BF's biggest regret is his ex

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
10660 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Take the great job offer.  Do not lose out on a career opportunity over this guy.

He’s busy pining away for his ex, no doubt because he can’t have her.  He straight up TOLD you he loved her more than he loves you.  WTF more do you need?  What are you clinging to, here?

Move on.

Post # 3
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee

take the job offer!!

Post # 4
Member
2503 posts
Sugar bee

“During our argument, he said something along the line of how he didn’t marry his ex even though he loved her more than he loves me.”

WHAT?! Jeez, you deserve better. I can’t imagine staying with someone who said this to me, and later told me his biggest regret was not marrying his ex. Who is this guy?! Your post is full of red flags. He’s still hung up on his ex, plus he’s a commitment phobe. The only upside is that he’s honest about it – so listen to him. Personally I would have broken up with him a while ago, but at the very least, I DEFINITELY wouldn’t put my life on hold and turn down once in a lifetime opportunities for someone like this. 

Post # 5
Member
4910 posts
Honey bee

A second vote for taking the job offer. He isn’t being fair to you behaving this way. He needs to get over his past. This will get in the way of your relationship. It’s not worth it to feel like second fiddle. 

Post # 6
Member
3544 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 29th, 2016

cantjumptenfeet :  He seems emotionally unavailable to me, whether it’s feelings for his ex still or that fear of committing to you… I’m not “jealous” but I do need to be with someone who doesn’t make me feel like I come second to any other woman, especially one from his past. I’d let this one go! Hopefully you’re able to move back to your hometown (I’m not sure if the job offer is still on the table) and start fresh. 

Post # 7
Member
1516 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

He’s not over his ex. You should take the job offer and find someone else.

To quote PP: He straight up TOLD you he loved her more than he loves you.  

Seriously.

Post # 8
Member
1812 posts
Buzzing bee

Speaking of regrets, you’ll regret not taking that job offer.

I feel he has told you some truth in the heat of the moment, during your argument. I would not want to play second fiddle to some guy’s commitment issues OR the ex that “got away” (really that he LET get away–and he’s doing the same to you now).

I think 1.5 years is enough time to know whether or not you’re headed in a committed direction. I think he freaked on you not because you remind him of his ex or he was afraid of you leaving (if he was, he’d put a ring on it by the way). I think he freaked because commitment is a touchy subject for him.

Let him pine away for you, too–as you start your new, wonderful job near friends and family on a different coast.

Post # 9
Member
1983 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

You deserve better and he needs to appreciate what he has when he has it. There’s only so many times wonderful women can leave him before he gets the hint that he’s the problem. Leave him and find someone whose only regret would be never having met you!

Post # 10
Member
2495 posts
Buzzing bee

He’s NOT over his ex. He’s saying what he needs to say to keep you around. 

When actions and words are in conflict, believe the ACTIONS, every time.

When Fiance and I got together, he had been single for a year. The ex before me, he was with for 3 years. As the story goes, she pressured him for engagement for about 2.5 years of their relationship. He said he was too young, their relationship wasn’t right, they argued a lot, he kept waiting for it to feel right, etc. 

She finally broke up with him because he wasn’t any closer to proposing at 3 years. 

When he and I started dating, I was worried he wasn’t over her. He talked about her a LOT – he brought up their relationship a lot.

But I also knew that a lot of times, people bring up their ex(es) in order to process through their baggage. I know *I* do. 

So I waited to see what would happen, listened to the way he talked about her, tried to figure out if he regretted the break up or was still in love with her. 

And all signs pointed to NO. 

Sure, he talked about her and the relationship a lot, but mostly it was to contrast how we were against how they had been, and our relationship was always the winner, always.

Never once did he say anything even remotely close to “I loved her more than I love you,” or any of that nonsense.

Never once has he regretted not giving in and proposing. 

All the talking he did was mostly his bruised ego trying to deal with having been broken up with, trying to process how he let himself stay wtih such a toxic person for so long.

And when *I* brought up marriage about 7 months in, he said he was on the same page. We had a timeline to be engaged by 8 months in. 

My situation is an instance of a guy still having hangups around his relationship with his ex BUT BEING FULLY OVER HER AND EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE. 

Your situation sounds entirely different. Your SO sounds very very hung up on his ex. :/

Post # 11
Member
4910 posts
Honey bee

Ok i must have skimmed over the part where he said he loved her more. Deal breaker 100%. You should move on, you deserve better. 

Post # 12
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2019

I’m sorry to say this because I am sure this isn’t what you want to hear but I am completely appalled by this situation. You deserve A LOT better than to be told that he loved his ex more than he loves you. Not even in an argument is that ok.

Take the job. Move on. Find someone who deserves you.

Post # 13
Member
9809 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

It’s a no from me.

Take the job.

Post # 14
Member
1409 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Wow. This would make me feel awful! I had an ex who was all about HIS ex…and it was super sucky. He would tell me things like how great she made him feel and how he would dream about her etc, she had cheated on him and got engaged to the guy she cheated with. It made me feel like shit about myself because I didn’t feel good enough. Honestly, I think you should take the job and leave. I would be livid if someone who claimed to love ME still wishes he married his ex. And to top that off he said he loved her more than you. How gross!!

Post # 15
Member
5923 posts
Bee Keeper

Never ever let anyone treat you like his consolation prize rather than the woman of his dreams. Please have enough self respect to not only take this terrific job offer, but to gather up your self esteem and break things off with him entirely. He’s acting like his ex is ‘the one who got away’. Don’t let yourself be the one he’s settled for.

If you take this job offer and break up with him, he may have a change of heart and decide that you’re the one that got away- if he does, please don’t let him weasel back into your life because this only shows he has a history of wanting what he can’t have and you’d be in for a lifetime of misery with someone who always yearns for greener grass. You deserve better. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors