(Closed) BF says he says I'm most attractive WITHOUT makeup and in workout clothes

posted 7 years ago in Beauty
Post # 18
Member
3075 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

Oh, I meant since he said you looked more pale with make up & if you’re adding foundation to your face I assumed that was it. And by eyeliner I didn’t mean like a raccoon lol I just meant a little on top close to your lash line & a bit on bottom- nothing too heavy.

Post # 19
Member
537 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

If you looked like a clown (which I’m sure you don’t) someone would have said something to you by now. Is it nice that he thinks you’re beautiful dressed down? Yes. Is it weird that he has a negative reaction to you doing basic things like wearing makeup and real clothes? Definitely. There’s clearly something else going on here, so I would have to have a frank conversation. His preferences aside, he shouldn’t be making you feel *bad* or unattractive for wearing things that you love. I know that you probably feel more attractive withmakeup and nice clothes, so it must be very confusing to hear the opposite reaction from your BF. :/ I would talk to him and continue to do what makes me personally happy. I know I couldn’t handle wearing sweats and no makeup all the time just to please a guy- same reason I don’t wear heels and a miniskirt 24 hours a day. This sounds like a really weird situation…

Post # 20
Member
13603 posts
Honey Beekeeper

This is starting to sound like more than your garden variety guy who just says, you look beautiful to me no matter what!  It bothers me that BF  gets quiet etc. when he doesn’t approve.   That combined with the  preferences on the hair and the clothes and he is starting to sound not only “earthy” , but a bit controlling. I’d start wondering what he saw in me in the first place.  My guess is that your initial dates did not feature you in sweats and a ponytail, or au naturel.  It’s the fact that he’s actively trying to change you now that bothers me, not the difference in his esthetic preferences.

Post # 21
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2014

My Fiance always tells me that I look better without make up, or that i dont need a lot of make up. He doesnt care when i have some mascara on or BB cream ( he wouldnt even notice a BB cream on). We live together and I usually dont wear make up around the house, but when we go out to eat, do something or meet other people Im gonna put some foundation/bronzer on. 

Funny thing is that when I do my eyes a little bit darker and he sees me hes like omg you have too much make up, and that I dont need it. So i leave out heavier (which isnt really that heavy) eye make up and red lipstick for girls nights out. One time when I was going out with the girls and i had red lipstick on and black eyeliner on he laughed me claiming i look like a clown lol

He likes when I dress up though and has hes favorite outfits that I wear.

Post # 22
Member
2585 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

For “Fuzzy” prevention perhaps add Urban Decay or Skindinavia’s Setting Spray to your routine?

Post # 23
Member
8036 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

If he keeps this up, I would talk to him about it. I get that many guys do like their gals without makeup, but for him to bring it up and get upset about if often is a bit weird. He shouldn’t be critiquing your looks this much. It makes me think he’s insecure in his own looks or something. You should be able to wear what you want. It’s not like you’re doing anything crazy that a normal person would find objectionable. You’re just wearing a little makeup.

Post # 24
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@ln4444:  I too think you are ready waaaaayyyy to much into this.  Many girls think they have to put on lots of make-up and wear perfect clothes in order to be considered beautiful.  But the truth is, lots of guys like the natural look.  And I think that’s what your BF is trying to get across.  He’s saying you don’t need makeup or fashionable clothes to be beautiful, you naturally are!   My H has told me numerous times that he loves that I don’t wear makeup (I only wear a little for work and speical occasions) and that he finds me most attractive when my hair is in braids and I have workout clothes on.  It’s because it looks like I’m going to be active, and he just finds that look/idea very attractive.  Sure he’ll compliment me when I get dressed up for a wedding or special event, but I get the most compliments when I’m sans make-up, messy hair, and in hiking clothes.  My guess is that your BF is similar.  He likes you, just you.

Or maybe he’s trying to tell you that you don’t need to “try” so hard for him.  He’ll find you attractive no matter what!

Also, I don’t know what you look like with makeup on, but maybe the foundation + powder + bronzer + blush is a bit much on your face?  I’m no make-up expert (obviously) but it sounds like a lot to me and perhaps it looks great from farther away, but when it’s close up, you can really see it?  

