BFP – Tell husband before or after going to the Doctor? (pics)

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 17
Member
436 posts
Helper bee

Maybe just keep doing HPTs? If they keep coming up darker and darker you know the hcg is going up which is a sign the pregnancy is going well. The heavy bleeding is a bit of a worry, so it is unfortunately possible you did MC/have a CP and the positives are still coming up but usually they get lighter and lighter each day. If they are however getting darker I would be more confident and say go ahead with the little ornament thing.

Alternatively, if you are MC, maybe a little token is a nice tribute. I have a tradition where as soon as I find out I’m pregnant I buy a little mobile to hang over bub’s cot. My DS has his in his room. I did the same for my second pregnancy and also bought a little mobile but unfortunately I MC, but still that little mobile is a little reminder for me since I never got an ultrasound picture. 

Post # 18
Member
622 posts
Busy bee

twistaway :  Where are you in your cycle? At an initial intake appointment, they probably won’t be able to tell you anything conclusive. They will probably to a urine pee test (same as a home pregnancy test) and may draw an HCG. One single HCG test doesn’t tell you much though, because as previous posters have mentioned, if you did have a pregnancy that miscarried, you can still have HCG in your system for a few weeks. So if the doctor is concerned about the viability of your pregnancy, they will probably order a repeat HCG to for two days later, to make sure the levels are rising appropriately. So depending on how fast lab processes stuff, maybe wednesday or thursday at the earliest for confirmation.

However, unless you’re a few weeks late, I’d say it is likely that you are pregnant and the bleeding was inconsequential. It seems like you want to make telling your husband into a magical surprise…personally that is not my style. Early pregnancy is hard. It’s scary worrying about miscarriage, it is hard feeling that your body is suddenly out of your control, exhaustion and morning sickness can make you miserable, and just in general it can be a very overwhelming time. I need my husband’s support during that, even from the very beginning.

The truth of it too is that nothing is ever certain. You may be pregnant now, tell your husband and then miscarry at 6 weeks. (I’m not saying this is likely, just within the realm of possibility.) Or if the bleeding was from a chemical pregnancy, would you really never tell your husband about it? Just some other things to consider.

Post # 19
Member
1680 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

twistaway :  I agree with PP, I would tell your SO as soon as possible as regardless of what happens you’ll want his support.   I wouldn’t however purchase an ornament saying dad or anything like it, because even if you didn’t bleed, the chances of miscarriage early on are sadly very high.   Unfortunately heavy bleeding is usually not a good sign.

There are so many other people you can tell in a fun and suprising way, I would keep the ideas for then. 

 

Post # 21
Member
622 posts
Busy bee

twistaway :  So the bleeding you had was around 7/8 DPO? Then that was definitely not a miscarriage. I agree with previous posters, if you want, try taking another pink dye test and compare it to previous tests to make sure the lines are getting darker. But based on the timeframe, I think you’re totally fine. But you still probably won’t get ironclad confirmation from a doctor unless they want to do two HCGs, or your first ultrasound (which is usually around 8 weeks.)

Post # 22
Member
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I would definitely go ahead and tell him now. I’m sure you would tell him if you miscarry, I can’t imagine trying to go through that by yourself, so make telling him fun. I think it would be worse if you told him you miscarried before he even knew you were pregnant. Experience the joy together! 

Post # 23
Member
2736 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

It could be it was a multiple (twin) pregnancy and you lost one. 

id tell your hubby personally 

Post # 24
Member
1220 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I can’t imagine not sharing something so huge with my Darling Husband. You’re supposed to be partners, sharing the good, and the bad. You may carry the baby, but he was equally involved in putting it there! Cutesy announcements are all well and good, but I think he deserves to know asap, and you will need his support whether the news from the doc is what you want to hear or not.

im 8 weeks pregnant and my Darling Husband is currently at work 6000km away. On Wednesday I saw some tiny spots of blood when I wiped. The very first thing I did was to message him and tell him. Sure, he can’t physically do anything to help, but being able to share that with the person I’m closest to in the world means everything. 

Post # 25
Member
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I would share ASAP, but maybe not make a huge dramatic deal about it. Like PP said, you are so early there are still a lot of unknowns. He needs to know what is going on every step of the way. We did not buy anything “mom” or “dad” branded until my DS arrived. 

Post # 26
Member
2902 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m going to go against the grain and say, as someone who miscarried her first pregnancy, go ahead and buy that “dad” ornament. 

My first pregnancy, I was so excited. I told my husband by giving him a “Made in Brooklyn” onesie. It was such a happy awesome moment. We lost that baby at 11 weeks, and the onesie is currently tucked away in a box with my ultrasound pictures and the beginnings of my pregnancy journal. Could I have saved the $12 I spent on the onesie? Sure, I guess, but I’ll tell you – it didn’t hurt MORE because I let myself get excited. Miscarriage fucking sucks no matter whether you celebrated every moment and told the world or whether you spent every second terrified and told no one. 

Maybe don’t get a tattoo just yet – or do, if that’s your thing – but buy the ornament. Celebrate what you have right now. Even if it ends badly, I don’t think you’ll regret it. 

Post # 28
Member
455 posts
Helper bee

To hell with surprises, you need your husband’s support either way, and he deserves to know what’s going on. Don’t martyr yourself because of an ideal. Hopefully things will be fine, but if not, you need to weather it together.

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