(Closed) BFF Nasty Reaction to My Engagement

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
47202 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

jessicamk:  So she is an immature, jealous brat. None of that is your fault.

Post # 3
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Bizarre behavior. I also got engaged very early into my relationship…while I didn’t experience any reactions quite that strong, and close friends were supportive, a few coworkers had a lot of negative comments and questions.  I had always been skeptical of people who jumped in quickly…until I was in their shoes. When you know, you know. Maybe she’s just afraid that he’ll be taking you away from her? That she’d rather make the distance now than have to say goodbye later if you were to move or spend time in America? 

Post # 4
Member
2085 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

You know, I think she’s most definitely being immature about this, but honestly I think she is just jealous and not sure how to handle herself.  I can remember being 24/25 and seeing my friends getting engaged, married, pregnant, etc and feeling jealousy rip me up.  I’d sulk for days but was always outwardly happy for them.  And of course, after a few days I was legitimately happy. 

I think she’s probably feeling like she’s going to lose your friendship bc you may move across the ocean; feeling like you’ve fallen so fast for this man that she’s now in your past, and also she’s probably very jealous that all of these exciting things aren’t happening for her right now.

 

I agree with your family that you should distance yourself.  You don’t need the toxic vibes in your life when you’re in grad school and have a lot going on that needs your concentration.  I’d let her know that you can see that she is going through her own thing right now, that you’ll always be there for her and always will be a friend, as close of one as she’d like, but that until she’s processed whatever she’s feeling and can be around you without the hostility, you need your space. 

 

That’s how I would handle it anyways… be friendly, kind, and let her know you’re taking space until she’s ready to talk or is ready to be friendly and her normal self again.

 

Good Luck and congrats on your engagement!

Post # 5
Member
5154 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

jessicamk:  Sounds like she jealous, immature and cant stand you being happy. I’d move along. 

Post # 6
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Write her off. She is pointless at this stage of the game. You can do better with better friends. She is probably sad that her life won’t be as happy as yours.

Post # 7
Member
2318 posts
Buzzing bee

She may be immature or maybe she really has an opinion that you need to hear.  Your true friends will tell you what you need to hear no matter how much it hurts.  If you two are as close as you say you are you need to talk to her.  Let her air her greviences without a response from you. Just listen! then go home and digest.   Maybe she is just afraid of loosing you  or maybe she wants what you have.  Whatever it is try to mend it ASAP.  you will want her around when its time to plan a wedding. 

…on the other hand if she isnt a true friend, forget about her.  People grow apart every day and no need to keep someone that brings you down in you life.  

Post # 8
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Look at her behavior. She is behaving like an immature green monster. If she were truly concerned about your relationship with your Fiance, she would express her concerns without the passive-aggressiveness and snarky comments. Don’t feel bad about cutting her out of your life if that’s what you choose to do. She is not acting like a friend. 

Post # 9
Member
11613 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Lokie85:  I agree.

 

OP,  I’d ask her if there is anything she thinks you need to know. If not and she’s just being a jerk, the distance has already happened as the friendship isn’t real if she doesn’t show up. Congrats on your engagement:-) 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by  BalletParker.
Post # 10
Member
824 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Her reaction was rude, why even mention that you won’t like what she thinks? It is not like you asked her.

Anyway, congrats! You do not need to be together for a great amount of time to know. 

Post # 12
Member
2318 posts
Buzzing bee

What reason did she give for fearing for your saftey?

jessicamk:  

Post # 13
Member
12226 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Her reaction is so over the top that I wonder if she is upset by something you did or said, knows something upsetting about your Fiance or she  doesn’t like him for some legitimate reason. Maybe she thinks you abandoned her when things started to get serious with Fiance.  I would call her out on what is going on and ask for an explanation.

Of course there’s no excuse for the way she’s behaved at all.  

Post # 14
Member
3389 posts
Sugar bee

jessicamk:  To me, it sounds as though she’s jealous but also sad.  It may seem to her that she is losing her best friend to your Fiance, especially if you’re moving to America to be with him after school.  She may be lashing out as a way to deal with her jealousy/stress/anger/sadness — obviously not the correct way to deal with emotions, but that is how it came across to me.

Post # 15
Member
96 posts
Worker bee

Coming from a girl whose BFF dates a total pig (and it is one of the reasons we do not speak anymore) all this “jealousy” crap sounds so stupid.  I am sure you love the guy you just met — but you are seeing him through rose-colored glasses.  It is much easier for your BFF to see him objectively than you, and she might be seeing things she doesn’t like.  This doesn’t mean she’s jealous.  

The way the dude is my BFF dates is one thing, the way it made her act is another.  I can tell you 100% that the reason I don’t speak to her anymore isn’t about jealousy.  I had already been married for 4 years.

From my experience (not saying that your friend is absolutely right) jealousy is not the only possible answer to this story.

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