Post # 25
Member
1646 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

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@MexiPino:  This!

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@ln4444:  I don’t think he means any harm. My is always telling my I’m beautiful or adorable, but he really loves when I’m wearing the type of outfit your SO likes to see you wear (I love dressing like this at home because its way more comfortable then jeans, but I almost never leave the house dressed like that).

That said, he has never really flat out told me that he dislikes something I’m wearing or the way I do my hair and makeup. He may have suggestions, but he never just says he doesn’t like it. Does he only mention it when you guys Skype or does he mention it when you see one another in person? If its just online then it could be something with the camera or lighting in the room you’re in.

If it really bothers you, then mention it to him the next time he brings it up. Just explain that you like to dress that way and the makeup makes you feel a bit more “polished” or “put together.” If he doesn’t get it, just tell him you like the way you look and change the topic.

Post # 26
Member
12244 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@ln4444:  My DH sounds like your BF! He hates when I get all dressed up–Because it makes him look like a bum! He has these 10 year old black track pants that he LOVES and wears constantly. He wore them out to the movies once, and an old guy (like 85+) sat down next to us, called him a bum, and offered to take me home with him and his wife!

Hilarious. Anyway, dress however you want. It’s not about him!

Post # 27
Member
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I had this exact conversation with my SO. He told me that he thought I was beautiful without makeup and he loves it when I wear lounging clothes for around the house. I told him that I put a lot of effort into looking nice and that I didn’t understand why he wouldn’t want that over me just rolling out of bed and looking like a complete slob. He told me that I looked more “natural” when I don’t do anything to look nice, even though I wear very natural-looking makeup.

Apparently he’s not a huge fan of foundation because it takes away the “shine” from my skin – dude, it’s not shine, it’s all oily!! He likes it when I wear my hair naturally (super curly) even though it’s a pain in the ass to deal with because it gets everywhere and sheds all over the place. And the clothes thing is like a few other people said – guys like it when we wear yoga pants because it’s tight, but not trashy. I’ve taken to just wearing mascara around the house because I’m blonde and otherwise it would look like I had no eyelashes. When SO and I go out though, I do my makeup the way I like (still natural, I don’t even use eyeshadow) and I get dressed really nicely in my own style. To be honest, it’s nice to know that I could look like I’ve been hit by a truck and he’d still think I’m drop dead gorgeous. 🙂

Post # 29
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

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@ln4444:  there’s a whole industry built around convincing women they need these things because we believe it. If we are bombarded with “you’re not good enough as you are” all day everyday, we believe that over what just one man tells us once in a while. Don’t fall for it!

Post # 30
Member
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@ln4444:  I don’t think youre applying your make up wrong, I think guys are just doofs 🙂

I’m sure you look gorgeous both ways! And you should do what makes YOU feel good. Tell him to compliment you whenever he wants, but quit tearing you down when you dress/make up! It sounds like he is sort of a lazy bones (typical) and doesn’t like looking like a mess next to his super hot girlfriend!

Post # 31
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Guys love yoga pants because they can see your tush better, my boyfriend is always quite complimentary when I’m wearing them around the house (or leggings).

 

As far as make up goes… I have a thing about this.  I don’t wear make up for men, they don’t really understand it.  I wear it for me.  I wear it because it makes me feel more put together.  I don’t know how the bronzer could be making you pale… I use it in the winter because I want a healthy glow and not be pasty pale.  I don’t think you wear too much make up based on what you listed. 

 

I get that guys love saying how beautiful we are without make and nice clothes and it does make me feel better knowing he thinks I’m beautiful without it.  But to the point of making you feel bad about wearing it?  That’s odd.  And yea, you might be reading too much into it (I do this allllll the time) but I think you should talk to him.  Maybe ask for clarification since he may just not be expressing himself the way he means to (“So you’re saying you don’t find me attractive when I wear make up and nice clothes?”) and if that doesn’t help tell him how it makes you feel when he makes comments like that.

 

 

 

Good luck!

 

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