(Closed) BF may not make it to friend's wedding. What to do?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
589 posts
Busy bee

My vote is for you to just go alone if your SO is not able to make it. Personally I don’t really like when people just bring a random date to the wedding. As for the gift I would still try to cover 2 plates. 

Post # 4
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@NYMango:  I wouldn’t bring someone else, unless your really uncomfortable going by yourself. I’m sure they will understand and I would just give a gift from you.

Post # 5
Member
7739 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@NYMango:  IMO it’s inappropriate to ask to bring someone else. Tell the bride ASAP that your SO can’t come so you are changing your numbers from 2 to 1. You should have done this “a few days ago” when he told you, but the next best thing is to do it right now, i.e. today. It may be too late for them to change their numbers with the their caterer, but then again it might be. Even if it’s too late for them to change anything, it is polite to let them  know he won’t be there.

EDIT: Oh wait, he “might” be there. Doesn’t he know his flight times? Or is it that he might be jet lagged? If there’s no realistic chance of him attending, do what I said above. If ther e is a chance, then explain the situation to the bride that SO may not be there. It’s frustrating but as a bride I wouldn’t mind too much because your situation is pretty exceptional. There are always one or two guests who can’t come due to exceptional circumstances anyway (e.g. illness).

Post # 6
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@NYMango:  I just dealt with a similar situation, but on the other side of things. My FI’s aunt and uncle can’t make it to our wedding so they asked us if they could send their daughter (whom my Fiance and I never see) in their place to represent their family. It put us in a very awkward position and to be frank, we thought it was rude and we had to say no to them.

We also had a friend of my FI ask if he could bring a different date than the one we had invited and place on his envelope, him and his Girlfriend are always off and on and he didn’t know if they’d be together by the time our wedding rolled around. Again, put us in an awkward situation as the bride and groom because we don’t want any randoms at our small intimate wedding.

 

Unless you’re extremely uncomfortable going alone, I wouldn’t ask.

 

As for your gift, give what ever you can reasonably afford. I personally don’t agree with the “cover your plate” gift. Some of our friends have kids and are living off of one income so I wouldn’t want them stretching their budget just to  give us $200 to cover their meals.

 

Post # 7
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I would tell the bride and groom, and go by yourself … Maybe they have another person in mind to fill the spot? Then give the present from both you and your boyfriend, since he was also invited.

Post # 8
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@jordyanna:  this is exactly what I was going to suggest 🙂 

Post # 9
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

What’s wrong with just asking??? People get so touchy with these ettiquete rules. Why can’t people just be honest. My friend is married, but leaving her husband. She’s dating someone else already and casually told me to still include her with a plus one. Because she’s bringing her Boyfriend or Best Friend as her date. I told her well, we need to meet him before inviting him because its an intimate wedding and my Fiance doesn’t want anyone there he doesn’t know. I don’t like her husband and he wasn’t invited in the first place. My friend’s situation is a whole different story! But besides that point, she asked, I told her How I felt. Just be honest. 

 

Edit: about the gift situation, spend what you can afford. There shouldn’t be a limit on how much you “need” to spend. Not everyone can spend the same amount of money as others. If you can afford to spend $200 and you want to then that’s find too. 

 

Post # 11
Member
3257 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If the invitation named him, HE is invited, not someone else.  If it named you plus guest, you are invited and someone you bring.  But, when in doubt, just ask.

Post # 12
Member
7739 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@NYMango:  I think you’ve done the right thing (notified the groom and going solo).

It’s a pity the groom’s upset, but I’m hoping that’s just the wedding stress getting to him. While you and your bf have made a mistake (mixing up the dates), it’s not like he’s deliberately missing the wedding after RSVP-ing yes, which would be much ruder.

Post # 13
Member
5191 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@NYMango:  1) ask them first if you can bring a replacement guest. Sometimes a caterer will not charge for a no-show. 2) you’re only expected to pay per plate, so if your bf isn’t there you don’t need to give an additional gift on his behalf. You can if you want to, but I don’t think the couple would expect it. 

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