appears to be uncomfortable.
Let’s break it down.
He’s the one who fucked up, I’ve been a ‘good woman’ through everything.
Translation: It’s not you, it’s me.
He can’t afford to flunk out of school.
Translation: I’m too busy for a relationship. (Another excuse dragged out of mothballs).
He’s still not sure how he feels about being a father.
Translation: Everything is about meeeeee!
He’s going to ‘step’.
Translation: Presuming that meant “step up”. Well, what elementary schoool(s) will they be naming after Super Dad for his outstanding service in paying mandatory child support?
This is not the first time he has announced his intention to support his child. (See: ‘Its all about meeeeee” above). He gets less credit than most, because in the military, he has zero options regarding CS. It’s taken out of his checks. Doing anything to attempt to evade paying carries stiff consequences.
He feels it’s wrong to make me any promises.
Translation: I don’t see a future with you.
He loves me very much, wouldn’t have pursued me if he wasn’t serious or knew he had a son on the way.
Translation: Foaming the runway for you.
No halfway decent guy enjoys hurting women. In their heads, they often believe the best way to avoid that is to either push you to dump them, or, will use breakup language that he thinks will let you down easy, as the old cliche goes.
The “I love yous” are pretty standard.
If he is the type of person I have begun to suspect he may be, allowing you to remain on the periphery indefinitely, as a potential fall back, would suit him fine.
The problem, Bee, is that you are not hearing the “No”.
There really is not anything he has said that is indicative of him considering himself your bf or planning a future with you. I’m really sorry about that, Bee.