BFF is having a family only wedding. Do I have to buy a gift for her?

posted 2 years ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: Would you buy her a gift?

    Yes, with a card and gift.

    No

    Yes, send her a card but no gift.

    No, be petty and send her a card with all the year long services you did for her as the gift.

  • Post # 2
    Member
    1137 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

    Oh maaaaaan. I would be livid. 

    On one hand, she did say she didn’t want to have a MOH/bridesmaids, but I can see why you would think you’d at least be invited, simply because she’s been your “BFF of over 10 years”. That being said, I find it so odd that she didn’t mention it would be family only. That NEVER came up? Fishy.

    If it were me, I would take the (semi) high road, and send her a card and SMALL gift so that she doesn’t hate you. Maybe $50, tops. I see this as some serious disrespect.

    Post # 4
    Member
    449 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    It sounds like she took advantage of you. It wasn’t unreasonable to assume you’d be invited to the wedding. If I was her, I’d be deeply uncomfortable with all the work you were putting in if I wasn’t planning on inviting you.

    Honestly, I’d probably just skip sending her a gift and re-evaluate the merit of the friendship. Has she always been like this or is this behavior a new thing?

    Have you talked to her about this?

    Post # 5
    Member
    449 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    View original reply
    mrswannabemomma :  I was wondering that, too!

    Post # 7
    Member
    9396 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2016

    I wouldn’t send a gift. Your gift was your time and support and the party.  You were a good friend. It’s her turn to be a good friend and not expect a gift when she hasn’t invited you.

    Post # 8
    Member
    267 posts
    Helper bee

    View original reply
    familyonlyweddinghelp :  Hahaha ok, I figured, I definitely wouldn’t give a gift, maybe a card, but honestly do you see this friendship as worth it for you? Or does it feel one sided? I would talk to her if she is a close friend and you want to continue the friendship and explain how you feel, and that you are hurt you weren’t invited especially after helping with so much of the wedding. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    2763 posts
    Sugar bee

    You have every right to be upset, I would be too in this situation. 

    If I were you and I wanted to preserve the friendship, I’d send a card wishing her congratulations, but no gift. You’ve done more than enough already. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    2522 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    View original reply
    familyonlyweddinghelp :  Funny, I was also kind of wondering if this had somethign to do with the other thread. 

    If she knew from the beginning that this was family only and withheld that info from you so you’d help create her DIY wedding I’d be f’ing pissed and probably reconsidering the friendship. I know that wasn’t your question though- I would definitely not get her a gift. Send a nice card if you’d like, but even that doesn’t seem necessary in this scenario. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    351 posts
    Helper bee

    Given her behaviour in the past, i think you’ve done more than enough already. I wouldn’t send a gift. I would consider a card but even that seems undeserved. It seems like you are putting more into the friendship than she is, which isn’t cool in my books!

    Post # 14
    Member
    588 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2019

    Definitely don’t send her a gift. Send a dollar store card/folded piece of construction paper reading, “Sally, I wish you and Bobby will enjoy your wedding celebrations! I hope the Centerpieces, welcome signs, programs, invitations, are all to your liking!”

    Post # 15
    Member
    1037 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2019

    I say no gift for sure, and also I think you should be honest with her about how you feel you were taken advantage of. That was so tactless on her end to wait that long to tell you after you’d helped with all that planning! And I think she should be called out… though I know how risky that is too, especially if you want to stay friends.

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