(Closed) BF won't listen to my ring preferences….

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Perhaps appeal to him with the insurance costs of a diamond versus a moissanite? If you don’t want a diamond mostly because you think it will delay your engagement, I’d chill out, though and let him buy a diamond if its that important to him. If you genuinely prefer another gemstone and would be actively unhappy with a diamond, tell him that and show him the insurance stats.

Post # 3
Member
739 posts
Busy bee

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sakirby :  Well if you plan to wear it every day there isn’t really a high chance of losing it.

I understand it’s your ring and ultimately you have to love it, but you also have to see it from your bf’s perspective. Men are constantly being told they should get a diamond, go big, prove their love with an engagement ring. 

He is part of the process too so you need to find a way to compromise. Maybe a sapphire with a diamond halo? Or perhaps a small inexpensive dainty diamond? 

Post # 5
Member
31 posts
Newbee

If your main concern is that you are afraid of losing the ring and therefor don’t want a diamond because it you would feel bad losing something that expensive then I would think about insurance for it. That way you are covered If something does happen and your fiancé/husband won’t be out the money. I think it’s sweet that he really want to get you a diamond.  If the fact that he wants to get you a diamond is delaying the engagement because he has to save then you can both maybe compromise. Get a gorgeous  setting and the center stone can be a diamond alternative so you can get the engament underway and agree to have the center stone replaced with a diamond either during the engagement or by your first anniversary. That way both parties end up happy?

Post # 8
Member
6949 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I have a sapphire and I love it. I was initially thinking about a white stone just because they’re so easy to wear. My husband suggested something blue and since the diamonds in the shade of blue I love are like $500,000 a carat- sapphire it is! Lol.

If your SO has the resources and you’re not strongly opposed to a diamond then I’d do as a PP suggested and just be sure to get insurance (and maybe a six prong setting).

Post # 9
Member
712 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Honestly when we first got engaged my mother was sure I’d lose my engagement ring. The wedding is coming up in October over two years later and I’ve managed to keep it on my finger.

i never take it off. Ever. I’m afraid if I take it off to wash my hands I’ll forget it so I just leave it on 24/7. 

Post # 10
Member
31 posts
Newbee

View original reply
sakirby :  I can see the sticker shock. But you can look at it as a lifetime investment. That’s what I did. I wanted a ring that I would keep for my lifetime and not look at uprgrading down the line.  Of course that can change 2o years from now lol. But we both looked at it from the standpoint of this being a ring i will wear for my lifetime  I am approaching the wedding band the same way as is he.  I told him it’s ok to spend a little more on his wedding band if he finds one he loves for himself and would be happy and enjoy wearing Everyday.  I actually picked my band last weekend  and he’s still looking lol . 

I don’t wear jewelry really and I was scared or breaking or losing my ring as well. But since it have had it I wear t everyday and don’t stress over it. My fi bought a ring in his budget that he liked and knew I would like as well. It’s not the biggest diamond but it had really good specs which was most important to me and him. Knowing how much diamonds cost I told him I didn’t want more then 1 or 1.5 carets and would be fine the .5 carets if budget is an issue. 

Post # 11
Member
1294 posts
Bumble bee

I specifically asked OH for a fairly cheap ring; less than £400. It’s a diamond and a relatively small one at 1/6 carat, but diamonds tend to be smaller in the UK anyway. A benefit of it being cheaper is that I’m thinking of buying a brand new one to go with my wedding ring (i.e. having two identical) as I’m not sure it’ll polish to the same shine, and I wouldn’t like to be without it if it needed to be sent away for replating.

Will he compromise on a really good, but small, diamond?

Post # 12
Member
6947 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
sakirby :  Time to compromise.  I didn’t want a diamond either, but my husband felt it was a necessity.  We got a 3-stone ring with diamond sidestones.  And the are tiny.  I originally thought he’d bought into the advertising nonsense.  More recently he said it’s because they sparkle so much and the stone I wanted wouldn’t have.  Which is true and I do love sparkle.

This ring should be something you like, but it should also be a reflection of the man who gave it to you.  So it’s time to see if there is a way around the issue – maybe you pick the design of the band, maybe you choose a smaller stone that is cheaper and you feel safer about, maybe you go with a gemstone and sidestones or a halo (the only halos I like have colored gem centers), maybe you just insure it and move on, realizing eventually you won’t be thinking about the ring so much and will be a lot more comfortable with it.  If you can’t compromise now, what about other issues when you are married?  It’s good practice!

Post # 13
Member
6414 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
sakirby :  with the exception of the stone I think your boyfriend wants a say in the ring too and he’s chosen a diamond. I don’t know if you’re gonna be able to convince him of not going through with that even if it’s cheaper and affordable to go with an alternative stone. Maybe get a smaller stone to accommodate for the price if your bf won’t budge 

Post # 14
Member
10337 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I have a sapphire center stone and I love it. Thankfully, I didn’t have to talk my husband into anything because he wanted to get me exactly what I wanted. So the extent of our conversation was Me: “I want a sapphire” Him: “Okay, cool” Easy.

But I think a good compromise here would just be to make sure you get good insurance on the ring. That way you don’t have to stress out as much about losing it because you know the insurance will cover replacing it.

Also, I was super nervous about wearing my ring at first too because I was sure I would lose it. But know that I’ve had it for almost 2 years, I’m not nervous about it at all anymore. I rarely take it off and I never take it off outside the house. I have a ring box that I keep it in if I do take it off so that I absolutly know where it is.

Post # 15
Hostess
824 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

What about a compromise? Maybe get a diamond wedding band with a sapphire ering? Or vise versa? That way everyone is happy. Maybe bring that up to him 😊 

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