(Closed) BFF Betrayal wedding sabotage (advice)

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 33
Member
7533 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Sapphire_Queen: She made an obligation to stand up with you on your wedding day, not the day before. A rehearsal is not important and it is not something worth ending a friendship over. I think you are being unreasonable. If she can make it for the wedding then why are you making this into such a drama? Be happy for your friend as it seems like she is the only one trying to make this work and compromise. 

Post # 34
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Sapphire_Queen:  When she says she’d need to cut her honeymoon short to arrive the day before your wedding – when is she coming back? Your wedding day? I would think she would’ve delayed her honeymoon until after your wedding to avoid such tight schedules.

I think you did the right thing. You can’t risk there being the slightest flight delay and her running into the wedding late or just not showing up.  

Then you would also have the problem if she didn’t feel well enough when landing to whisked away to your wedding…

Question, Is she still invited to your wedding as a general guest? Or did you make it is so she won’t be attending your wedding at all? I think it’d be best to keep an invitation open for her.

Post # 35
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee

I’m so frustrated for you!

Post # 38
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

That’s bullshit!!! I wouldn’t give an F and any rational “I should try to work around it” shit would go out the window. I’m usually pretty mature and rational about things and HATE the drama but that’s just WRONG of her. If it was a cousin or another friend who wasn’t a BRIDESMAID I’d be like ok whatever , but if this happened to me I’d be pissed. 5 days BEfORE the wedding she’s IN and that youve  been planning?? Ridiculous. I would never do this to friend, ever. I wouldn’t do mine unless it was at Least a Month or so before or after. She made a commitment to you as your friend to be your bridesmaid and I’d feel like she didn’t care about that if shes bitching your wedding,which was FIRST that’s she’s known about for who knows how long is going to “interfere” with her honeymoon. Nonsense

Post # 39
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’m always very suprised by the reaction people have to posts like this. I understand that your wedding will not be incredibly important to everyone and that everyone can do that they want and your wedding does not dominate the entire year, etc. Maybe I’m selfish..but I would be PISSED. Not to mention that if someone is your best friend they should support you, which it does not sound like this girl is. I cannot be the only one who is confused by wedding rules can I?? There are ‘rules’ about how envelopes should be addressed and who should recieve one or be a plus one,  but no rule stipulating that no one swoops in and disrupts your wedding plans by planning their own wedding RIGHT before yours?

Post # 40
Member
465 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I say she’s being shady. She can have her wedding whenever she wants but to ask you to change your timeline and move things for her honeymoon is too much considering she already obligated herself to being there. I can understand not wanting her to fly in on the day. If she gets stuck in a storm or a delay and misses the wedding, it’s sad if she’s a guest. It’s worse if she’s actually in tthe wedding.

I think you did the right thing by telling her she should just be a guest, that way she can focus on her own wedding and you don’t have to deal with any more drama around it. For some reason I have a sneaking feeling that this would only be the beginning… As you both get closer there would be more issues. 

 

Post # 41
Member
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@Sapphire_Queen:  I can totally understand why you are angry and frustrated and I would be too.  But I don’t think it’s worth the effort to be so upset about her missing the rehearsal- it’s not worth it.  Rehearsals aren’t very important and often times someone in the bridal party can’t make it.  I think while what your friend did is rude and pretty messed up, whether she is at a rehearsal dinner or not isn’t worth a friendship.  Sorry you are dealing with this OP! Try to take the high road- the day you get married you will be happy you won’t waste a second with it.  Try focusing on all the positive and happy parts of the wedding 🙂

Post # 42
Member
1919 posts
Buzzing bee

I see why you’re mad. She’s trying to squeeze both her wedding AND honeymoon in the five days before she accepted to be in a wedding in another state?! Rude. Cut her ass out of the wedding, wish her well on hers, and get yourself someone who is ACTUALLY your best friend to share the day with you.

Not to mention, you said she “begged” to be in your wedding? Best friends don’t have to beg to be in weddings, it’s already a given….

Post # 43
Member
3073 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

I love reading the Bridesmads* board, that’s where I go for shows that require popcorn.

Like a poster mentioned upthread, it’s likely this Scarlet person just didn’t think about or  understand the logistics of bridesmaiding and holding her own wedding within a few days of one another. While it is a form of thoughtlessness, it is likely not intended to be  mean or purposefully hurtful. That is not nearly as interesting as the motives ascribed to her, though. Love the drama.

 

*This was originally a typo but I decided to keep it, I kinda like that name for the board.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 44
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

10 – 20 years from now, when you’re married to you man, and you have your life and kids, are you going to think that the stress you’re putting yourselves through now was worth it? Was your friendship worth it?

Now, it’s painful, it’s immediate, it stressful, it’s important.

Later, there will be more important things in your life than what your friend did to you. 

I’m not saying you’re right or wrong in how you’re acting and what you’re saying.

I just hope you can take a good minute or two to really think about the future.

I hope everything works out for the best for you and yours. Smile

Post # 45
Member
296 posts
Helper bee

I was recently put in a similar position because of one of my FSILs… My opinion is she knew what day was yours, and she, as a friend, should have been kind enough to respect you had your date chosen first, and choosing any date that would be conflicting is not being respectful… Just my opinion.

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