(Closed) bf says i’m overly…

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3011 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

No one has to tell me I’m overanalyzing anything.  It’s just part of who I am and is done so more often because of bullshit I’ve been through.  Sometimes it’s best just to take a step back and re-evaluate ourselves and see how we can modify the situation.  It takes time, but it’s worth it in the end.  Otherwise, you’re going to drive yourself crazy.

Post # 4
Member
232 posts
Helper bee

My Boyfriend or Best Friend always tells me that I overplan and overthink situations.  I actually kind of agree with him.  Although that hasn’t changed anything, I do take what I think/plan with a grain of salt.

As far as addressing that his statement hurt you, maybe just say “Remember when you said that you think I overanalyze.  I understand where you were coming from, but what you said really hurt.”

I hope you two are able to talk about things like this without it causing a huge ripple in the relationship.  My Boyfriend or Best Friend and I always say that communication is one of the most important things in a relationship.

Post # 5
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

OP – think about it honestly: do you really overanalyze? Have others told you that, too? Or did your SO say that because you were talking about something he just didn’t want to talk about?

I hate being told that I overanalyze something. Sometimes I do, but other times I feel like people say that because they simply don’t want to talk about something, So instead of saying, “I don’t want to talk about this,” they will tell you you are overanalyzing to get you to shut up.

I don’t know what the real situation is here with you, but I just wanted to throw that out there, as a different reason why he might have said that.

Post # 6
Member
4546 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Darling Husband is always telling me I’m too hard on myself and I overthink things. He doesn’t say it to be mean, but to remind me to go easier on myself and just relax. I AM these things and am trying to be easier on myself and stop overthinking things. Sometimes I just need a reminder that I’m doing it. I don’t know what your situation is. Like another poster said, do you think you are these things or not? Because that makes a big difference. Even if you think you are sometimes acting the way he says you are, you could always tell him that it hurts you to hear those things and see what he says.

Post # 7
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Oh yeah.  My guy likes to tell me to “calm down” and ask me “why I’m so worked up” when I’m passionately sharing a story (which makes me want to punch him in the face.)  I can’t help that I get animated at times (he especially loves it when I’m ranting about something I read on the boards.)  It’s like he can’t tell when I’m genuinely upset about something and when I’m just excitedly telling a story.  It can be pretty annoying.

I chalk it up to the fact that he and his family are very…..calm.  Almost sedated at times.  He’ll eventually get used to me and my family’s…livliness.  🙂  

And you have to admit, there is something ironic about analyzing the fact that someone said you tend to overanalyze things.  😉

Post # 8
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

I’m told I overanalyze, over think, over plan everything all the time.  Most of it is said out of love most of the times (or so I’d like to think!) I admit I do it, and laugh at myself so in turn, others laugh with me.

When my FH says it to me sometimes I reply “oh ya? Well you under analyze stuff!”

That usually makes him smile and stop talking about it!

Post # 9
Member
2260 posts
Buzzing bee

Is there any chance that he’s telling you, because it could be making you stressed out, and he wants you to relax? However, you really should be able to tell him when things are bothering you regardless if its an overreaction or not.

 I’m very concious that I overanalyze things constantly, and my Boyfriend or Best Friend is always worried that I’m stressing myself out before things actually happen, or because I take things too seriously. We both know its part of who I am as a person, but he’s really good at keeping me down to earth & tells me when I’m overreacting.

Post # 10
Member
5371 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

My boyfriend tells me that I overanalyze things all the time but he means it in a loving way so it doesn’t really bother me. Plus, I know it’s true, I do read a little to far into the situation at hand. I definitely don’t think it’s a bad thing, it just means that I pay attention to detail and that I’m very organized (: Nothing wrong with that as long as it isn’t stressing me out.

