Bff engaged a year after me. Scheduling wedding before mine.

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I had a 6 month engagement. 2 close friends were engaged for at least a year before me and aren’t married yet, 6 months after my wedding. Another got engaged the same weekend as me and will get married next summer (2 year engagement). They were all happy for me getting engaged and getting married. Their long engagements didn’t require mine to be long. 

Post # 32
Member
378 posts
Helper bee

6 months is a crazy short amount of time to be getting engaged, especially after getting out of a long term relationship. It’s not like this dude is making an exception by marrying her right away. Did the same with his ex, after all.

I don’t think a good friend would just happily go along with that without at least trying to say something.

That being said, your concern about it being close to your wedding is selfish.

Post # 33
Member
234 posts
Helper bee

You chose to have a long engagement, she chose to have a shorter one. You can hardly expect everyone who got engaged after you to form an orderly queue and wait until your long engagement is over to move on with their lives. 

Post # 34
Member
606 posts
Busy bee

If you were genuinely worried about her, considering she hasn’t know this guy all that long, then I might understand you a bit. Mind you, it is still her decision to make, and fine to get married early in a relationship.

 

What her upcoming wedding has to do with your wedding, I fail to understand. What on earth are you planning to confront her about I wonder?

Post # 35
Member
4394 posts
Honey bee

Confront her.  She deserves to know exactly what kind of a selfish, judgmental person is in her life so she can make an informed decision about whether that person should continue to have any place in her life or move on and cut them out (hopefully).

Team Honesty all the way!  People deserve to know exactly who they are dealing with.

Post # 36
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Unless she’s done it all just to piss you off, what on earth is there to be so hurt by? And what do the lengths of other people’s relationships or their age gaps have to do with anyone or anything?  

Ask yourself why you can’t just be happy for your friends without turning it into a drama or mking it all about you….

Post # 37
Member
57 posts
Worker bee

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Post # 38
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Why do brides think everyone else has to “wait their turn” to get married? Just because you selected your date, it doesn’t mean no one else can get married within that same timeframe. She doesn’t have to wait. You chose a long engagement. Certainly, you must have been aware that life would go on for others around you, and there would be the possibility that someone else would get married before you, or close in time. She is not obligated to wait for your wedding to plan her own. Also, how much “stress” is this going to cause you, even if she does ask you to be in it? You put on a dress and attend. You aren’t planning her wedding. 

 

Additionally, it’s quite obvious you are only using these “issues” that aren’t your business to validate you wanting to stay in the spotlight. He’s older, he’s divorced, they haven’t known each other long enough… Really all of that is a smoke screen for you being upset that she didn’t wait until you were done being the bride of the moment. Go ahead and be upset and have your pity party, but get over it and don’t expect a good reaction if you do decide to confront her (for whatever bizarre reason you think this merits a confrontation).

Post # 39
Member
11807 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

If walking down an aisle and standing up for twenty minutes a month before your own wedding would stress you out to this degree, then I suggest you turn down the offer of any recognition or honors. 

Being concerned about your friend’s rush and timing for her own sake is one thing. But you are being ridiculous. 

Post # 40
Member
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

My husband’s cousin got engaged after us but got married before us.  Did I have a twinge of jealousy because we decided on a longer engagement for various reasons?  Yes… but only a fleeting thing because their timetable wasn’t dependent on ours!  And of course I never would’ve said anything because it didn’t matter!  I was more happy for his cousin and we sent them a card and gift (they had a smaller wedding out of state, so they didn’t invite a lot of people).  Since we had a larger wedding, we definitely invited them and they came to celebrate.

They got married the date that worked for them.  So did we.  We were all happy for each other because that’s what you’re supposed to do with people you care about.

I think other PPs have sound feedback and you should really consider.  You could lose a friend out of this – is it worth it?

Post # 41
Member
953 posts
Busy bee

crf2018 :  one of my close friends started dating just before I got engaged. 6 months later, she got engaged and will be married before me. I was a bit overwhelmed for few days, then I moved on. Know why? Because she’s my close friend and her happiness matters to me. She loves her fiancé and they’ll be great together. We’re across the hemisphere. I’m going to her wedding without my SO while they’re intending to attend my wedding. All well ends well. If you’d rather lose a friend than gaining one, confront her. Else, deal with it and then congratulate her.

Post # 42
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee

crf2018 :  You don’t confront your friend at all because you WILL sound selfish.  Your decision to have a long engagement doesn’t mean that others have to put their lives on hold.  I started dating my husband and got engaged in the period of my one friend’s engagement.  THey had a long engagement because her husband was on a job assignment overseas.  She was thrilled when I got engaged and didn’t show any jealousy at all when I got married before her.

You sound really petty and if my friend acted like you are, I’d reconsider my friendship.  The fact that you want to “confront” her about this is awful.

Post # 43
Member
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

There is nothing to confront her about. Her life, including her wedding should not have to revolve around you in any way. It is actually you who sounds like a poor and judgemental friend in your post.

Post # 44
Member
7377 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

You seriously think she is so desperate to get married that she’ll just settle down with anyone to make sure she ties the knot before you?

You’re the one who wanted a two year engagement. If you wanted to beat people to the altar, you could have chosen a shorter engagement. 

 

Post # 45
Member
2971 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2006

This isn’t a Lifetime movie. People don’t make life altering decisions for anyone but themselves. You’re reading too much into it IMO. My best friend got engaged around the time I did, and planned her wedding a couple months before mine. No big deal. We did everything together and made it fun and I had someone to talk to about things no one else cared about! Look at it as a positive and quit being selfish.

I’m also not sure why the history of their relationship and his prior relationship is relevant. Sounds like you’re not supportive of them, which might be the reason why you’re being judgemental in the first place. A quick engagement and marriage is stealing your thunder and you don’t think it’ll last anyway, right? That’s the real issue here. 

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