Bf's sister's wedding and my sister's wedding may be the same date?

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 31
1505 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Your cousin is one thing, but sisters presumably are a closer relationship.  Therefore, without passing value judgment, I think what happened is your sister didn’t even register “attending boyfriend’s sister’s wedding” as a conflict.  I believe it’d be different if you had surgery scheduled that day, or an important mandatory work trip.  

She said what she said, in the way that she said it, in order to try to hide the fact that she is miffed that you would even consider missing her wedding for someone else’s sister’s wedding.  

Post # 32
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017 - Orange County, CA

Mlim :  Maybe this is a bit salty of me, but I vote for YOU guys getting engaged, then set the wedding for Labor Day weekend! 

Post # 33
1263 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

If it comes down to it, you should each go your respective sisters’ weddings. I know you informally said you’d attend your bf’s sister’s wedding but she’d understand that your sister comes first. It sucks, but Labor day weekend is a very popular wedding weekend so there’s bound to be conflicts.

Post # 34
1945 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

It’s not some arbitrary date, your sister wants to get married on the anniversary of her proposal date. She can’t really be blamed for that. I imagine that she’s feeling a bit “salty” herself, that you’d even try to dictate her date based on your bf’s sister. Your bf’s sister is nothing to her. But you are her sister, and obviously she trumps bf’s sister.

Post # 35
7814 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

This is not Betty Sue from kickboxing’s wedding, this is her bf’s sis, potentially her future SIL, making it a family wedding (assuming OP and her bf are in a serious relationship). No one is saying that bf’s sis trumps OP’s own sistser, in fact OP herself has said that if she has to choose, of course she will choose her sister’s wedding. But to me, it is pretty selfish that the sister is knowingly picking a date where two close family members already have major conflicts. Or maybe selfish is the wrong word – maybe she just really doesn’t care if her own sister comes to her wedding or not. Or, maybe she thinks her wedding is the most important event of the century and any close relatives who have potential conflicts should just quietly cancel them rather than presuming that she’d want to know about those conflicts before setting her date. If I were the bride, I would want to know about major conflicts like another family wedding that my VIPs had before I set my date. I would not feel “dictated to” if someone chose to give me a head’s up about that – quite the contrary, I’d feel like good, people are thinking about my wedding and are making sure they can be there!

I don’t get this “your boyfriend’s sister is NOTHING to your sister” logic either. That is so self centered. Plenty of people who are “nothing to me” are important to my loved ones, and so they’re important to me by proxy.

Post # 36
1528 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

llevinso :  I agree with you. The first thing I did when picking a date is making sure it was a date that worked for the people who were nearest and dearest to us. I bent over backwards to do it – because it was important to me that they are there, without having to compromise too significantly (I have a sister who lives several states away with 6 school aged children).


OP. it honestly doesn’t sound like she cares if you will be there or not. You committed to your BF’s sister’s wedding. What if you’re engaged by then? 

Post # 37
401 posts
Helper bee

I won’t judge and can’t judge how to take the sister who is getting married and her response to the fact that you already announced you had a wedding to attend with  your boyfriend and it is a significant one – his sister.  Actually, to be honest, I am more interested/concerned one would hope you would be asked to be in your sister’s wedding party – but that might say something about your relationship.  My brother hates me and is jealous of me for some reason but I would still invite him to be in my wedding party if not for family and my parents.  Anyways, it may suck but I think you should attend your sister’s wedding even if it is a guest.  

I guess you could always send in interference and speak to a parent and they might be able to speak some reason into your sister re you and your cousin but she is an adult and will do waht she wants.  I am more concerned that neither one of you seems that upset about attending the wedding – you both appeared to have made choices – we’ll miss  you or I am going to my bf sister wedding.



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