BFF is having a family only wedding. Do I have to buy a gift for her?

posted 2 years ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: Would you buy her a gift?
    Yes, with a card and gift. : (17 votes)
    11 %
    No : (58 votes)
    38 %
    Yes, send her a card but no gift. : (66 votes)
    43 %
    No, be petty and send her a card with all the year long services you did for her as the gift. : (13 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 31
    2071 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    View original reply
    familyonlyweddinghelp :  So let me get this straight.  She knew from the beginning that she was inviting family only and never told you.  Allowed you to help her through a year of planning and still said nothing!  Had a chance to tell you before/when the invites went out but nope…..didn’t tell you then either and just waited for you to figure it out.  Let’s be clear….you EARNED an invite but you are not considered family enough to attend her wedding.  There were family member who haven’t done a thing…..and they’re invited??

    Bee let that sit with you a while.    I think you know the answer to your own question.  And for the record, yes she did take advantage but at the same time….this was no character flaw you were unaware of.  You’ve known this girl for 10 years, you knew what she was like but never got the downside of it until now.  Hopefully you’ve learned a lesson about what “friend” really means.


    Post # 32
    13904 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    So, if you knew she was having a family only wedding, you would have refused to help your best friend?  If that’s the case, it sounds kind of crappy to me.

    It sucks she didn’t tell you and you spent all this time on the wedding.  I’d probably send a gift regardless, because she’s my friend, but I would probably still be hurt about the sitution.

    Post # 33
    1941 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    no i wouldnt give a gift, your gift was helpng her plan a wedding for a year and throwing her a bach. party. Your not an invited guest, so i cant see why she would ever expect a gift from you. 

    Post # 35
    399 posts
    Helper bee

    best thread outcome ever.

    Post # 36
    1715 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    View original reply
    going2bmrsc : yes! 


    ” I’ll buy some custom mug with the words “it’s not nice to use people”. “


    View original reply
    familyonlyweddinghelp :  AWESOME!

    Post # 37
    1662 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2019

    View original reply
    familyonlyweddinghelp :  Pu-leeeeease tell us how this works out. I’ll be sitting waiting with popcorn. You go girl!!!

    Post # 38
    571 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2018 - City, State

    I don’t think it’s petty to not send a gift you gave her a Bach party and lots of free help. 

    A card and that’s all!

    Post # 39
    1164 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Deciding to have a family only wedding in order to save money does NOT make someone cheap. Average cost of a wedding in U.S. Is $28000, far more than many can afford. So bucking societal pressure and having a truly small wedding is financially responsible, not CHEAP. 

    That said, a small wedding is best kept quiet and done quickly before tons of people find out and start to take it as a personal insult that they are not invited. Your friend was wrong to let you offer so much help and then not invite you.

    Post # 40
    70 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: March 2018

    after reading your story, i really understand your disappointment. she should’ve said it was a family only wedding ceremony but instead she took advantage of your friendship and decided to stay quiet which resulted in you spending your one year helping everything out without even being invited to the ceremony. i really do feel that she can actually squeezed you in to the wedding after all things you had done, but still she decided not too, which is very rude in my opinion. you should actually call her out and ask personally why did she decided to do that, but just don’t go all out of your abilities now after knowing that she wouldn’t do the same

    Post # 42
    927 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    View original reply
    familyonlyweddinghelp : Bee it sounds like you went above and beyond to help you’re friend on her upcoming big day.. In all honesty if i were her I wouldn’t expect a gift because of all the wonderful things you have already done for her is a gift it’s self… You sound like a wonderful person who just wanted to be there for her BFF! I am going to say this with a heavy heart but it sounds like this friend is using you ๐Ÿ™ for all that you have done , I think it’s best you send her a card wishing her well and a heartfelt messaging saying how happy you were to help her with the DIY’s and her bach party and leave it at that. I also like you’re idea about the custom mug and to end you’re friendship.. You deserve wayyy better than this! xo feel better bee   

    Post # 43
    80 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    View original reply
    orangeblossomhoney :  I wouldn’t sent her a gift either. I would do what orangeblossomhoney suggested as it is perfect. You didn’t have to help her all year but you did it anyways as a gift. Your time is worth more than money or any gift. All the people that helped set up my wedding for free didn’t gave us a gift but they did send a card to congratulate us. 

    Post # 44
    3266 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2017

    View original reply
    familyonlyweddinghelp : Card only, no further gift,  you gifted her your work for her wedding.  She *deliberately* took advantage of you.  She’s not as good a friend as you think she is….I would be reassessing the friendship of someone who used me like this. ( I would likely remain friends but she would no longer be the BFF….)

    Post # 45
    9575 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2015

    hell no. she clearly took advantage of you. 

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