Post # 1
We both got engaged within 3 days of each other (me on Christmas and her on the 28th). When we first talk about it, I told her we planned on getting married in May 2014 and she told me September 2014… which was great! We’d both have plenty of time to help each other without it interfering! And now she told me today that they are changing to April 2014. I’m kind of upset by this. I’m gonna have my own wedding to worry about and now hers as well. I don’t feel like i’d be able to fulfill my Maid/Matron of Honor duties to her because i’ll be stressing about my own wedding and I don’t want to disappoint her. And she won’t be able to jump in and help me until 2 weeks before my big day. Neither of us have a booked day yet. I know we’ll talk about it soon but the initial reaction kinda freaked me out. Has anyone been in this situation and how did you deal with it?
Post # 3
Yep… been there, and honestly, it’s not easy. I didn’t mind that my friend’s wedding was before mine, until I had ZERO time to do things for my wedding. Then, when it was time to really dive into things for my wedding, she didn’t do much to help me and instead told me she was moving the weekend of my wedding and couldn’t participate in events because she had to pack and job hunt. So… that didn’t go well. She prioritized her life and “immediate” needs before the needs of my wedding (regardless of how many nights myself and the other BM’s spent at her house) and it didn’t go unnoticed by me, or anyone else in the Bridal Party. Our friendship isn’t the same anymore :/
Try to keep your head up, but proceed with caution. Don’t over-extend yourself, and make sure you talk to your friend about it if you can, so that you can both work out a way for neither of you to get the short end of the stick.
Post # 4
@girlymetalchick: You will be fine:) Be happy for your bff. My wedding is March 30th and my Maid/Matron of Honor and best friend got engaged 9/29 and was originally going to get married in Sept 2013. She called her venue and found out they don’t do weddings in Sept and her Fiance doesn’t want a summer wedding and she doesn’t want a fall wedding so she asked me if May 18th was too close to mine. I appreciated her asking me (this was only like 2 months ago) and I said Let’s start planning!! I am so excited for her and we are having so much fun planning our weddings together. You guys will too! Just set separate dates for your special events (bridal showers, bachelorette parties, dress shopping, bridesmaid dress shopping, DIY piece making, venue looking, all that stuff) and then do everything else together. It really is much more fun if you let both let it be. I wouldn’t change it for the world. Good luck and CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!
Post # 5
@StephieBee: way to assuage her fears. Sounds like you had a particularly selfish ‘friend’. I don’t think this is what happens in most cases.
OP- just go ahead and focus on your wedding. She will understand that you can’t help fold programs or make favors.
Post # 6
My sister in law and her best friend married a week apart, and were bridesmaids for each other. I don’t know the details, but I’m guessing they largely shared notes and each planned their own weddings.
Post # 7
@mamadingdong: Hehehe I was kinda thinking the same thing
Post # 8
@mamadingdong: I was just being honest. Sadly, that friend was absolutely one of the most generous people I’d ever met. So kind-hearted, and we hung out with her and her husband several times a week. I don’t think she has lost those traits, but she most certainly decided what was more important in a friend’s time of need. I can tell you 100% that it is not what I expected to happen.
Which – is why – I decided to write an honest reply from experience and just recommend for the OP to talk to her friend about it and move forward with caution so there’s no surprises. Wish someone had told me that. 😛
Post # 9
My BFF and I got married 3 weeks apart. She got engaged first, and had set the date when my now-husband proposed. Our date was close to hers as I was living in NZ and my parents had already booked to come visit- rather than make them shell out on air tickets again, we organised the wedding around them. We did some planning together- dress shopping, comparing notes on hair/ make-up artists. We kept each other posted with things like colour choices so we didn’t tread on each others’ toes, and as our themes were quite different, would often send each other emails with ‘you might like this!”. We discussed timings for the hen’s nights in advance so we could pick dates that suited us both. It was fun having someone to compare notes with, and neither of us had expectations of our bridesmaids either than ‘come dress shopping and rock up to the rehearsal and on the day’.
I think everything should be fine for you and your friend so long as you keep lines of communication open and come to a realistic agreement about what you expect from your BMs- preferably something that won’t detract from either of your enjoyment of your own wedding preparations.
Post # 10
It’s doable. Just make sure you guys talk and it is clear about expectation of each other. There is no rule that the Maid/Matron of Honor has to be the one to plan the bridal shower and such. One of my Bridesmaid or Best Man did mine. My sister got married 2 months before me and my bestie got married 2 months after me. We all had the same color but our weddings were totally different and there was no drama.
Post # 11
@girlymetalchick: You two also have plenty of time! I am getting married in about 8 months and maybe I am unusual, but I have managed to plan the majority of my wedding in the first 2 1/2 months of my engagement (10 month total engagement).
Sure I will have things to do in the weeks leading up, especially because I am DIYing things, but I am steadily working on things I can do now and then tackling things as they come. My cousin is getting married 3 weeks before my wedding (in another state) and I will be in her wedding. My travel time will interfere with my preparation, but I am planning accordingly.