(Closed) BFF Didn't congratulate me on wedding day. Do I confront her?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
2097 posts
Buzzing bee

Is she possibly more upset than you realized about not be invited/included in the wedding? Maybe she was trying to put on a brave face about it and not upset you, but when the time came realized she was very upset. Possibly she is trying not to upset by letting you know she is upset and therefore staying very quiet on the whole topic…. but creatiing a different issue in the process. 

Post # 3
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Hmm.. that’s strange. Maybe she was a bit upset about not coming to your wedding but tried to pretend she was happy for your choice about haing family only? Sometimes people can seem standoff-ish to try to cover their feelings a little?

Post # 4
Member
4235 posts
Honey bee

Maybe shes disappointed she wasnt invited.

Post # 5
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015 - The Victorian

View original reply
harcil19:  I’m just trying to put myself in her shoes. If I was truly someone’s “bff” and I wasn’t invited to their wedding, I would be upset. It’s your right to have a small wedding, but she’s entitled to her feelings as well. Maybe she thought she was ok with it, but on the actual day she felt sad about it. I would if it were me.

Post # 6
Member
1565 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I agree with the PP that she may be more upset than she realized she would be. I know I would be. I’m planning an intimate wedding with mostly only family, but do plan to invite my best friend and my FI’s inviting his. Maybe she hoped you’d do something similar with your wedding?

Post # 7
Member
1255 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Agree with everyone above. If I were your “BFF” I would expect an invite to your small wedding. I would be sad that you didn’t feel I was important enough to share it with you. And I probably wouldn’t bring it up, but I’m not sure I’d be bouncing off the walls to wish you congratulations on a day I wasn’t included in.

Post # 8
Member
1165 posts
Bumble bee

LOL I could be brutal, but you seem cool and would take this in stride. 

So, she’s your BFF.  Did she congratulate you for your engagement?  Was she there to listen to your wedding planning, even a little?  My point is that, after a while of the same topic (wedding), you get kinda numb about it to a point of forgetting about it.  I mean she already know you got engaged (hopefully she congratulated you) and that it led to marriage. 

🙂 Give her a break.  She obviously had a lousy weekend and she’s still feeling blue about her car mishpa.  She asked for photos of your, that should be a cue to give her details like how it went, and what went on.  Do you really need the giggly, happy teenage cues?  Can you just give her the exciting details without her going into squeeling? 

Post # 9
Member
2127 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

You didn’t invite your best friend to your wedding? Even after you were her maid of honour? I’d be so upset!

Let things cool off and talk to her. Sounds like she may have something to say about it too. 

Post # 10
Member
1624 posts
Bumble bee

I would be a bit hurt if my very best friend excluded me from her wedding and reception, but later the same day invited me to watch sports events. She wanted you around for every step of her wedding, but wasn’t any part of yours. My guess is that she told you she was happy for you and yours plans for a family only wedding, but said that to make you happy and thus stayed away saturday because she really wasn’t all that cool with it.

Or maybe a wedding card for you is in the mail. 

Post # 11
Member
555 posts
Busy bee

I would consider my BFF as family and invite her to a small wedding too…and the fact that you were her Maid/Matron of Honor shows that she cares about you, but she is probably a bit pissed that she wasn’t invited…which is undertandable for a BFF..

Post # 12
Member
1978 posts
Buzzing bee

She could very well have her feelings hurt. But you should approach her on it, to clarify and avoid any resentment on either of your parts. Don’t accuse her of not caring or anything, just say something like, “I know the wedding was small and you weren’t able to be invited, and that was tough. But I wanted to just bring it up to see if there was anything you wanted to talk about.” Leave it open ended for her.

Post # 13
Member
58 posts
Worker bee

I have to be honest, if I were your BFF and was not invited to your wedding/dinner, I would feel crushed like I didn’t really mean that much to you, or something.  I know that’s not the case from your perspective but walking in another’s shoes, that’s how I would feel.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by  BeeSomebody.
Post # 15
Member
2445 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

If I were her, I would probably say something passive like that too, just asking to see pictures. She’s probably biting her tongue about not being included and not trying to take away from this exciting time for you. You could approach it like 

View original reply
somethingbee:, but even then maybe just wait a few days and see if she brings it up first.

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