Post # 32
Thank you Every one for the advice. I just would like to give alittle bit more information about the situation. When I originally wrote this topic I was furious (I’m still alittle mad) I really wanted to know what others would do before I did something drastic like told her I never wanted to see her again. Onward to the back story. When My suppose to be friend told me her date I was sad and expressed it. I told her that was the day I would fly out home. I have a ton of appointments (Florist, event planner, cake baker, pre W photo shoot, ect)especially since I been planning my wedding out of state. Not only that my Fiances graduation is the day of her wedding, I think if I were to go to her wedding miss my appointments and his graduation that would be totally shady! She seemed calm and was really quite. Then she says “I’m short a bridesmaid”. I told her I understood but it was so sudden and I had plans in motion before I knew she was getting married (Totally true!). She continued asking could I fly up for the day then fly out home. I really considered it until I thought about all I had to do and realized it was not realistic with all I had to do. So after much thought I told her I couldn’t make it. Then later that I was going over the time line the bridesmaids had. I asked her can you be there the day before the wedding. Then that is when she told me she didn’t know. I would be asking her to cut her honeymoon short. Then she followed with the other crazy responses such as I need to understand her expenses, I’m being selfish, I can’t even be in her wedding, I’m not the only bride, and all of the other trips she has to take to NYC and Hawaii. That is when I was outraged! I was very sensitive, thought of the words I said before I said them although I was mad I kept myself calm as I could. My final response to her was I think you have alot of things going on. Maybe this isn’t the best think for you know. I’m going to call the dress maker to see what we can do about refunding your money . I have alot to deal with with my own wedding (my inlaws hate me and my family because of my race )in its self I don’t need her not showing up for the wedding last minute. Then she was like I’m really disappointed in you blah blah blah (and what was I chopped liver she was rude). I haven’t talked to her since and I think thats a good thing for now. I’m still mad and distance will be good.
Also to answer some questions about Mrs. Scarlet:
She knew when my wedding was it has been in the works for a year
She could have chosen other dates but didn’t;she told me others were available.
May has no importance to her. She was not engaged in it nor did she meet her current fiance during it, and no ones birthday is that day.
Her reasoning for making it so close we didn’t want to wait anymore (P.S shes not pregnant)
May is important to me (I met my fiance in the month we started dating in that month) also my wedding date (the date is my favorit uncles B Day) and We like the idea of new beginings which is why we chose spring.
And finally we she and I had a talk in SEPT if she could really make it to my wedding. I told her if she couldn’t this would be the time I would not be mad. She reassured me she could do it at any cost. Another reason why I’m mad we talked about this in depth prior to this.
Post # 33
@Sapphire_Queen: She made an obligation to stand up with you on your wedding day, not the day before. A rehearsal is not important and it is not something worth ending a friendship over. I think you are being unreasonable. If she can make it for the wedding then why are you making this into such a drama? Be happy for your friend as it seems like she is the only one trying to make this work and compromise.
Post # 34
@Sapphire_Queen: When she says she’d need to cut her honeymoon short to arrive the day before your wedding – when is she coming back? Your wedding day? I would think she would’ve delayed her honeymoon until after your wedding to avoid such tight schedules.
I think you did the right thing. You can’t risk there being the slightest flight delay and her running into the wedding late or just not showing up.
Then you would also have the problem if she didn’t feel well enough when landing to whisked away to your wedding…
Question, Is she still invited to your wedding as a general guest? Or did you make it is so she won’t be attending your wedding at all? I think it’d be best to keep an invitation open for her.
Post # 35
I’m so frustrated for you!
Post # 36
@j_jaye: Maybe you don’t understand the magnitude of having to fly in and her basic lies you tell your friend. (no harm intended) If this was a man doing this to a girl everyone would be upset becase they broke a mutual obligation they had. I don’t think its much different. What would I look like trying to hold off for her and she doesn’t show for the wedding. The day before is too close for comfort when she knew of this event. I actually had alot of things to still do besides the rehersal that she was suppose to help with. And also she never said anywhere in this fight that she would be there the day of so that in my book was a red flag! Not being even able to show up the day before never a good idea. Flights take time, people are tired after flights, and she needs to be there the day of doing alot of things. If you lived in the city of the wedding thats different but shes coming miles upon miles away.
