Bfs grandparents nosy and rude?

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Put your foot down.  “Sorry, I’m not comfortable discussing that,” when they ask about what your grandfather earns and what you’ll inherit.  Just keep repeating that.  When it comes to legal matters: “Sorry, I’m not going to be able to do that.  I can recommend X or Y from our firm though.” Then change the subject.  When they ask again, say ”I’ve already answered that question and won’t be answering it again.  So, did you see that sportsball game yesterday?”

Post # 3
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee

“my grandpa loves cats. I’m assuming he will be giving his millions to a cat shelter”. as for the free legal services you can provide with a list of reputable lawyers and offer that you will answer any questions they might have. for your boyfriend, calculae the ammount of money your services cost and present that with an explanation on j w inheritance works. There is no guarantee that he will get anything and that you being a gf means you get nothing.

Post # 4
Member
5917 posts
Bee Keeper

Use your boyfriend’s statement “its going to be ur land too one day” to your advantage by citing conflict of interest. This is actually valid reasoning- besides not wanting to do huge amounts of work for free or nearly free (I hate when people don’t value others’ professional services, whether it’s artists or photographers or doctors or lawyers etc), you’ll protect yourself against potential future grievances from your bf’s grandfather if he decides something you set up isn’t to his satisfaction or even goes so far as to accuse you of looking out for your boyfriend’s inheritance at detriment to himself, the pro-bono client. 

You’re under no obligation to answer questions about your family’s finances. I’d cut the grandmother a fair bit of slack- I wouldn’t expect others to be harsh with her and tell her to ‘shut up’ if she truly has dementia, but neither should they be laughing like your discomfort/ her repetitive questions is a joke. If they don’t have the social skills or graces to turn the converation away from inappropriate questions, you’ll have to do this yourself- but talk to your boyfriend, at the very least HE should have your back on this and do his part to deflect nosy questions, steer the conversation in another direction. 

Post # 6
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee

“Who knows, does it even matter?” Would be my response to inheritance. Also, “John Doe can help you with your estate questions. My workload is crazy right now and my boss isn’t letting me take on any pro bono cases.” Would be my answer to the estate question. 

Post # 7
Member
8317 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

fairydust91 :  

Yes, what they all said . Do practice the polite stonewalling tactic of saying the same refusal over and over and changing the  subject .

Just one thing “His grandmother is supposedly senile and she asks me the same questions every now and then, what my parents do etc etc ..” 

Apart from  it being rather a crass and dismissive way of describing dementia, if his gm is indeed suffering from the early stages of it , repeated questions are commonplace and you will have to get used to that . I think you will also have to get used to being  a tad more gracious over fielding questions generally too, it’s clearly his older family members  style . 

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