- 8 years ago
- Wedding: March 2013
Hi! I’m a new bee here so glad I found this board.
I’m 27 yo working towards my career and my bf is going on 30 yo soon.
We’ve been together for a lil over a year, we don’t live together and i don’t plan to until after concrete plans set.
So like everone on here I’m a girl who’s planning to get married at one point or another.
After one year mark I checked in to see how he feels about marriage. A month a go when I asked he said he wouldn’t be going out with me if he wasn’t serious and he sees himself married when he’s 31, 32 which I found a bit soon at the time.
My ‘ideal’ schedule is to get married in 2012 (no particular reason, I just figured we could prepare ourselves complete ready by then and I could plan the wedding properly! Dream plan).
So last weekend I casually talked about my 2012 plan with him and he seemed like it came of out nowhere, yes 2012 was mentioned for the first time. He didn’t agree on the year, he didn’t disagree but I figure he just never thought about it like I do. He just mumbled 2013…2014…hmm…
He said he has concerns about certain things when it comes to getting married. Probably his career plus something else I don’t know. He isn’t concerened about the person he says.
When I asked if he wants to be my husband he said of course, I’m not sure where this of course comes from though. And I checked if he feels afraid if marriage will limit his lifestyle, to which he says ‘no I think you’re pretty cool’, poor vocabulary…
So it’s the level of readiness. He’s not ready.
I get that he’s not ready and it’s ok. I didn’t expect him to be ready at this point. 2012 doesn’t matter as long as there WILL be marriage down the road. I’m just really anxious. I don’t want to sit in the relationship for more than 3 years and then find that it’s not going to happen a.k.a wasting time.
Can anyone relate?
I should mention before this relationship I was with an older man for a long time only to end up splitting because he couldn’t commit. This man is I figure is a real commitment phobe. The experience really got me paranoid.