Post # 37
@JessicaJupiter: No shes still invited to the wedding lol I just thought her being a bridesmaid would be the best choice with what she shown and told me.
Post # 38
That’s bullshit!!! I wouldn’t give an F and any rational “I should try to work around it” shit would go out the window. I’m usually pretty mature and rational about things and HATE the drama but that’s just WRONG of her. If it was a cousin or another friend who wasn’t a BRIDESMAID I’d be like ok whatever , but if this happened to me I’d be pissed. 5 days BEfORE the wedding she’s IN and that youve been planning?? Ridiculous. I would never do this to friend, ever. I wouldn’t do mine unless it was at Least a Month or so before or after. She made a commitment to you as your friend to be your bridesmaid and I’d feel like she didn’t care about that if shes bitching your wedding,which was FIRST that’s she’s known about for who knows how long is going to “interfere” with her honeymoon. Nonsense
Post # 39
I’m always very suprised by the reaction people have to posts like this. I understand that your wedding will not be incredibly important to everyone and that everyone can do that they want and your wedding does not dominate the entire year, etc. Maybe I’m selfish..but I would be PISSED. Not to mention that if someone is your best friend they should support you, which it does not sound like this girl is. I cannot be the only one who is confused by wedding rules can I?? There are ‘rules’ about how envelopes should be addressed and who should recieve one or be a plus one, but no rule stipulating that no one swoops in and disrupts your wedding plans by planning their own wedding RIGHT before yours?
Post # 40
I say she’s being shady. She can have her wedding whenever she wants but to ask you to change your timeline and move things for her honeymoon is too much considering she already obligated herself to being there. I can understand not wanting her to fly in on the day. If she gets stuck in a storm or a delay and misses the wedding, it’s sad if she’s a guest. It’s worse if she’s actually in tthe wedding.
I think you did the right thing by telling her she should just be a guest, that way she can focus on her own wedding and you don’t have to deal with any more drama around it. For some reason I have a sneaking feeling that this would only be the beginning… As you both get closer there would be more issues.
Post # 41
@Sapphire_Queen: I can totally understand why you are angry and frustrated and I would be too. But I don’t think it’s worth the effort to be so upset about her missing the rehearsal- it’s not worth it. Rehearsals aren’t very important and often times someone in the bridal party can’t make it. I think while what your friend did is rude and pretty messed up, whether she is at a rehearsal dinner or not isn’t worth a friendship. Sorry you are dealing with this OP! Try to take the high road- the day you get married you will be happy you won’t waste a second with it. Try focusing on all the positive and happy parts of the wedding 🙂
Post # 42
I see why you’re mad. She’s trying to squeeze both her wedding AND honeymoon in the five days before she accepted to be in a wedding in another state?! Rude. Cut her ass out of the wedding, wish her well on hers, and get yourself someone who is ACTUALLY your best friend to share the day with you.
Not to mention, you said she “begged” to be in your wedding? Best friends don’t have to beg to be in weddings, it’s already a given….
Post # 43
I love reading the Bridesmads* board, that’s where I go for shows that require popcorn.
Like a poster mentioned upthread, it’s likely this Scarlet person just didn’t think about or understand the logistics of bridesmaiding and holding her own wedding within a few days of one another. While it is a form of thoughtlessness, it is likely not intended to be mean or purposefully hurtful. That is not nearly as interesting as the motives ascribed to her, though. Love the drama.
*This was originally a typo but I decided to keep it, I kinda like that name for the board.
Post # 44
10 – 20 years from now, when you’re married to you man, and you have your life and kids, are you going to think that the stress you’re putting yourselves through now was worth it? Was your friendship worth it?
Now, it’s painful, it’s immediate, it stressful, it’s important.
Later, there will be more important things in your life than what your friend did to you.
I’m not saying you’re right or wrong in how you’re acting and what you’re saying.
I just hope you can take a good minute or two to really think about the future.
I hope everything works out for the best for you and yours.
Post # 45
I was recently put in a similar position because of one of my FSILs… My opinion is she knew what day was yours, and she, as a friend, should have been kind enough to respect you had your date chosen first, and choosing any date that would be conflicting is not being respectful… Just my opinion.