(Closed) bf says “i’m overly…” part 2

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I think it’s a major red flag and the solution is to leave…you don’t want to be with someone who can’t calmly discuss things that upset you, believe me. Also, major hugs from my end!

Post # 4
Member
429 posts
Helper bee

me and So had a simlar problem to this a whyle ago, do you no what i did ?

 

i just started to ingnor him when i was  mad at him , he caught on prettyy fast and thank god it  changed our circle arguments . 

Post # 5
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think, generally, guys will think women are “too emotional.” I’m pretty sure it’s because they don’t want to deal with WHY. Not saying this about all men, but even my Psyc professors would agree with that.

If you want to know what I did when we got to these cross-roads, I didn’t change a thing. I said “You don’t like it? Leave.” It sounds harsh but he’s got to realize that I will probably continue to react to things the same way for the duration of our marriage. Take it or leave it, buddy. I also had to “take it” that he is NOT emotional and doesn’t “get” emotions, per se. It’s a tough situation, and I really don’t have “advice,” but I don’t think you should change yourself if you don’t feel like you’re doing anything wrong. What’s the silly little quote – if you don’t love me at my worst you don’t deserve me at my best?

Post # 7
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@Impatiently waiting: It most likely is – actually have you ever taken the Myers-Briggs? It’s a psyc test that somewhat pinpoints your personality “type.” I have used my knowledge of that to work better in my relationship; I also had him take it and we are almost complete opposites. It helps me to realize it and read about the types and traits of the types. If you’re interested, I’d take it and see if he is willing to. I mean why not? It has helped some couples, though it is not for everyone. For me it just helps me be aware.

Good luck with what you do and if you ever want to chat you can PM me.

Post # 8
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee

What is it that you need to be that you aren’t??

Post # 9
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Um, what is it exactly that you are reacting, or over-reacting to? What are all these fights over? Is he worth all this drama? :-/

Post # 11
Member
3758 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Counseling… I love premarital couseling. It could just be couples counseling, but if you are thinking you want to marry this guy, you should try to get this figured out. It would suck to be stuck in this endless cycle forever.

Post # 13
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Candidly…I think he’s too sensitive and both of you need to take accountability.  If all you said was “nevermind” and he got all butt-hurt about it for the rest of the night, then he should learn to take your words with a grain of salt.  Of course I can’t tell through writing, but is it possible that you threw a little more attitude into your “nevermind” than you meant to?  My mom is like that, she says “CLEAN UP ALL THIS STUFF” as if I made the mess just to spite her, but she didn’t mean it angrily, she just wanted me to clean up some stuff and doesn’t have any voice control.  She has a naturally angry tone like…all the time.  😛 

Counseling I think would be a great idea!  You are skeptical/hurt by what your man says is “wrong” with you and he completely denies that anything is wrong with him.  So I think a 3rd party would be perfect to assess your dynamic by providing an unbiased view. 

Post # 15
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee

@Impatiently waiting: Based off your story about him running into the house ahead of you, I would have to say that the issues are not yours. He sounds like an immature asshole. And this was with COMPANY present? Good lord. The part where he wasn’t really listening doesn’t bother me so much. Men seem to lack the ability to do things WHILE listening (you all know it’s true). They are not multi-taskers. And it wasn’t something worth repeating, quite frankly, so I’m not surprised that you moved on quickly and let it go. He’s the one that ran off to his room to pout. And then he tells you that YOU over-reacted and YOU put a wall up? Who was it again that ignored you the entire night?

That is emotional abuse if I ever saw it. If I may ask how old are the both of you? You may have posted it somewhere before but I’m not recalling seeing it. He’s acting like a five year old. Seriously. SO and I talk about this all the time–if grown adults acted like five year olds they would be taken for insane. 

And he says you “copped an attitude?” Is this guy your FATHER? Run. Run for the hills and don’t look back. He clearly has issues that I don’t think counseling will address, because they aren’t between the two of you–the issue is HIM.

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