Judging by your other posts you seem to be very detail oriented too. In a couple of your other questions you asked what we thought of the possible hints your boyfriend was giving. With the information you gave it’s obvious that you pay attention to what’s going on in each situation (: Maybe those types of behaviours are what he’s drawing his conclusion from.

If he wants you to stop overanalyzing then maybe he’s afraid that you’ll ruin your proposal surprise for yourself by thinking too hard about it or figuring his plan out (: If it’s bothering you this much though you should really let him know that it bothers you. If you feel bringing it up might cause a fight then write him a note or something. If you do choose to talk to him about it in person then make sure to use I statements so that he won’t get defensive. Ex: “I feel upset when you say this. I feel this way because…”

Post # 11
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I over-analyze, over-think, read into things, get overly emotional, etc.

I know it, but sometimes I can’t help it. Fiance will tell me when I’m doing those things and my first reaction is to “overreact” back.

I’m working on my over-thinking/overreacting and things have gotten better.

I also tend to build up scenarios in my own head and then get very disseminated when I don’t get the scenario I created in my head (even though I never told Fiance what I was thinking).

Post # 12
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

My husband lets me know that I worry a ton, and that one of these days, I’m going to stress myself into a tizzy and never get out of it! We have a playful dynamic with it though and he knows he’s my sounding board and the person who calms me down.

There was a time where he told me I was overreacting and it did hurt my feelings. I flat out told him (later, when I was calmed down) that he basically made me feel like my feelings about the situation didn’t count or didn’t matter. That my feelings weren’t valid, and it’s a sh*tty feeling when you find your significant other thinks that your feelings aren’t valid. I think that got the point across to him that he shouldn’t ever use that word again. Everyone’s feelings are valid, and so are yours. You just need to make sure your SO sees it that way too.

Post # 14
Member
222 posts
Helper bee

I’m one of those “overly ______” people also. And like you I’m detail orientated. When SO tells me to knock it off, I say “I’m sorry but this is how I’m feeling, and my feelings are valid”. The first couple times I said that he decided to play smart-ass about it. After his smart-ass reaction ticked me off to no end every time, he stopped. Men don’t want an agrument (frankly, neither do I or most women).

It’s important to say “I feel” statements. “I feel that calling me overly_____ is an unfair acusation. I do agree that I analyze things more than some other people, but I feel there is nothing wrong with that”. That should open a discussion. It could be that you analyze things more than HE does, so he feels it as over-analyzing.

Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2011

My guy does the same thing, I’m overly something quite a lot with him and I agree its very disrespectful and it does make you feel like they are trying to ask you to be something you aren’t.   I know someone suggested saying things like I feel when you say…. but for me that does not work either.  What works for me is owning the situation. If I feel myself getting upset. I tell him, I’m getting upset because of blank blank blank or I’m anxious because of blank blank blank, I’m beginning to overanalyse …. you get the picture.  The reason I feel…..blank blank blank, backfires is because he feels that I’m making him the guilty party who is hurting me. For example if I say I feel really upset because I’m not getting the help I need or he isn’t helping me he instantly goes on the defense that I’m picking on him for not helping me and instead of just saying I’m getting upset and need help.   He said that I feel statements feel like acqusations so if you find they don’t work either try next time your getting up to just say this is upsetting me I need whatever.  This way he knows how to fix it.  Good luck

Post # 16
Member
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I over analyze things constantly, and unfortunately I think people think things that they really don’t think (wow, that’s a mouth ful, does it make sense? lol)  But I’ve learned to take a step back and relax. I’ve realized that we’re both young and have character flaws and it’s our duty to help the other one grow into a better person.  Sometimes it hurts, yeah, but that’s life, and I tell him when he’s gone too far, but I always ask him to be honest. Building communication right now while you’re waiting is Vital towards a healthy relationship in the future.  Part of the engagement process is learning how to deal with eachother (even if you’ve been dating forever, you still learn)  So before you jump all over him, smile and realize that your best friend is the one that tells you the truth (cause he wants to be your best friend).

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