BF said he was proposing this year – but he's not even saved for a ring

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
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  • Post # 16
    Member
    646 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2017

    b317 :  He said he wants to be engaged to you. You want to be engaged to him. He hasn’t saved a dime… do you have money for a ring? Let’s get real. It’s 2017. Us ladies have jobs. Contributing to your own ring is not a no-no. His savings inability to save some money needs to be addressed. Learn how to budget together for your ring. This is not his choice alone. You are 50% of your relationship. 

    Post # 17
    Member
    6442 posts
    Bee Keeper

    b317 :  You don’t need a ring to be engaged.  My first ring was much cheaper and something I wore and loved for a few years.  We upgraded to another ring after five years together.  But that’s how we did it.  Each couple is different.

    Post # 18
    Member
    2981 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2017

    He’s just making excuses not to commit to you. Basically telling you to shut up and stop bugging him about it. Until when/IF he ever chooses to bestow the great honor of proposing! There’s no impetus as he evidently already has all he  wants relationship wise…and what you want is not important to him.  Yeah, I myself would never put up with that…. But …he obviously believes you will…

    Post # 19
    Member
    5864 posts
    Bee Keeper

    LittleByLittle : I totally love this post- and definitely agree on the conflict-avoidance. This is also something my Darling Husband and I deal with (much more successfully now than in the past, though it’s a work in progress). I’m very opinionated/deal with the problem head-on/say what you mean. Darling Husband is easy going to a fault, and while this makes him a generally likeable and easy to live with guy- it can tip too far into the conflict-avoidance (lol dealing with in-laws) and actually- as you say so well, actually makes the problem bigger because you not only have the original issue to deal with you have the added issues of not being forthcoming/disappointment/misunderstanding/ frustration etc. 

    I would’ve felt exactly the same as you regarding the Christmas stayover. You don’t wanna stay over, fine, speak up and say so ffs. Don’t let me anticipate and plan for it- did he not think you’d be making the apartment cozy and festive for the holidays, getting in extra food/drinks, planning his favourite meals??? It’s a far bigger blow to let you down so unexpectedly at the last minute. 

    Sorry to get sidelined OP- but if you can relate to these conflict avoidance issues, that may be part of your SO’s issues that he needs to deal with. You can’t solve life’s problems together unless he’s willing to have honest, sometimes difficult conversations and needs to know that, even if he worries you’ll be mad or upset at what he tells you- NOT telling you makes things worse in the long run.  

    Post # 21
    Member
    12291 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    Reliability and trustworthiness are attributes I value a great deal in a relationship, not to mention financial discipline. Why is he spending money on a vacation that could have gone toward a ring? Are you sure it’s your Boyfriend or Best Friend who wants the fancy proposal or does he think that’s what you expect? 

    Post # 21
    Member
    625 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    Hummm, where did my comment go? It wasn’t that abrasive at all.

    Anyway, I disagree with the bees saying you don’t need a ring. A man who gives his word and follows through is important. Also if he can’t save for a ring what about future financial obligation you will incure while married? A marriage is not just, “oh, I love him.” 

    Post # 22
    Member
    3306 posts
    Sugar bee

    http://www.bluenile.com has credit and zero interest for the first year (if it is seriously just about money). A nice $3000 ring could be paid off before the interest kicks in by paying $250 a month. 

    If not, me thinks you need to walk- only because an open ended timeline doesn’t work and telling you not to talk about it (after HE brought it up) won’t work either.

    Post # 23
    Member
    6 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2019

    b317 :  DH asked my dad 6 months before he asked me. While he was in the process of getting the $$ together to have the real ring made (friend of ours did it, a jeweler) he proposed to me with a James Avery ring that set him back about $85. If a man wants to propose to you, he’ll do it. 

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