Post # 1
feeling realy down at the minute, i always wanted to be a career girl, always wanted a job eeryone could dream of so i could support myself and not need to rely on anyone ( quite a few family members of mine still depend on family way too much for their age) so after school i went to college and me and my bf did long distance. I hated it i just wanted to be back home with him and there is no way he will ever move away from where we live ( iits a small island he grew up in) so i moved back. got a job in a pharmacy and training as a technician. bf is now fully qualified in his trade and his parents have thier own business and his dad was saying to him about how he has so many options … he has been offerd many jobs in the past through his trade and he can always go and work with his parents in the business. bf said he doesnt really have many otions and bfs dad just turned to him and said look at lucy, she doesnt have ANY prospects 🙁 i was so shocked by what he said i didnt know what to say, i felt like i gave up my career life for my bf and his dad doesnt appreciate what i gave up. The place we live in is a tourist town, and the jobs that only tend to go here are waitressing ( do not want to back there i hated it) and trades live joinery pluming etc. but they live in the 1800’s so women cant do a trade. so basically if i live here i have no prospects. My bf will NEVER move away and i duno what to do or think, its made me feel like such a failure 🙁
sorry about the rant i just needed to let it out 🙂
Post # 3
What matters most is that your SO knows what your decision meant. Are there hotels around then? You can always work your way up the hospitality ladder.
Post # 4
Wow his dad sounds delightful.
You clearly do have prospects if you’re training and working so I’d completely ignore that comment. I think it’s bothered you a little because a small part of you feels that you have reduced your prospects my giving up college. I suppose you have to ask yourself if you are going to be happy knowing that you’ve given up a career for your boyfriend. I wonder if you might come to resent him in the future as it sounds like it was really important to you.
Your boyfriend sounds like he is aware of the limitations his location is putting on his prospects too, are you sure he would never consider moving? You could always re-visit studying later on if that’s the case. I suppose what I’m trying to say is dont give up on your dreams because of your boyfriend, if your love is built to last then a few years of studying won’t do any harm.
That aside, don’t let his Dad’s comment bother you!
Post # 5
I’m a bit confused–did you finish college or drop out to move back with him? What career did you have that you gave up for him?
I don’t think it’s ever a good idea to give up something that important to you for someone else, as Pinkrefresher wisely stated, you might end up resenting him for that. Plus, as much as you love him, you need to look out for your own interests (career, etc) and your own happiness. Hands down, though, his father sounds like an ass for saying that.
Post # 6
thanks for the advice 😀
I would probably go away and do a degree, if only for myself rather than anything else. The main thing that puts me off is moving away ( me and bf have cars that we share, rent to pay and a dog between us. Also i am 21, will be nearly 22 to go to college to get the entry grades to get to uni and almost 28 by the time finish my years at uni. ( medical school) even then I believe you still need on the job training after that and my family are known for early menopause… starting menopause at 35. which worries me a little. Im worried i will struggle to concieve when i get to a point that i can start trying for kids and thats one thing ive always wanted. I know many people have kids half way through medical school, but as i would need to move away from bf i dont think this would be fare for the kids ( if i had them )
i know there isnt anything anyone can say to help me make my decision its just one of these things i need to figure out 🙁
Post # 7
It’s a very tough situation honey, hang in there!
But, to me, doing something is better than doing nothing. If med school is going to be too tough at this moment, I would always go to college, get a simpler degree (most you can finish in 3 years or so!) so you’ll be done by the time you’re 24.
3 years away might seem like a long time, but keep in mind, the seeds you sow today last you a life time. otherwise, you’re paving a road for resentment and adjustment.
Post # 8
It’s so hard, I feel for you -especially with your potential time limit re: early menopause. But -don’t give up!!! You’re clearly a bright girl and I honestly think you would regret not following your dream career. Would your boyfriend consider moving with you? If he’s qualified in a trade then he should be able to find work wherever you go -as his Dad says he has prospects!!! 😉 (lol)
I’m 30 and I’m still studying, I finish my postgrad this year. I’ve had my children whilst studying and yeah it’s been tough at times but so worth it!! On the other hand my Aunty did her degree in her 50s, so you could do it the other way around too!
I guess you need to think it over and talk to your boyfriend, there is a way, you don’t have to sacrifice everything for your relationship.
Good luck xx