Post # 1
I’ve been with my boyfriend for just about a year now. We’ve lived together for 6 months, and I’m ready to take the next step and get engaged. He says he wants to get married too. However, he keeps promising engagement dates and falling through. At first it was August, then November, then December, then January, then March, and now he’s saying sometime in the summer. I want to get married next fall so a summer engagement throws everything off. When I try discussing with him, he gets upset and tells me that I have no reason to be angry. What should I do?
Post # 2
Editing because I just realized you said you’ve only been with this guy for a year. Your relationship is young, and a year is still a short timeframe for deciding to marry someone. Communicating is important here. Many people would consider wanting to get engaged 6 months after meeting someone and restlessness about not being engaged a year into a relationship as “rushing.” He may need more time than you did to be certain that you are “the one.” Do you feel a sense of urgency to move the relationship along?
Post # 3
neptune2214 : you guys need to communicate in a meaningful way.
You need to be able to explain why it is you want to get engaged so quickly and he needs to be honest about whether he sees marriage in your near future and what his reservations are at this point.
He’s wrong to lie to you and say a proposal is coming and not deliver, but you’re also pushing for engagement super early in the relationship. Surely, if this is a healthy relationship that is right for both of you, the two of you can come to a better understanding of where one another are coming from and make a plan for your future that is amenable to both of you.
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
You might be ready to be engaged but it’s only been a year and he might not be. It sounds like he isn’t being honest with you about it though. Talk to him and ask him about why he was giving you dates and not following through. Don’t listen to pp, at this point it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to marry you. 1 year is way too fast for most people and it sounds like he’s trying to go along with what your desires are and not being honest that it’s too soon for him.
Post # 5
By not putting the money where his mouth is, you now know that you can’t trust his words at all. In your shoes I’d question if he really is someone I want to marry at all. Because if his words and actions are not congruent now, it may be highly likely that they continue that way after a wedding as well. For me, not a good sign.
I’d prepare to have to move on in the near future if he doesn’t correct course.
Post # 6
What does your partner want?
I don’t think pushing your partner into marriage just because you want to get married next fall is reasonable. Have you slowed down and wonder if he’s really ready to be married and if he’s not what are those reasons?
I think you should really ask yourself those questions as well.
You might want to talk to him about why the engagement has been put on hold without applying any pressure about it.
Post # 7
Slow your roll
have an adult conversation-life plans & timelines
manage expectations-show respect for one another and yourself
“hope for the best-plan for the worst” case scenario
enjoy your relationship and let it grow organically-just not to the point where you let resentment breed; see steps 2 & 3
Post # 8
Sounds like its a fall wedding you are wanting, not a marriage to your boyfriend.
Impatiently waiting 6 months into a relationship?? 🙄
Post # 9
neptune2214 : If you want answers then you need to have a straight forward discussion about when you would both like to get engaged and let him know you want a date next time that will not change. I do know some who only knew their spouse a year before engagement, I knew my boyfriend a year before we talked about engagement and we’re looking at being engaged at about the 1.5 year mark. But we also entered our relationship with the intention of marriage, not just dating for fun. It sounds like he may really care for you but is realizing 6, 8, 12 months is a lot sooner than he realized for an engagement. It definitely seems like more time than it is. When you know, you know. Good luck!
Post # 11
Who initiates the conversations about getting married?
Post # 12
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
How old are you guys? You have only been together for a year now living together for 6months and YOUR ready to take it to the next level. What does he want to do? Shame on him for stringing you along but that’s what he is doing. He is making broken promises to you. He doesn’t seem ready for marriage. If he is making broken promises to now imagine what it would be like if you were married? Doesn’t sound like a good way to start out. Sounds to me he just trying to shut you up from talking about it. Men don’t like to be pressured. The more you talk about it the more he is going to get irritated with you. It’s not cool that he keeps telling you differant dates, but think like he does and get a clue he’s not ready yet. That’s why he keeps pushing the dates back.
Post # 13
pocahontas28 : Wanting a fall wedding because of logicstics. We are currently living with two other roommates and have separate rooms. We are a Christian couple who values our faith and do not want to live together alone/share a room/etc. until we are married. Many couples that are our friends date for around a year before engaging so for us, it seems like the norm. Our lease ends in July and we both agree that we do not want to renew the lease at this place. However, if we aren’t renewing the lease we’d need to find a place for just the two of us. I don’t want to do that unless we are engaged and close to a wedding date. If we are not engaged by then, we will get separate places and the wedding will be pushed back for another year. Which gets complicated then because I’ll be entering residency and taking national exams for my degree at that time and putting a wedding on top of all that seems impossible. I guess I’m just frustrated due to his lack of communication. I finally got it out of him last night that he’s worried about a possible career change and not focused on engagement. But timing just doesn’t seem to be on our side and I’m hurt and frustrated.
Post # 14
it sounds like he is being honest with you he is simply not financially ready to take care of you and your future togther. marriage is about compromise and unless you can wait for him, you may need to find someone who is ready to shack up as quick as you are . you can not compare your relationship with other people based on how long it took for them to get engaged because everyone is different.
Post # 15
Sounds like you need to accept that it isn’t the right time right now and consider what you’re willing to do about next year.