(Closed) BFF Nasty Reaction to My Engagement

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 61
Member
12031 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

jessicamk:  No one said he was. Not even your friend said that.

do you always put words in people’s mouth like this, because it’s really making me wonder what your friend actually said. 

 

Post # 63
Member
11247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

jessicamk:  “I personally do have a history of issues involving drink and violence from someone in my family, and I can tell you I was not scared whatsoever. There were a few people there when he was drunk and they were all laughing including me.”

Are you sure you are not holding Fiance to these standards by comparing him, in effect,  to this person and that his behavior could not have reasonably have been seen by someone less tolerant as aggressive? 

 

Post # 64
Member
3236 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

jessicamk:  I think trying to see from another’s perspective often IS helpful, and this is what Tinatiny is trying to help you do.

Post # 65
Member
6527 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

jessicamk:  it was so bizarre how it happened. At first she was really excited for me. That wore off quickly. Once I actually started planning she became really negstive and I brushed it off bc I thought maybe she is stressed out and takig her frustrations out on me. I called her up one day upset bc I was telling my sister we need to go look at BMs dresses and my sister was giving me a hard time about it. My friend said to me “well no one is excited to be a BM” thats when I knew that our friendship had changed but I was so far along in planning and so happy I was getting married I put thag all in the back fo my mind.

our big blow out didnt happen til a year after the wedding. I came back from my honeymoon and called her and she never answered my calls. I woukd call once a week and get one word answers from her. This is someone i spoke to daily when things were great. We went from speaking daily to maybe 1 every few months. She admitted to me that she couldnt be around me bc i was in such a good place and she wasnt. 

as of right now, we still talk, we meet uo for dinner but i wouldnt call her my best friend. we keep in touch and catch up but the truth is we are just in different places and thats ok. sometimes you grow apart and realize someones true colors

Post # 67
Member
953 posts
Busy bee

I think at some point they’ve been intimate and she thinks he’s a douche bag.  She is probably too embarrassed to tell you.

Post # 69
Member
3174 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t read it as her being jealous. I think for whatever reason she doesn’t like your fiance and that you have both just grown apart. Nothing wrong with that and not everyone has to like him. I don’t like some of my friends partners. I am *their* friend and I love and worry about them. It’s my responsibility as a friend to be honest even when that might be really hard for the both of us. You’re both young so perhaps you’ve not had many friendships that just had their time and place and then fizzled yet? At any rate you seem certain as to what you think about the situation and happy with your Fiance. Congrats on your engagement 

Post # 70
Member
373 posts
Helper bee

jessicamk:  IMO you should speak to her to see if she has a point or not. She might just be jealous, or she might know/have guessed something that you are unaware of. You two haven’t had a talk so far. But two close friends are supposed to be talking to each other. Speak to her first, and then you can cross her off your friends’ list.

Post # 71
Member
6107 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

jessicamk:  I try not to jump on the jealousy train too quickly because that just seems like a cop-out excuse. I do think that she might be upset that your friendship might be ending. If you marry this guy and move to another country, you’ll be ending your friendship and that could be causing her some pain. Especially since you haven’t known the guy for that long. She probably just feels like your choosing a guy you haven’t known that long over your friendship with her. It sounds like the friendship has become too much trouble for what it’s worth so I’d just move on.

Post # 72
Member
33 posts
Newbee

This isn’t classy, but F that B (hey, at least I censored myself! lol). She is rude and jealous and you don’t need her toxicity in your life. Let her go be mad and snotty by herself.

Post # 73
Member
352 posts
Helper bee

had the same thing happen to me!!!! And it is nothing but jealousy. She will regret this the rest of her life… Fucking ditch the bitch! And for F’s sake I got engaged after 3 months, married after a year an a half and we are fine… Some people know right away, people need to back off its not like you met him yesterday.

Post # 75
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

I don’t understand why people keep saying “she just expressed her concern”

I’m sorry but expressing your concern does not mean you literally stand someone up waiting for hours, blow them off, make up things about your SO being dangerous. Expressing your concern means telling someone you would like to speak with them and then laying out their concerns with love and care. This was NOT expressing concern. This was just plain rude. Had she come to you and expressed concern in a way that was not hateful then yes maybe you would have received it.

That being said, not sure what her reasoning is behind it, but I do know that I dated and was engaged to a guy that was HORRIBLE and my friends and family tried to tell me that and I just didn’t want to hear it (not saying your guy is horrible) and if it’s just this one person being nasty about it then it’s probably just a person being nasty and not real cause for concern. If everyone in your life loves him but this one person then I don’t see why you should let this one girls awful reaction get to you. I would just move on since she obviously already did and decided that the relationship was over. Sometimes we have to let go of people in our lives who only bring negative. Like I said, if she had handled it differently then yes, you probably could have received what she said and the friendship would still be in tact regardless of if she didn’t like him. Cut ties with someone who doesn’t want to be in your life (i.e. standing you up and blowing you off).

Also, the length of your relationship is not anyones business but yours and your Fi’s. Each couple’s timeline is their own and there isn’t a set timeline for every person to follow. Take the time to speak with family and friends and maybe do couples counseling before marriage just to make sure the things you both want in life align and you aren’t compromising because you are still in that “honeymoon stage” but in the end do what’s right for you. Some people can get married quickly and some can’t. Each person is different

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