BF won't listen to my ring preferences….

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 18
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I have two perspectives on this, the first is “problem solving,” and the other is “validation.”

1. My Fiance and I have commited to a diamond setting and an Amora Gem center. It feels like a mix of traditional and modren and honestly when my partener saw a moissanite at the jewlers in person he preferred it over a diamond (at the time he had no idea he was looking at a moissanite). There is porbably a happy medium somehwere to be found! Congrats!

2. It totally sucks to not be heard regarding your preferences. I have met plenty of brides who ended up with a ring style they “didn’t want,” but ultimately, it didn’t ruin their relationship. You’re not alone in your distress, glad you put it out there to people to get support and resolution. Good luck. 

 

Post # 20
Member
2825 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

sakirby :  this is about him too. He wants you to have a nicer sized classic diamond and not settle for a simulant to hasten the engagement. Let him have his moment. Buy insurance when you get it, it’s not expensive and will give you peace of mind. 

Post # 22
Member
3050 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Well a diamond is going to be harder at 10 on the hardness scale than a sapphire or moissanite (though they are considerably hard as well on the scale). So, from a damaged standpoint, you shouldn’t be as worried with a diamond. Others already pointed out insuring it.

As for setting, a reputable jeweler and a well made setting shouldn’t pose a huge concern for the center stone falling out. I suggest you talk to your jeweler if you’re concerned about it.

So, it’s sounding like…really you main issue is the time it’s taking him to acquire the type of diamond he wants to which is postponing your engagement. Honestly, I think as you’ve already stated…he’s compromised and made you a part of it in having the setting you want. So, sounds like you need to let him handle the stone (it’s not like you wanted a blue stone and he is preventing that…all the stones point to you preferring a white stone except the morganite which would be 7.5 hardness).

So, why are you concerned with the timeline of engagement? Is there issues with him saving for the stone? Would it benefit for you to contribute to the ring cost? Is it just the issues of the perfect spec preventing him? How long have you been together and where are you both willing to compromise in terms of your timelines. You know he is actively trying to get the ring to engage so…it’s hard for me to say put further pressure on it. I would probably let him take care of it as he wants so he has a part in it.

Post # 24
Member
3050 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

sakirby :  Well, if that’s the case..I think you just need to have a talk about your concerns, about the original timeline between you being pushed, and about re-establishing what is going on. Sounds like a lot of your feelings are stemming from this not the stone. So, time to have some communication. :] See if it’s really ring related or other things preventing him from getting things moving.

What was his reason originally for the push and why awhile more? If he’s saying it’s the specs, maybe you can help with that by making him actively get advice from certain jewelers (james allen is highly recommended on here) or scouting some boards with a lot of knowledge on diamonds (some on here will probably be able to advise).

Post # 25
Member
6603 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

sakirby :  Any chance he’d be okay with getting engaged without the actual ring?  I mean it’s not like it’s the law or something that you have to have it immediately.  So you can be engaged and waiting on the ring and meanwhile start planning the future.  

Post # 26
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper

Unless he’s a jerk and his instance is a red flag of a bigger problem then let him buy you the diamond, insure it and wear it all the time with delight. 

Post # 28
Member
1716 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I think you’ll have to accept the diamond over another choice. You will be fine. Establish a few places you take your ring off (bowl on the counter, bowl by your bed) and never vary from it.

In perspecive, a round .7 diamond (G, VS2, Excellent cut) should be under $4000 for top of the line (earth mined). If you are looking for something less expensive, but still an honest to goodness diamond (pure carbon) to satisfy him, go with lab-grown one. Diamond Foundry is the big seller and their prices have come way down. Diamond Foundry has a .91 c round (G, SI1 for $2821). Maybe that would make you more confortable.

Earth-mined: http://highperformancediamonds.com/shop/g/HPD8258/?shop=yes

Lab-grown: https://www.diamondfoundry.com/item/round-cut-diamond-0-910-carat-g-white-si1-clarity-15556/

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