Post # 1
Keeping this short because I need some Bees opinons.
My BFF of over 10 years got engaged a little over a year ago but began to plan her wedding a year ago. She told me she’s not having any Maid/Matron of Honor or bridesmaids as she wanted to make the wedding as simple and cheap as possible. As she’s my best friend and I’m hers and I love her dearly, I took on the Maid/Matron of Honor duties anyways. Her ENTIRE WEDDING is DIY.
For the last year I have been spending my weekends with her doing DIY projects for her big day. I was there for her to vent about wedding issues. I was her emotional support during the wedding stress. I even spent my own money throwing her a bach. party.
She never told me she was having a family only wedding. I assumed I was going to be invited, so that’s why I helped her out for over a year.
Just recently we finished every DIY project so she sent out the invites. When I didn’t get mine she let me know it was family only to save money.
I AM SO ANGRY!
If she told me in the beginging she was only having family, I would be upset but I would understand—it’s cheaper and family only is more intimate. I would have NOT wasted my weekends helping her with all her DIY stuff and even wasted my own money on a bach. party.
I feel like she knew I wouldn’t have done any of these things if I wasn’t going to be present at her wedding, so she didn’t tell me until I finished helping her out for a year.
I’m mad. I’m hurt. I feel like she took advantage of me. Apparently she was strongly considering the family only wedding since the begining. Why not tell me so I don’t spend a year planning her wedding, a wedding I’m not invitied to!
I don’t know if I’m being petty but I really don’t want to waste any more time and money on her. Just the thought of buying her a 100+ dollar gift after a year of free labor and a bach party is just frustrating.
I do want to preserve this friendship. I don’t think she’s a bad person she’s just cheap. Do I HAVE to buy her a gift? Or is this free labor my fault because I didn’t think to ask my decade long best friend if I’m invited to her wedding?
Bees I need help! What would you do? 🙁
Post # 2
- Wedding: August 2019 - City, State
Oh maaaaaan. I would be livid.
On one hand, she did say she didn’t want to have a MOH/bridesmaids, but I can see why you would think you’d at least be invited, simply because she’s been your “BFF of over 10 years”. That being said, I find it so odd that she didn’t mention it would be family only. That NEVER came up? Fishy.
If it were me, I would take the (semi) high road, and send her a card and SMALL gift so that she doesn’t hate you. Maybe $50, tops. I see this as some serious disrespect.
Post # 3
Post # 4
It sounds like she took advantage of you. It wasn’t unreasonable to assume you’d be invited to the wedding. If I was her, I’d be deeply uncomfortable with all the work you were putting in if I wasn’t planning on inviting you.
Honestly, I’d probably just skip sending her a gift and re-evaluate the merit of the friendship. Has she always been like this or is this behavior a new thing?
Have you talked to her about this?
Post # 5
I was wondering that, too!
Post # 6
Hahahaha no! I just looked through that thread after I posted this one. She decided family only to save money. No tradegies.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t send a gift. Your gift was your time and support and the party. You were a good friend. It’s her turn to be a good friend and not expect a gift when she hasn’t invited you.
Post # 8
Hahaha ok, I figured, I definitely wouldn’t give a gift, maybe a card, but honestly do you see this friendship as worth it for you? Or does it feel one sided? I would talk to her if she is a close friend and you want to continue the friendship and explain how you feel, and that you are hurt you weren’t invited especially after helping with so much of the wedding.
Post # 9
You have every right to be upset, I would be too in this situation.
If I were you and I wanted to preserve the friendship, I’d send a card wishing her congratulations, but no gift. You’ve done more than enough already.
Post # 10
She’s the type to order extra food and then ask to split the bill when you got a salad and water and she got apps and a main and drinks. I always say no. When we take road trips together she doesn’t chip in for gas until I let her know we’re not moving from the gas station until she gets her card out. I never let her take advantage of me financially. She knows I don’t stand for that.
Being cheap has been her identity to say the least.
So I’m just so shocked she would just do this. I honestly feel like she just pulled the rug from me and this entire time she was using me.
There’s a really big difference between stringing someone along for a year for favors vs having me pay extra for gas or food. I don’t know if she’s always been this BAD. This honestly has been a GIANT leap from the stuff she pulls.
I know weddings bring the worst out in people, I don’t know if this is her showing her true face or she just messed up bad.
I am def. rethinking our friendship. I hate that we’ve been through so much stuff over the last decade. She’s been someone I can lean on for support in tough times but yikes. It’s not an easy black and white decision to make.
Post # 11
In response to whether I talked to her about it. I let her know I was upset I was not invited but haven’t yet shown her my distain for the year long free help.
I feel like it’s my fault partially for opening up my free time to help her in expectation of getting an invite.
Post # 12
Funny, I was also kind of wondering if this had somethign to do with the other thread.
If she knew from the beginning that this was family only and withheld that info from you so you’d help create her DIY wedding I’d be f’ing pissed and probably reconsidering the friendship. I know that wasn’t your question though- I would definitely not get her a gift. Send a nice card if you’d like, but even that doesn’t seem necessary in this scenario.
Post # 13
Given her behaviour in the past, i think you’ve done more than enough already. I wouldn’t send a gift. I would consider a card but even that seems undeserved. It seems like you are putting more into the friendship than she is, which isn’t cool in my books!
Post # 14
Definitely don’t send her a gift. Send a dollar store card/folded piece of construction paper reading, “Sally, I wish you and Bobby will enjoy your wedding celebrations! I hope the Centerpieces, welcome signs, programs, invitations, are all to your liking!”
Post # 15
I say no gift for sure, and also I think you should be honest with her about how you feel you were taken advantage of. That was so tactless on her end to wait that long to tell you after you’d helped with all that planning! And I think she should be called out… though I know how risky that is too, especially if you want to stay friends.