(Closed) BF sad that he can't surprise me

posted 5 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

What I did with my husband was send him several images of the type of ring I would love. Just to give him some ideas to go by so I didn’t have to go shopping or anything and it could be a surprise. But I would have loved anything he put time and effort into picking out. 

Maybe send him 2 or 3 pictures of what you like, he may have no idea. Like my fiance at the time (now husband) didn’t really have any idea so I think he welcomed the idea of me sending him a few hints : )

Post # 4
922 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I think iya a great idea to go shopping together! The jewelry store can write down the details of what you like and make a “wish list.” Then, maybe your man can go back when the time comes and pick out which one he likes best, from your list. 



Post # 5
4040 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

See if he’d feel better about a compromise – you shop together and you pick 2-3 rings you like and would be happy with. Then he gets to make the final decision. You get input. He still gets to surprise you ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 6
1815 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

What if you only go online shopping together? Then when he proposes, that is the first time you see it in person in all its glory?

Post # 7
3101 posts
Sugar bee

@AllyCRN:  We went shopping together.  But when it was ready I didn’t see the final product until he proposed, so I was still surprised!

Post # 9
2780 posts
Sugar bee

@AllyCRN:  I agree with PP. you should send him a few pics to choose from, that way you’re still surprised and he gets to ultimately pick

Post # 10
1523 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@AllyCRN:  We went shopping together and I picked out 3 rings that I loved.  So it was still a surprise, and so was the engagement, so it worked out for everyone. I think its so important to get a ring you like!

Post # 11
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

can’t you tell your best friend then have her tell him or something?

Post # 12
4040 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@AllyCRN:  but you already know the proposal is coming obviously, you’ve talked about marriage and rings. You know it’s coming. You still have no idea apecifically when or how. 

Post # 13
2411 posts
Buzzing bee

Tell your b/f that the “surprise” can come in other ways — you can be surprised by the location where he proposes, the occasion when he proposes, the way that he proposes, the timing of when he proposes.

I’m sorry, but the ring is important. You’re going to wear it every day for the rest of your life. These boards are filled with posts by Bees who were “surprised” by their boyfriends with rings that they don’t like at all, rings that are completely opposite to their personal styles. I cringe when I hear of these poor girls who want something vintage-y and end up with something modern; or girls who want round solitaires and end up getting marquise cluster rings for example.

I repeat: you’re going to be wearing it every day for the rest of your life. You really need to have a say in this.

If I were you, I would gently encourage your b/f to let you help pick the ring. Or at the very least, give him some very, VERY specific photos of what you want, that he can use as a guideline. 


Post # 14
1411 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@AllyCRN:  How would you feel about being proposed to with a stand-in ring, or your center stone in a temporary setting? With the latter, you’d need to tell him what cut, size, material, and color you’d like.


Fiance and I did a little bit of ring shopping, two months before he asked, but it was clear that I was really picky so we decided that he would propose with a whimsical, inexpensive ring, and then we’d find my engagement ring together. For me it really was the best of both worlds, and the ring he proposed with actually fits better on a different finger so I often wear both at the same time. But since it really didn’t fit right I got a really cheap third ring the next day, and it turned my finger green but I wore it for a month while I waited! 


Post # 15
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Ya I don’t get the whole “surprise” thing…

Too much Hollywood IMO

I get it in regards to perhaps the timing of the actual words being spoken… or a ring being flashed…

BUT in reality, in this day and age, couples talk marriage long before they talk about the actual proposal.

Particularly so if people are doing things like having sex, living together, buying houses, having babies etc…

If you’ve exchanged LIFE PLANS then you KNOW you two are on track for Engagement… and so a Proposal that truly only is “Will You Marry Me” can come at any time that matches up with your timeline / LIFE PLAN

A Proposal can take place with or without a ring.  A Proposal is merely the act of asking… (whatever format that may take… cause it isn’t always the aforementioned 4 words)

My own happened without those 4 specific words (basically on vacation… and the idea “We should look into marrying on this beach the next time we are here” is what he presented) … and without a ring… then we went ring shopping together… and announced things “officially” to the rest of the world after the ring was on my finger

But there are plenty of Bees here on WBee who come up with other solutions so as to plan together / shop together (agree on a ring) prior to either the words being spoken, or the ring being given

And still the actual event… the Proposal is still a HUGE event for them (surprise or not)

Lol, many a guy having been able to hide the purchase of the actual ring from his Girlfriend, or having it and taking his own sweet time to set the stage to pop the Question.

And it seems to me that ALL those Bees were quite happy with however things turned out.

They still were surprised when the Question was asked, or the ring was presented to them.

I don’t for a second regret how my proposal came about… his asking… even in his own way was thrilling.  So Him.  And now it is sooo us, and part of OUR LOVE STORY.  I didn’t miss not his having a ring in hand at the time… cause it gave us something more to enjoy together in our relationship looking for it.  And the moment he slipped it on my finger, was still swoonworthy… a truly incredible AWESOME Moment.

Hope this helps,


Post # 16
1508 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@AllyCRN:  Tell him that the ring wont be a surprise, but when and how he proposes will be ๐Ÿ™‚ You wont know when he’s doing it! Or maybe you chould show him your top 3 rings, and then let him pick which one when you’re there ๐Ÿ™‚ And tell the associate that is helping yall which is really your favorite so they can sway him once you are gone… ๐Ÿ™‚ 

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