Post # 31
familyonlyweddinghelp : So let me get this straight. She knew from the beginning that she was inviting family only and never told you. Allowed you to help her through a year of planning and still said nothing! Had a chance to tell you before/when the invites went out but nope…..didn’t tell you then either and just waited for you to figure it out. Let’s be clear….you EARNED an invite but you are not considered family enough to attend her wedding. There were family member who haven’t done a thing…..and they’re invited??
Bee let that sit with you a while. I think you know the answer to your own question. And for the record, yes she did take advantage but at the same time….this was no character flaw you were unaware of. You’ve known this girl for 10 years, you knew what she was like but never got the downside of it until now. Hopefully you’ve learned a lesson about what “friend” really means.
Post # 32
So, if you knew she was having a family only wedding, you would have refused to help your best friend? If that’s the case, it sounds kind of crappy to me.
It sucks she didn’t tell you and you spent all this time on the wedding. I’d probably send a gift regardless, because she’s my friend, but I would probably still be hurt about the sitution.
Post # 33
no i wouldnt give a gift, your gift was helpng her plan a wedding for a year and throwing her a bach. party. Your not an invited guest, so i cant see why she would ever expect a gift from you.
Post # 34
Okay thanks bees I think I will just cut her out of my life.
I really thought hard about your responses and it made me realize this isn’t the type of person I would want at my wedding. Let alone around me.
I’m going to send her a card with a bill for the bach. party I threw for her and a detailed page of everything I have done and all the weekends I gave up helping her plan her wedding and how much it would of cost for her to hire someone to do her DIY crap. I’ll buy some custom mug with the words “it’s not nice to use people”.
That’ll be her present. I’m tired of this girl continually trying to use people financially and this time she really has done it. I am done with this friendship.
Post # 35
best thread outcome ever.
Post # 36
going2bmrsc : yes!
” I’ll buy some custom mug with the words “it’s not nice to use people”. “
familyonlyweddinghelp : AWESOME!
Post # 37
familyonlyweddinghelp : Pu-leeeeease tell us how this works out. I’ll be sitting waiting with popcorn. You go girl!!!
Post # 38
- Wedding: December 2018 - City, State
I don’t think it’s petty to not send a gift you gave her a Bach party and lots of free help.
A card and that’s all!
Post # 39
Deciding to have a family only wedding in order to save money does NOT make someone cheap. Average cost of a wedding in U.S. Is $28000, far more than many can afford. So bucking societal pressure and having a truly small wedding is financially responsible, not CHEAP.
That said, a small wedding is best kept quiet and done quickly before tons of people find out and start to take it as a personal insult that they are not invited. Your friend was wrong to let you offer so much help and then not invite you.
Post # 40
after reading your story, i really understand your disappointment. she should’ve said it was a family only wedding ceremony but instead she took advantage of your friendship and decided to stay quiet which resulted in you spending your one year helping everything out without even being invited to the ceremony. i really do feel that she can actually squeezed you in to the wedding after all things you had done, but still she decided not too, which is very rude in my opinion. you should actually call her out and ask personally why did she decided to do that, but just don’t go all out of your abilities now after knowing that she wouldn’t do the same
Post # 41
Post # 42
familyonlyweddinghelp : Bee it sounds like you went above and beyond to help you’re friend on her upcoming big day.. In all honesty if i were her I wouldn’t expect a gift because of all the wonderful things you have already done for her is a gift it’s self… You sound like a wonderful person who just wanted to be there for her BFF! I am going to say this with a heavy heart but it sounds like this friend is using you 🙁 for all that you have done , I think it’s best you send her a card wishing her well and a heartfelt messaging saying how happy you were to help her with the DIY’s and her bach party and leave it at that. I also like you’re idea about the custom mug and to end you’re friendship.. You deserve wayyy better than this! xo feel better bee
Post # 43
orangeblossomhoney : I wouldn’t sent her a gift either. I would do what orangeblossomhoney suggested as it is perfect. You didn’t have to help her all year but you did it anyways as a gift. Your time is worth more than money or any gift. All the people that helped set up my wedding for free didn’t gave us a gift but they did send a card to congratulate us.
Post # 44
familyonlyweddinghelp : Card only, no further gift, you gifted her your work for her wedding. She *deliberately* took advantage of you. She’s not as good a friend as you think she is….I would be reassessing the friendship of someone who used me like this. ( I would likely remain friends but she would no longer be the BFF….)
Post # 45
hell no. she clearly took advantage of you.