Post # 1
My boyfriend (6 years together, long time I know…) has his oldest sister who is getting married next year and had the date set for a long while which is labor day weekend. We’ve already confirmed and said we’d be there several months ago.
My oldest sister just got engaged and I did mention to her that I’ve already confirmed to go to my bf’s sister’s wedding labor day weekeend already to give her a heads up of what was going on. My cousin also mentioned to her that she already had two weddings she confirmed to go to that weekend as well. I don’t mean to make it about myself but I would hate to have to choose and be split up from my boyfriend especially when I told his sister I’d be coming…
My sister’s response kind of shocked me when she said, “Well, whoever can make it can make it if it is on labor day weekend.” and she mentioned she may even do a destination wedding. She hasn’t set the date but it would be exactly a year (labor day weekend) from when her fiance proposed. I was really upset that she didn’t seem to care if me and/or my cousin wouldn’t be able to go or make us even choose when we told her ahead of time to give her a heads up when she hasn’t set a date. Is it really selfish of us to think this way? I would feel like I’m choosing but I guess if it has to be…then my bf could stay with his sister for the wedding and I go with my sister if she chooses to have a destination wedding that same day but I’d be a bit “salty” inside.
Post # 2
Yeah, if she picks the ONE weekend you said you were busy, I’d be more than salty if I was you. That’s a rhymes-with-witchy move on her part.
Hopefully all the venues she likes will already be booked that weekend.
Post # 3
If this does eventuate I’d just each go to our own sister’s weddings
Post # 4
Your sister and her fiance want to get married on the anniversary of their proposal. You can’t really expect her to reschedule her plans based on her sister’s boyfriend’s sister’s plans.
It’s far enough away that even if you told your boyfriend’s sister you’d attend, it’s well enough before any rsvp deadline that I’m sure she’d understand if your own sister’s wedding is the same weekend and you can’t attend hers.
Normally I’m not a fan of splitting up couples, but I think in this circumstance you should just suck it up and each attend your own sister’s weddings. It’s not a huge enough deal to create family drama over IMO.
Post # 5
RobbieandJuliahaha…. I guess you’re right. :\
Post # 6
You have already indicated you are unable to attend that weekend. You would be more than justified in skipping your sister’s wedding if you wanted to. I am sorry she is putting you in this position. Given the relationship I have with my sister, I couldn’t blame you if you skipped it…
Post # 7
I wouldn’t worry about it until she actually sets the date.
Post # 8
Mlim : yeah, sorry, it’s not an ideal solution I know, of course it would be much nicer to attend both as a couple rather than not only be separated for the events but having to miss the other event. I hope saying you’ll have to suck it up didn’t sound harsh- I just meant ‘suck it up’ as in it’s not great but it’s do-able and that’s what I’d do. I’d suck it up and go to my own sister’s, but I’d still be a bit privately bummed.
Post # 9
What other response do you expect her to have?
Did you expect her to say “We’ll make sure to schedule around you and every other family member that might have prior arrangements without looking at the date that means the most to us”?
She responded exactly the way everyone on this website suggests you respond when someone says they can’t make it “I’m sorry, but you’ll be missed”. She’s not throwing a tantrum and insisting you show up but she’s also not changing her plans to fit your life.
If you can’t spend the weekend split between two weddings and away from your boyfriend without being “salty”, maybe you shouldn’t go to your sister’s wedding. She’ll probably be able to tell that you’re not happy
Post # 10
I am sorry but you sister should trump you going to your boyfriend’s sister wedding, even if you did say you were going to go to that wedding. Things happen and that is a year away, who knows you may not even be with your boyfriend by that time, you never know
Post # 11
Nothing is set yet and dates and plans can change. It’s one weekend/day at the most that you’d be separated from your SO, so it sounds a bit dramatic to be so distressed about it a year in advance.
Post # 12
What is your relationship with your sister like? Yes, this is how we generally recommend people handle these types of situations but I can’t imagine being so cold and careless about your own sister missing your wedding…
Post # 13
llevinso : Is it cold and heartless, or is it just realistic and unselfish?
If she doesn’t respond in this, “Whoever makes it, makes it,” way, what are the other options? Changing a date that isn’t set to accommodate her sister’s plans, which aren’t even set themselves; being upset, but saying basically the same thing; or getting mad at her sister, and guilting her into coming to her wedding.
The sister is being a reasonable, mature person in this situation, not cold and heartless.
Post # 14
Mlim : You’re being selfish and silly.
She’s handling this the way a mature person does: by doing what she has to do for her wedding, and understanding that others have lives and may not be able to attend.
What do you want her to do? Beg you? Cry? Get mad at you?
If she sets the date and you have to choose between the weddings, maybe choose the other one. She doesn’t need to have her sister sitting there “salty” for receiving the go-ahead to make whatever choice is best for her.
Your sister is being reasonable, and you’re complaining about it, offended by it, even. That’s ridiculous.
Post # 15
Rhopalocera : I mean…thats why I’m asking what their relationship is like. I just cant imagine being so cold and/or diplomatic about this situation. My first calls when booking my wedding were to our VIPs to make sure the date worked for them. I don’t have a sister but my brother was most certainly a VIP and if he already had a commitment on the date I wanted I would’ve changed to accommodate him being there. In fact we did have to do this to accommodate our Best Man.
ETA: Yes I do think it’s a cold response to give your own sister. A random guest? Sure okay. But family? Not the way I’d handle it at all.