(Closed) BFF not happy for me-What should I do?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

It sounds like she is jealous of your engagement.

I had a semi-friend who did this to another great girlfriend, she was supposed to be her bff and go to gal and you know what the girl went MIA, never got measured for her dress, caused tons of stress and only then did my friend finally realize what a toxic friend the other girl was, it hurt her a lot but she had to just cut the girl out of her life and leave it up to her when she wanted to contact the bride to be, which now is never.

It really does show you who your true friends are. I would honestly go with another maid of honor because if this girl was truly happy for you she would have seen you within the first week to get all the details of the engagement, not blow you off.

Post # 4
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I don’t think it’s fair to assume she’s jealous. I would ask if you could get together for a lunch or drink whatever and ask if something is wrong because she does not seem happy for you. Just ask he and stop guessing. What if she’s having some big problem and is thinking I can’t believe that she hasn’t contacted me. See this is how this stuff happens. If your good friends you should be able to talk to her:)

Post # 5
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012
Post # 6
Member
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I had the same problem with my friend. I still don’t know what her deal is. I just learned to accept that I love her more than she loves me. (Other things she’s done led me to that conclusion as well)

Post # 7
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

She may be slightly jealous, or may just not understand your excitment.  After all, she’s not the one who just got engaged.  There have been multiple posts about newly engaged brides being hurt by family or friends’ “lack of interest” with our weddings.  We have to remember that this is our own big life event, so no other person will be as excited as we are! ๐Ÿ™‚  And we can’t blame them for that; other people have other exciting things for them going on that sometimes get over looked or under celebrated as well. 

I wouldn’t look too much into it…maybe just suggest a date and time to get together and see how she responds.  It doesn’t have to be to only celebrate the engagement; it can be to catch up on both your life’s changes, and also toast to your exciting news!! ๐Ÿ™‚ If she’s still acting weird, then just ask her if something is wrong or if she’s upset about something.

CONGRATULATIONS!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

 

 

Post # 8
Member
8361 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Have you tried to conact her? You said in your post that weeks would go by and you hear nothing from her- well communication is a two way street.

Maybe she has things going on in her life that trump your engagement for her- have you even asked about her life? Maybe someoneis sick, maybe she is having troubles or someone in her family is. Sometimes people don’t want to burden others during their happy times with their woes.

If this was my friendship I would organise a get together and not talk about my wedding but talk about her life and ask if something is wrong.

“Family and other friends keep telling me that this is the time in your life you find out who your true friends are kind of implying that she might not be one of them”- Personally I really hate statements like this. Because if the sentiments are true then weddings also say a lot about the what sort of friend the bride is – as in can she get over her wedding and be a true friend. 

Post # 10
Member
764 posts
Busy bee

It’s important to remember when you get engaged, planning your wedding, being engaged may be the biggest thing in YOUR life, but its not going to be the biggest thing in everyone elses. What is it that you need beyond a congratulations? If your wedding isn’t until 2014, perhaps she’s trying to pace herself because she doesn’t want to get sucked in to the wedding vortex. It doesn’t sound like you’ve formally asked her to be a part of your wedding party so right now she hasn’t agreed to be obligated to do anything. Reach out and invite her to do something that isn’t 100% you/your wedding focused and asked how SHE’s doing and what’s going on in her life. You get 1 day, not the next 2 years.

Post # 11
Member
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@PrincessBride2014:  It sounds like you have outgrown her. As you grow older an go through different milestones in your life this will happen again. I had friends that stopped coming over for movie nights etc when I had kids because they didn’t…things like that. It sounds like she doesn’t want to deliberate hurt your feelings but her life has gone in a completely different direction.

Post # 14
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@PrincessBride2014: Congratulations! 

This is very unfortuate that your friend is being like this. If she is your best friend… I’m wondering if it has anything to do with the way she found out. Did you call her and tell her, or did she find out through someone else?

If it’s not the way she found out that’s bothering her then I’m sorry that she doesn’t seem to want to congratulate you. Sometime’s it’s as simple as they way they found out and sometimes it’s not.

Post # 15
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@PrincessBride2014:  Im sorry.  I know the feeling!  There is something about getting married that exposes the true nature of friendships.  I have heard of people being “jealous” of BFF’s engagements, but it sounded so crazy that I never imagined that was something that really happened.  People really do become jealous.  It happened to me too. 

Sometimes you can be so accommodating to keep a friend that the friendship is very one-way or too far leveraged in one friend’s direction to the other friend’s disadvantage (i.e. “toxic”).   Getting married puts you in a position where you need your friends at the very least to celebrate with!  True, unselfish friends will share your joy!  It sounds like once the focus was no longer about her, she wants nothing to do with it.  I think this is just part of life.  Plus, your future husband needs to be the main person in your life and YOU need to be the main person in HIS too.  Its a natural process.    

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